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Sergei. user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 07 Jun 07, 20:13 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."


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Delilah, on Medium Power
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Posted: 08 Jun 07, 18:25 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was assaulted.

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Posted: 08 Jun 07, 18:40 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

denzel:you shearing that sheep?
jethro:no,get your own.


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

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Posted: 10 Jun 07, 14:52 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

two guys walked into a bar, the next guy ducked.



*hides from tomatoes*


why pay the visit when the visit is free?



"this shitty guitar wont play what i want! it only knows three chords!"
The prophet's song user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 10 Jun 07, 19:04 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I got this one out of a christmas cracker:

Q)If a cat has kittens, what does a ball of wool (or yarn) have?
A)Mittens!


hehe it sounded so much funnier after a few of mums christmas whisky chocolate mousse!


"Either this kid has a lightbulb up his ass or his colon has a great idea"
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Posted: 11 Jun 07, 07:04 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

god gets in contact with noah and says "here,noah me ol' china i want you to build me a new ark","sure" says noah,"do you want it the same as last time,full of animals?"
"nah" says god "i want it full of fish,specifficaly carp and i want it 20 storeys high"
"ok" says noah a bit bemused "let me get this straight.you want an ark thats full of fish and 20 storeys high.ok,i'll build it for you" he says "but on one condition,why?"
"coz" says god,"ive always wanted a 20 storey carp ark".....


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

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Posted: 13 Jun 07, 15:27 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

a man walks into a doctors with a steering wheel between his legs.
"doctor" he says,"youve got to help me.this thing is driving me nuts"


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

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Posted: 13 Jun 07, 15:49 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


I am the most obsessed Queen fan.
Ella! Formerly known as the Metal Maiden user not visiting Queenzone.com
Um...hi.
Ella! Formerly known as the Metal Maiden
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Posted: 13 Jun 07, 17:21 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

<font color=plum>Cookies?<h6>A Scientist wrote:

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."


I heard that one before...somewhere...


I find it difficult to navigate QZ at this very moment.
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Posted: 13 Jun 07, 18:49 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

tiger woods is driving to a golf tournament in St Just when he notices that he's running out of fuel so he pulls over into the local garage.
the attendant comes out to serve him and notices his nice shiny car...
"thats a nice car" says the attendent,who doesnt recognise tiger woods,
"yes" says tiger "its a BMW.it has all the latest gadgets in it"
"wow" says the attendent "like what?"
"well" says tiger "this button here tells me what miles to the gallon i do and this one tells me when im running out of fuel"
"cool" says the attendent
"yes" says tiger "i also need to use your bathroom,do you have one?"
"yes" says the attendent "its over there"

as tiger climbs out of his car his golf tee falls out of his pocket and onto the floor..
"whats that?" asks the attendent
"its my tee,its what i place my balls on before i drive off" says tiger
"wow" says the attendent "BMW think of everything dont they!"


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

AspiringPhilosophe user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 13 Jun 07, 19:58 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

My grandpa tells this one whenever he meets anyone new, and it's corny.

Grandpa: How many beans do you put in a bowl of bean soup?
New Person: I don't know
Grandpa: 239 beans go into a bowl of bean soup. Wanna know why that number?
New Person: Yeah
Grandpa: Because if you put in one more it would make it 2 farty (240)

Either no one gets that, or I just killed the thread. :-(
**looks sheepish**


Formerly MHG
Freddies Delilah user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 14 Jun 07, 03:15 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

^ Teehee :)

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Whatever you want - he's not going to come anyway


Four old ladies, still rocking away :)
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Posted: 14 Jun 07, 15:15 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

what do you call a yellow school bus with black people inside?

ANswer: A rotten banana


Darling, Im not going to be a rockstar, Im going to be a LEGEND!!
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Posted: 14 Jun 07, 19:45 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

a bloke goes into a taxidermists with 2 dead rabbits and says
"i'd like these rabbits stuffed please"
"would you like them mounted?" asks the taxidermist
"nah" says the bloke "just holding hands will do"


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

Sergei. user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Sergei.
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Posted: 14 Jun 07, 19:49 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

greaserkat wrote:

what do you call a yellow school bus with black people inside?

ANswer: A rotten banana

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!! XDDDD


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Sergei. user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 14 Jun 07, 19:55 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Kid:Mommy, Mommy! I've lost my fingers!

Mum:Shut up and eat your french fries!


Kid:Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again?

Mum:Shut up, you know that grandma's leg is no longer infested.


Kid:Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy zigzagging in the yard?

Mum:Shut up and shoot again!


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Posted: 14 Jun 07, 20:06 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

did anyone else hear the janet n john tale on Wogan yesterday?


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

Carol! the Musical user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 17 Jun 07, 14:17 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

John comes back from the office, only to find his wife naked in bed. He is puzzled and asks, "Why on earth are you indecent? The neighbors could come knocking, and you'd be there lying naked in bed! Put some clothes on!"
His wife then burst into tears and begins babbling about something or another.
"I-I'm n-not dressed because *snif* I haven't got any pretty dresses! You hardly buy me any clothes anymore! I was ashamed to wear my old, ripped up dresses, so I opted not to wear anything!"
The man becomes frantic and pities his wife. He runs to hug her and then makes a dash for the closet.
"But, honey! You've got plenty of beautiful dresses! Look! Just look at this dashing blue one.. the red one... the striped one... Ricardo..."


-------------------------------------------------

John comes back from work again and find his wife naked once more. She's panting hard and fanning herself.
"Come on, Josephine! Why are you naked again? I bought you some new clothes already!"
The woman is panting and out of breath, but she manages to gasp out, "I took my clothes off because it was so hot... *pant* I think I may be having a heart attack.. *pant*"
John becomes frantic once more and runs out of the room to seek help. He bumps into his two young children, who cry, "Dad! Dad! Uncle Pete is naked in the closet!"
John runs back tothe closet and scolds, "Good Lord, Pete! My ife is having a goddammed heart- attack and you're here scaring the children?!"
-----------------------------------------------

XDXDXDXD


-Things Have Changed For Me-
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Posted: 18 Jun 07, 00:24 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

A young man went to visit his uncle for the weekend. The first morning they had bacon and eggs for breakfast. The young man noticed before serving his food that there was a bit of old dried food on his plate. He said to his uncle,"this plate doesn't look clean." His uncle responded,"It's as clean as cold water can get it, now eat."
Later, when it was lunch time, the young man came in to eat and noticed what appeared to be dried egg still on his plate. He again went to his uncle. His uncle said,"I told you, it's as clean as cold water can get it, now just eat."
Fast forward to dinner time. The young man decides he will go out for dinner. As he attempts to go out the door, his uncle's dog begins barking like mad and refuses to let him by.
The young man tells his uncle,"the dog won't let me out." The uncle turns round and yells,

"COLD WATER, GET YOUR _ _ _ OUT OF THE WAY!!"

;)


Hello from Rai;)



"Im not afraid to speak out and say the things I want and do the things I want,so um,I think in the end that being natural and actually genuine is what wins."-FM



R
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Posted: 18 Jun 07, 09:33 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

GAH!
That is disgusting!!!



Formerly MHG