Forums > Personal > Sorry to all of the blondes out there, but...

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John S Stuart user not visiting Queenzone.com
John S Stuart
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Posted: 21 Sep 07, 11:49 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

A blonde's year:

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.
September - The capital of London is "L".....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Couldn't call 911 .... "duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!
December - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!


A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut &stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the
house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."


A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out." He says.
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little sh*t on your knee."

On a famous TV game show A BLONDE contestant needed only to answer one more question. One simple question stood between her and ONE MILLION DOLLARS! "To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The contestant, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that she had drawn such an easy question. "Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and, ...Olive!" The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!?'". "You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other re


"Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make."
Raf user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 21 Sep 07, 11:54 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

LOL xD


We got the Cosmos rockin'!

We got the Cosmos rockin'!

We got the Universe rockin'!

We got the Cosmos rockin'!

We got the Cosmos rockin' to the mighty power of rock'n'roll!
John S Stuart user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 21 Sep 07, 12:01 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big t*ts."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big t*ts?" "Why kill a blonde with big t*ts?"
Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"
To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."

A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.
When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".
So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.
So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.
"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.
So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."


Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.
After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."
The first said, "I wish I were smarter."
So, she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."
She became a brunette.
The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"
So, she became a man.


"Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make."
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Posted: 21 Sep 07, 15:40 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

John S Stuart wrote:


"Because that's not a TV, that's a microwave!"


Good ones, John. Haven't heard most of those, even the Bush joke had me rolling.

Lisser user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 21 Sep 07, 18:04 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

John, you're in trouble for the last one.

;)


Wo ist das kamerahhhhhhhhhhh!!!



NJ!!!























John S Stuart user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 21 Sep 07, 19:54 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Lisser wrote:

John, you're in trouble for the last one.

;)


I thought I would be!


"Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make."
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Posted: 22 Sep 07, 09:03 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I wonder what would've happened if JSS had started a thread entitled "Sorry to all the Niggers out there". ?


"Your not funny, your not a good musician, theres a difference between being funny and being an idiot, you obviously being the latter" - Dave R Fuller
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Posted: 22 Sep 07, 10:06 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Zebonka12 wrote:

I wonder what would've happened if JSS had started a thread entitled "Sorry to all the Niggers out there". ?

"Niggers" are smart enough to defend themselves. Blondes........... ;)

Just kidding.


We got the Cosmos rockin'!

We got the Cosmos rockin'!

We got the Universe rockin'!

We got the Cosmos rockin'!

We got the Cosmos rockin' to the mighty power of rock'n'roll!
Sergei. user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 22 Sep 07, 20:57 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

John S Stuart wrote:


Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.
After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."
The first said, "I wish I were smarter."
So, she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."
She became a brunette.
The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"
So, she became a man.

That one ruined it for me. ¬_¬


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Posted: 23 Sep 07, 07:29 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

<font color=brianJM>RollingBowieQueen wrote:

<font color=teal>Cookies?<h6>A Scientist wrote:

John S Stuart wrote:


Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.
After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."
The first said, "I wish I were smarter."
So, she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."
She became a brunette.
The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"
So, she became a man.

That one ruined it for me. ¬_¬
:P I second that. Pig! :P


Well, look at it this way, you two:

A *guy* came up with the joke. Can't expect it to be much of a joke then, can you?


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