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YourValentine user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 25 Feb 08, 05:10 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

A nun travels in the train and when she has to get out a little boy jumps up, opens the door for her and helps with the bags.

"Thank you very much for the help" says the nun, "that is very nice of you". "No problem", answers the boy. "Batman's friends are my friends, too!"


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Mr Mercury user not visiting Queenzone.com
Adam who?????
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Posted: 25 Feb 08, 05:43 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

LOL Not bad Barb!!


"Normally i can't dance to save my life.

But as soon as I step in dog shit, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson."
its_a_hard_life 26994 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 25 Feb 08, 07:02 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Shaaaaaaaaaaame, the nun got cussed. Hahahaha. XD



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Posted: 25 Feb 08, 08:37 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

a man takes his 2 dead rabbits to a taxidermists and says to the man behind the counter
"i would like my 2 rabbits stuffed please".
"certainly" says the man behind the counter,"would you like them mounted as well?".
"no" replies the man with the rabbits,"just holding paws will be fine"


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

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Posted: 25 Feb 08, 12:02 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

An old man goes to the doctor and asks him for a prescription of Viagra and would he mind cutting them into quarters.

'Not a problem' says the doc 'but I must advise you that you won't get a full erection and be capable of having sex if I cut each tablet into four'

'Young man' says the old man 'I am 96 years old, why in the hell would I want a full erection? I just want it to stick out enough to stop myself pissing on my slippers'.


Cleveland May 24 to June 4th 2007 - I came, I saw, I fucked off home again.
Mr.Jingles user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 25 Feb 08, 12:42 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

My favorite joke is Treasure Moment's band


[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Brandon wrote: [/QUOTENAME]... and now the "best you can offer is Mr. Jingles? HA! He's... just pathetic.[/QUOTE]
Woodie user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 25 Feb 08, 13:08 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

An older walks in a drug store.
- 5.
- 5 what?
- viagra. my russian lady friend is coming over tonight.
Next day, same man walks in:
- 10.
- viagra?
- no. patches. she never showed up.



The colours that you bring are the basis of everything.
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Posted: 25 Feb 08, 14:21 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Mr.Jingles wrote:

My favorite joke is Treasure Moment's band


+1


:)
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Posted: 25 Feb 08, 16:55 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Mr.Jingles wrote:

My favorite joke is Treasure Moment's band



ba-zing!


why pay the visit when the visit is free?



"this shitty guitar wont play what i want! it only knows three chords!"
John S Stuart user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 25 Feb 08, 17:06 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Mr.Jingles wrote:

My favorite joke is Treasure Moment's band


NO: That is beyond a joke.


"Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make."
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Posted: 25 Feb 08, 19:55 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

This is one my Dad used to tell me when I was little. It's pretty lame, but I always liked it when I was a kid. It's a long one...

There once was a little boy who was born as just a head.

Day in and day out, he would sit in the windowsill and watch all of the other kids playing outside.

One day, while the boy was watching the other kids, his mother came in.

"Mom..." he said, "...why didn't God give me a body?"
"I don't know." she replied. "But if you pray hard enough and ask him for one, maybe you'll get one!"

So, that night, the boy closed his eyes and begged God for a body.

The next morning, the boy awoke to find that he now had a body! He rolled out of his bed and down the stairs to his mother.

"MOM! I HAVE A BODY! I HAVE A BODY!" he cheered.
"That's wonderful!" she replied as the boy rolled to the window.

That night, the boy prayed for a pair of arms. When he awoke the next morning, he had arms. Again he told his mother and she was most excited. He then told his mother that he was going to go to bed early that night so he could ask God for legs.

The next morning, the boy awoke with legs. He jumped out of bed, ran down the stairs through the front door, and into the street. BAM! He was hit by a speeding truck and died instantly.

The moral of this story? Quit while you're ahead.


"The tri-tone is the Devil's interval, and he demands resolution." - Richard Lloyd
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Posted: 25 Feb 08, 20:09 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Dan Corson II: esreveR nI wrote:

There once was a little boy who was born as just a head.


On his 18th birthday...
NOT another bloody scarf?

On his 21st birthday...
NOT another bloody hat?

Xmas:
Who is the f*cking joker who bought a pair of socks?


"Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make."
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Posted: 26 Feb 08, 10:32 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

United states marine corps were retiring old officers. The amount of money they would get for the retirement payment would be the distance measured between two points of their body, and the officer could name the two points. The centimeters would be multiplied by 100.

First one said" From my left middle finger to my right", and spread his hands as wide as possible.
He got 17000$.

Second one said, " From my big toe to my right index finger", and raised his hand as high as he could. He got 21000$.

Third one was a war-weary general, serviced in Vietnam and god knows where..
He said
" From the tip of my prick to my testicles "

The sergeants who had measured the two other officers told him that others had named a bit different places that are a bit further from each other.
The General stuck to his words.
Well, the sergeants pulled down his pants and started to measure the distance, but then one of them shouted:

-GODDAMMIT, where are your testicles!!??

-In Vietnam, said the general.

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Posted: 26 Feb 08, 13:41 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

What do you call 3 asians pushing a car?
- asian power

What do you call 3 mexicans pushing a car?
- mexican power

What do you call 3 white guys pushing a car?
- white power

What do you call 3 black guys pushing a car?
- a stolen car


Darling, Im not going to be a rockstar, Im going to be a LEGEND!!
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Posted: 26 Feb 08, 13:50 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

YourValentine wrote:

A nun travels in the train and when she has to get out a little boy jumps up, opens the door for her and helps with the bags.

"Thank you very much for the help" says the nun, "that is very nice of you". "No problem", answers the boy. "Batman's friends are my friends, too!"


Just as I was about to say "I don't get it", I finally got it. LOL

Telling nun jokes is a bad habit.

Mr Mercury user not visiting Queenzone.com
Adam who?????
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Posted: 26 Feb 08, 13:59 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

A newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.

"As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.' From that moment on you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?"

The sperm nodded affirmatively.

Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he hears the siren. He wakes immediately and runs to the tunnel. A multitude of sperm swim behind him. He knows he has to arrive first.

When he nears the entrance to the cavern, he looks back and sees that he is far ahead of the other sperm. He is able to swim at a slower pace but does approach the red, sticky ball.

When, at last, he reaches the red, sticky ball, he smiles and says, "Hi, I'm a sperm!"

The red sticky ball smiles and says, "Hi. I'm a tonsil."


"Normally i can't dance to save my life.

But as soon as I step in dog shit, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson."
JoxerTheDeityPirate user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 26 Feb 08, 14:43 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

nun jokes are fine but just dont get into the habit


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

Yankovic user not visiting Queenzone.com


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Posted: 26 Feb 08, 14:58 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

A man just had sex for the first time of his life.
He calls his father and tell him about it.
The father says "Congratulations! Do you have any questions about it?" and the man replies "Yes, I got one question: When does it stop hurt in my ass?".

StoneColdClassicQueen user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 26 Feb 08, 17:51 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Hahaha I liked most of those jokes.
I like this one. It's an ice breaker:
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree??
Because it was dead!
XD I know it's terrible, but no harm in starting a conversation about monkeys, death, and trees.
Trust me, I've used this already XD
LOL @ bob the shrek, mr. jingles, yankovic, and mr. mercury! Those made my day!


"When you make love to someone, use a condom."-Brian May

______________________________________

Paul Rodgers is Chuck Norris.
brENsKi user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 26 Feb 08, 18:14 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Mr.Jingles wrote:

My favorite joke is Treasure Moment's band

surely unintentional comedy doesn't count?




go deo na h√Čireann