Forums > Personal > Fatty and Janet story for March..

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JoxerTheDeityPirate user not visiting Queenzone.com
JoxerTheDeityPirate
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Posted: 14 Mar 08, 13:11 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

to take our minds of all things floppy and otherwise heres a little tale of simple folk..

Fatty and Janet go to the butchers

today,Fatty is taking his colonial cousin Janet for a stroll and showing her the sights around the quaint city of Glasgow.Glasgow is a small suburb north of London [see geography report of UK on FOX news].
Janet has never been to such a quaint well-mannered part of the world before as Glasgow,Janet is from America [see the hellfire and brimstone].Fatty wants to cook Janet breakfast as he's hungry and has only eaten twice this morning so he takes Janet to the local butchers.at the butchers Fatty sees his gay scottish friend "Tiny",Tiny Cockinmouth.Tiny is wearing a gold larmey waistcoat with sequined buttons and a tulip in the lapel.do you know what a prat looks like [see a pic of floppybollox].
Mr Cockinmouth also happens to be a very good butcher and knows how to handle tough old scottish meat [see a pic of Lulu].however,today,he is having a special promotion on "sausages from around the world".Fatty loves sausages and explains to Janet that he eats them all day long,Janet looks bemused and unimpressed by Fatty's remarks but nods politely so as not to upset him.Janet is a nice woman..
"what specials do you have then Tiny?" asks Fatty
"well.." says Tiny,"I have a wonderful Sausage here from Cornwall.its been soaked in cider for extra richness".
Tiny passes Fatty and Janet a sample of the cornish sausage.Janet is unsure about sampling it but is impressed with the flavour and texture of the sausage and comments to Fatty that she must get some to take back to the USA for her friend Lisser as she would not of seen one like that before.Tiny wraps a big piece of the cider based sausage for Janet and gives Fatty his daily 3kg of Walls bangers for his breakfast.
later that evening Fatty is chatting on Queenzone to his friend Barbara about what he and Janet have been up to...
"well" says Fatty in a camp scottish lisp "me and Janet went to the butchers and Tiny was having a special tasting of his sausage.Janet was a bit nervous to start with but soon got used to having a large cornish sausage in cider.in fact she enjoyed it so much in the end that she is gonna recommend it to her friend Lisser who isnt used to tasting Cornish sausages and she has never had such a big sausage in cider"
can you spit german ale through your nose all over a keyboard?
Barbara can..


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

John S Stuart user not visiting Queenzone.com
John S Stuart
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Posted: 14 Mar 08, 13:40 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Nobody does Fatty stories quite like Fatty.
So 'Fatty and Janet goes to the Butchers' should read something like:

Fatty and Janet goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire.

The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks...

'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?'
'Naw,' replies the butcher.
'It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'.




"Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make."
JoxerTheDeityPirate user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 14 Mar 08, 13:58 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

John S Stuart wrote:

Nobody does Fatty stories quite like Fatty.
So 'Fatty and Janet goes to the Butchers' should read something like:

Fatty and Janet goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire.

The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks...

'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?'
'Naw,' replies the butcher.
'It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'.



only if i wanted it to sound as if i'd got "Bells Palsy"
;-]


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

Erin user not visiting Queenzone.com
Erin
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Posted: 14 Mar 08, 14:40 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

JoxerTheOfficialFacebookPirate wrote:

only if i wanted it to sound as if i'd got "Bells Palsy"
;-]


LOL!

Homer wrote:

Mmmmmmm....sausaaaage...Aaggaagghhhaahh


Janet user not visiting Queenzone.com
Janet
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Posted: 14 Mar 08, 14:57 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I just love a good Fatty and Janet story!

;-)


-If you want the best seat in the house, you have to move the cat.





AspiringPhilosophe user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 14 Mar 08, 15:40 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

*laugh*

Good thing I never ran into any Cornish sausages while I was there with you!
LOL


Formerly MHG
JoxerTheDeityPirate user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 14 Mar 08, 16:50 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

HistoryGirl wrote:

*laugh*

Good thing I never ran into any Cornish sausages while I was there with you!
LOL


no lol
you just had to contend with stuffing balls on xmas day.
*i am sooooooo dead for writing that lol*


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

YourValentine user not visiting Queenzone.com
registered July 27th 2001
YourValentine
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Posted: 14 Mar 08, 17:15 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

"can you spit german ale through your nose all over a keyboard?"

Theoretically yes although it would be diet coke in my case :)



I do not want any google ads here.

JoxerTheDeityPirate user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 14 Mar 08, 19:12 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

^ i shall remember that for next months story ;-]


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

Erin user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 14 Mar 08, 23:56 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

YourValentine wrote:

Theoretically yes although it would be diet coke in my case :)


Ahh...another Diet Cokaholic. ;-)

AspiringPhilosophe user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 15 Mar 08, 12:05 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

JoxerTheOfficialFacebookPirate wrote:

HistoryGirl wrote:

*laugh*

Good thing I never ran into any Cornish sausages while I was there with you!
LOL


no lol
you just had to contend with stuffing balls on xmas day.
*i am sooooooo dead for writing that lol*


Yes....you ARE so dead for writing that!


Formerly MHG
Miss Multiples aka colfarrell1 user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 15 Mar 08, 13:19 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

HistoryGirl wrote:

JoxerTheOfficialFacebookPirate wrote:

HistoryGirl wrote:

*laugh*

Good thing I never ran into any Cornish sausages while I was there with you!
LOL


no lol
you just had to contend with stuffing balls on xmas day.
*i am sooooooo dead for writing that lol*


Yes....you ARE so dead for writing that!



You did leave the window open for him though..


I love you,Beata!
AspiringPhilosophe user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 15 Mar 08, 16:03 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Because I knew he'd jump right through it.
Really I'm just trying to get rid of him.





;-)


Formerly MHG
JoxerTheDeityPirate user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 15 Mar 08, 21:41 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

^ well i hope its a basement window coz im scared of heights.
get rid of me?
your life would be incomplete without the old bearded pirate lol


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

Lady Nyx user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 16 Mar 08, 00:26 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

can i be in a story? *halo*


"why pay the visit when the visit is free?"
Miss Multiples aka colfarrell1 user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 16 Mar 08, 10:08 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

JoxerTheOfficialFacebookPirate wrote:

^ well i hope its a basement window coz im scared of heights.
get rid of me?
your life would be incomplete without the old bearded pirate lol


Why is it that a lot of tall people are scared of heights? The "harem" would have one less member also..Everyone wants a piece of your pirate "booty"..hehe.. :)

I thought this story was one of your best though..


I love you,Beata!
JoxerTheDeityPirate user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 16 Mar 08, 10:16 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Lady Nyx wrote:

can i be in a story? *halo*


of course ;-]


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

JoxerTheDeityPirate user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 16 Mar 08, 10:20 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

colfarrell1 wrote:

JoxerTheOfficialFacebookPirate wrote:

^ well i hope its a basement window coz im scared of heights.
get rid of me?
your life would be incomplete without the old bearded pirate lol


Why is it that a lot of tall people are scared of heights? The "harem" would have one less member also..Everyone wants a piece of your pirate "booty"..hehe.. :)

I thought this story was one of your best though..


got to keep my harem happy ;-]
use mastercard for everything else, but my "booty" is "priceless"..
*other credit cards are available*




isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

Miss Multiples aka colfarrell1 user not visiting Queenzone.com
Miss Multiples aka colfarrell1
Bohemian: 411 posts
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Posted: 16 Mar 08, 10:44 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

JoxerTheOfficialFacebookPirate wrote:

colfarrell1 wrote:

JoxerTheOfficialFacebookPirate wrote:

^ well i hope its a basement window coz im scared of heights.
get rid of me?
your life would be incomplete without the old bearded pirate lol


Why is it that a lot of tall people are scared of heights? The "harem" would have one less member also..Everyone wants a piece of your pirate "booty"..hehe.. :)

I thought this story was one of your best though..


got to keep my harem happy ;-]
use mastercard for everything else, but my "booty" is "priceless"..
*other credit cards are available*



not from what I've heard *whistles innocently and looks around*..


I love you,Beata!
JoxerTheDeityPirate user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 16 Mar 08, 10:49 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

colfarrell1 wrote:

JoxerTheOfficialFacebookPirate wrote:

colfarrell1 wrote:

JoxerTheOfficialFacebookPirate wrote:

^ well i hope its a basement window coz im scared of heights.
get rid of me?
your life would be incomplete without the old bearded pirate lol


Why is it that a lot of tall people are scared of heights? The "harem" would have one less member also..Everyone wants a piece of your pirate "booty"..hehe.. :)

I thought this story was one of your best though..


got to keep my harem happy ;-]
use mastercard for everything else, but my "booty" is "priceless"..
*other credit cards are available*



not from what I've heard *whistles innocently and looks around*..


*raspberry*
it may be an antique now,but its a priceless antique!


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]