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AspiringPhilosophe user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 24 Mar 08, 16:45 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

What a great weekend in Chicago. First I get a call on the train on the way down there that my Grandfather is back in the hospital yet again, and that he's only getting "Comfort Care" until the end, which they were still saying was a couple of weeks away. Not five hours later my guys and I ( I was there with four male friends of mine) are sitting in a Blues Bar in Downtown Chicago when my cousin calls me to tell me that Grandpa died. Of course I'm floored by this information, and all I can manage to say at the time is "I'm in Chicago...I'm in Chicago." Call my mom to find out what the hell is going on, and she confirms that he died about half an hour before. She was a bit pissed at my cousin for calling me to tell me, because she said she wanted to wait until I was back from Chicago to tell me so it didn't ruin my weekend. Of course she tells me not to let it ruin my weekend, but by this point I've already got tears running down my face and all I can do is say, "Right. OK. Right." I also talk to my sister, who is six months pregnant with my nephew and is in shock at the news of grandpa as well. Luckily I was in a blues bar...seemed to fit the mood as I sit apart from the group of guys (who had only tersely offered any kind of condolence) with tears streaming down my face.
I spent the whole day with them the next day, fading in and out of awareness of anything because I'm wrapped up in my thoughts at this point. This is when they decide they are going to purposefully annoy me by quoting the same quote from a Bob Dylan song the WHOLE WEEKEND! They did this ad neauseum, and they know I don't like Bob Dylan and that song is about the stupidest one on the planet. I asked them repeatedly to lay off, and they won't.
Sunday I go to Easter Services at a Catholic Church with two of the guys, because after the news of my Grandfather I just felt a need to go somewhere like that even though I'm not a Catholic and never will be. I find out after the service when I call my mom that apparently my grandfather had decided that he didn't want a funeral. He's already been cremated, and there is a "Celebration of Life" with cake and ice cream next weekend...that's the closest I get to say good bye to him, and excuse me for thinking that saying goodbye to a box of ashes isn't exactly the same thing. So now I'm pissed off anew, and the guys are STILL going at it with the Bob Dylan song. Apparently they decided 24 hours of it wasn't enough. They do that ALL THE WAY HOME...the entire 5 hour train ride from Chicago back to Battle Creek and again in the 2 hour car ride back from Battle Creek.
And I still haven't dealt with any of the emotional garbage that comes with the death of my grandfather, because I had to stuff it all away and down for the sake of the trip and because I don't like to lose it in front of other people...I prefer to be able to do that somewhere alone. Now I'm finally alone in the apartment for a while, and I feel like I can't deal with it because I spent the whole weekend pushing it away.
Too many more weekends like this and I might just snap.


Formerly MHG
Micrówave user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 24 Mar 08, 16:52 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

If you ask me, your Grandfather died exactly when and where he wanted YOU to be. I would take some comfort in that... but you're gonna end up buying that Bob Dylan CD.

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Posted: 24 Mar 08, 17:06 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I'm so very sorry for your loss and especially the way it all went down this weekend. Try to take comfort in the fact that your Grandfather is no longer suffering. Its never easy to say goodbye though, no matter what the circumstances...

xx

:-(


-If you want the best seat in the house, you have to move the cat.





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Posted: 24 Mar 08, 22:55 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I am very sorry about your loss and the circumstances in which you learnt about it. Don't be sad about not having been able to say goodbye. Your grandfather was spared weeks of "comfort care" and you can remember him alive and out of the hospital which is okay because it was not your negligence or your fault that it happened that way. The time is never right when a loved one dies. I hope the celebration of his life will give you some peace and relief.




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Lisser user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 25 Mar 08, 02:40 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I'm so sorry Maggie. You know where I am if you need me. Take care of yourself.


Wo ist das kamerahhhhhhhhhhh!!!



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Music Man user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 25 Mar 08, 03:00 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I'm not sure what to say, but I just want to acknowledge your plight and offer my condolences, however mediocre they may be.


Creativity can always cover for a lack of knowledge.
bobo the chimp user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 25 Mar 08, 07:24 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

That's fucked, man.. sorry to hear about that. I don't know if I could put up with Bob Dylan in those circumstances,
God bless you. I can only say that I know how sucky it is to not get a goodbye to a grandparent.


"Your not funny, your not a good musician, theres a difference between being funny and being an idiot, you obviously being the latter" - Dave R Fuller
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Posted: 25 Mar 08, 10:26 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Sorry, Maggie. :-(

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Posted: 25 Mar 08, 12:25 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

sorry to hear your news Maggie.seems as if Murphy was up to his tricks again.chat soon on MSN.
one question is bugging me though..
what was the Dylan song?


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

im gonna ride the wild wind!

its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!

joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

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Posted: 25 Mar 08, 14:28 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Maggie, what you're feeling is among the worst feelings possible. I know because I felt it when my grandfather died years ago. I read some of the replies hear and have to say I agree completely with what Microwave said - your grandfather died precisely when YOU were where he wanted you to be.

I'd taken the night shift to be by my grandfather's side his last night. He kept having nightmares or seizures - I'll never know which for sure - and I'd calm him by talking to him. I was there with him for over 14 hours straight, right by his side. Noon the next day, I couldn't stay any more. I had to go to work. I could have walked that's how close the office was. When I got there, my mom called. He'd passed moments after I pulled out of the driveway. He'd held on until the moment I'd gone. It was the way he wanted it.

In your case, as for saying goodbye, since your grandfather didn't want a funeral, he didn't want the heartache and tears 'goodbye' usually brings. He wanted you to remember him healthy and happy. Share accounts of good times together, and let those happy memories be what you keep in your heart, not how he might have looked or felt at the end.

And your friends? I think it's good they distracted/annoyed you all weekend. They helped replace some of the grief with anger - and sometimes, anger is easier to deal with. That you've yet to have a melt down, doesn't mean you're not mourning him, just that the shock of it might have worn just a bit.

All of this is easy for me to say since my feelings of grief and shock have long ebbed, so I wouldn't blame you for ignoring the lot of this overlong post.

<<<hugs>>>



"The others don't like my interviews. And frankly, I don't care much for theirs." ~ Freddie Mercury



AspiringPhilosophe user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 26 Mar 08, 09:45 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Thank you all for your words here. I'm working my way through the stages of grief, though I am having a hard time getting through the anger phase since I feel like I don't get to say good bye to my grandfather because he decided he didn't want to provide us with a chance to do that.

@ Jon....
they were only singing one line of one song...for 48 straight hours. "How does it feel?" I'm still pretty angry with them and actually have been trying to avoid them for the last few days so I don't snap at them and lose it completely.


Formerly MHG
The Mir@cle user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 26 Mar 08, 15:12 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Maggie,

Sorry for my late response.

I'm sorry to read this. You so looked forward to this, and then this happens. I'm sorry. I hope you're better now.




I got to try al little more,

because I'm an asshole but I'm learning.



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its_a_hard_life 26994 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 26 Mar 08, 15:16 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

HistoryGirl wrote:


they were only singing one line of one song...for 48 straight hours. "How does it feel?"


"Like A Rolling Stone" Must be the name of the song...

And I'm sorry for your loss.



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Posted: 27 Mar 08, 13:21 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I am very sorry for your loss, and I hope you are taking care of yourself.