yes,boys and girls,its time for another bed time story of innocence and harmless innuendo.so grab a marshmallow and a cup of cocoa and make yourself comfy.
todays story is..
Fatty and Janet go to the pub
today,Fatty is having 'one of those days' and decides that he wants to go to the pub.do you have 'one of those days'? Fatty has 'one of those days' quite often,Fatty is Scottish,its part of their culture to have days like that [see a pic of the British Prime Minister].
Fatty puts on his gold larmy suit and wraps his feather boa around his neck and adjusts his sequined sporran in front of the mirror for nearly an hour before he comes downstairs to show Janet what he looks like.Can you roll your eyes into the back of your head? Janet can.
Fatty and Janet head towards the pub,Fatty skips all the way there as he knows its 'happy hour' at this time of the day.When they get there Janet sits on the bench outside and hands Fatty a £10 note.do you know what an 'anti-social behaviour order' is? Janet does,she isnt allowed in the pub anymore after the incident with Lisser and the Firemens hose.
Fatty,skips gayly into the pub and looks around,there appears to be a theme night on in the pub and its quite busy.Fatty queues at the bar for what seems an eternity before the barmaid sees him,Fatty's friend Joxer knows how this feels [go visit the Sandbar].
there is a new barmaid starting at the bar today,her name is Sparrow and is doing the bar work to get into practice for when she buys Joxer his own bar from her royalties from her first album. [see the pic of Joxer as Miss Haversham]
by now Fatty is like a 'desert dog' and is gasping for a beer."a pint of beer and a white wine spritzer please" says Fatty in a camp lispy voice.Sparrow pours Fatty the drinks and Fatty has a sip from his white wine spritzer before he asks Sparrow whats going on in the pub for it to be so busy.
"well" says Sparrow,"we are having a Las Vegas card night here so the bar is being segregated.for tonight only you may only drink your booze on the front patio as they are playing 'texas hold em' in the back room"
"ok" says Fatty "it looks really popular back there"
"yes" says sparrow,"i'm just about to finish my shift and the boys are gonna show me how to play,you can play too but it costs £5 to play in that room and you would probably have to join the queue and wait a while"
Fatty looks at the change from Janets £10 and puts it in his pocket,Fatty is Scottish and always pockets Janets change for himself."no" he lisps "i had better take Janet her beer before she starts to worry" and leaves Sparrow to finish her work.When outside Janet is twitching and tapping the ashtray on the patio table [do you know what a drunkard is,Fatty does]
"where you been?" snaps Janet "i'm bloody thirsty"
"well" says Fatty,passing Janet her beer, "i was at the bar chatting to the barmaid and she said it was busy in there because you could only 'liquor up the front' but the men were queueing up to play 'poker in the rear' and she said i could join them for an extra £5 but i would have to wait my turn before joining in"
Janets face goes a purple colour as she picks up the ashtray again..
[see profile pic for proof]
isnt innuendo an italian suppository?
im gonna ride the wild wind!
its_a_hard_life wrote:you nutcase you rule!
joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]