Hello all. Long time no see.
I was down the Reform Club t'other night ( well, every night actually - I need to be out of the house a lot at the moment, we've a toddler potty training, so there's shit all over the shop. She says hello, by the way ), and I made a witty remark about the band that were playing. Something along the lines of they must be playing with their arses to hit all those bum notes. Anyway, it was terrifically funny, and you would definitely have laughed had you been there. But my chum Winker Watkins pipes up: "Aw c'mon Flash, they aren't too bad. Anyway, what do you know about music? A bloody Queen fan, aren't you?"
I replied in the affirmative and prepared myself to respond to the usual stream of questions that you've probably answered yourself a dozen or so times.
WINKER : I saw em on that show t'other week. They had some fella singing with em. What's all that about? What's his name?
FLASHY: Paul Rodgers
WINKER : Does he though? But what's he called?
FLASHY : No, that is his name. He used to be in a band whose name I forget. Oh aye, Free, that was it, I think. They did that song, oh y'know, err... Alright Now. You may remember it from that chewing gum advert with that bird with the tits.
WINKER : Oh aye! I remember. Good tits, those. What else did they do?
FLASHY: Fuck knows. Something about a Wishing Well, or something.
WINKER : Didn't WetWetWet do a cover of that?
FLASHY: I expect so, Winks. They covered everything else.
WINKER: And didn't Queen used to have another guitarist? That bloke who never did anything? He was crap, him. I could have done that.
FLASHY: John Deacon? He's retired. And he was bloody brilliant. He wrote some of their biggest hits, and was a wonderfully gifted bass player.
WINKER: Aye, he was rubbish, him. Well, whoever that bloke Paul Whatsit was, he's no Freddie Mercury. Shame he was a poof, otherwise I'd have probably been a fan myself. But it ain't natural what that lot get up to.
FLASHY: It doesn't bear thinking about. Here, clock the arse on that sort over there! I might just have a pop at that later on, if she's lucky.
WINKER : Blimey, Flash! She must be 50 years old! What the hell are you drinking?
FLASHY : I say, that's jolly decent of you. A triple brandy, don't you know.
Don't you get tired of having to explain what's going on with Queen these days? I've yet to meet anyone who has heard of Paul Rodgers, or doesn't immediately go 'Dusty Bin?' when his name is mentioned. Why did you have to snuff it, Freddie?
Look at the state of us.
FLASHMAN STRIKES AGAIN!
Paul Rodgers is not the best thing since fried Fred.