Forums > Personal > I'm sure ANY other father would react the same way...

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Dan C. user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 07 Jul 08, 21:32 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25571617/?GT1=43001

Wow.


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inu-liger user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 07 Jul 08, 22:02 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Arranged marriages MUST be abolished.

Those are so old, it's medieval. It's really never a happy situation to be in.

I can't believe people still follow that.

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Posted: 07 Jul 08, 23:44 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

If you were born in India, you would know how common this is. I hate this stupid "custom". In fact it's one of the things I'm ashamed about of this country. 90% of all marriages in India are arranged. Women are almost ALWAYS forced to marry before they turn 20. If they're lucky, then they're married off at 22-23. But definitely before graduation. Parents think that having a higher degree makes their daughter less desirable to a lesser-educated groom.

Even more disgusting - child marriage! Although it's nominally illegal, it's prevalent in many rural areas. Backward village idiots...


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Posted: 07 Jul 08, 23:44 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote




"only way to really know what the hell we are doing on this earth is through sacred plants and mushrooms." - Treasure Moment
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Posted: 08 Jul 08, 04:19 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Forced and arranged marriages are still common practice in many countries, not only India. It happens in many Islamic countries, even if the laws might not allow it. It's one of the biggest problems many women face in this world. Just recently the case of 8-year old Nojud from Yemen was in worldwide news - the courageous little girl managed to run away from her husband and found a judge who allowed her a divorce from her husband
http://www.alarabiya.net/articles/2008/04/16/48384.html

One can only hope that she won't be killed by her enraged family.

So called "honour killings" are not so rare, mainly in families who live in Western countries women often refuse to be forced into a marriage apparently hurting the "honour" of their male relatives. We have had several such "honour killings" in Turkish families in my country. However, while we are qick to condemn the barbaric Turks and their medieval idea of women belonging to men, we do not condemn German men in the same way when so called "family tragedies" happen, i. e. the divorced husband kills his children, his ex wife who has custody of the children and himself. It's the same attitude of "I rather kill them when I cannot own them".


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Posted: 08 Jul 08, 06:22 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

inu-liger wrote:

Arranged marriages MUST be abolished.

Those are so old, it's medieval. It's really never a happy situation to be in.

I can't believe people still follow that.


Actually, I read an interview last Saturday with a 30-year-old woman, who said that she was very happy in her arranged marriage (which had already lasted for some 10 years). So, while it is not a good institution, IMHO, it can still bring happiness, so denouncing it completely is short-sighted too.


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Posted: 08 Jul 08, 19:19 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

An arranged marriage can certainly lead to a happy, loving, and long-lasting...even perfect relationship. That said, denouncing it completely is NOT short-sighted at all. It is a clear and undeniable infringement upon a woman's most basic rights - even if you ignore all the baggage that may come with it (which can be clearly illustrated in this article).

I am sure you didn't mean what you said, which would be comparable to not denouncing slavery completely because some slaves may be happier or better off because of their enslavement. I think, even if only from a human rights point of view, that both these institutions deserve nothing but complete and utter contempt.


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Posted: 09 Jul 08, 06:54 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

When you’re in a relationship, trust and love are built over time. There’s a mutual exchange, a give and take. Even then, even when we take the time to get to know someone else and we believe we’ve forged the bond we need for trust and love to last, we make mistakes – some of them tremendous and harrowing mistakes. Imagine being forced into a life with someone you don’t know – or do know but don’t feel a connection to. The woman’s choice is nonexistent. She’s forced to be intimate and to remain with a man she does not love or perhaps even fears. The horror of that is unimaginable to me, and if children are involved, they’ll never see true caring or affection between their parents but rather a perverted sense of what is acceptable and even expected.

The only thing worse than staying in a relationship where there is no form of mutual trust or attachment – or where it’s been built on familiarity not love – is being forced into that life, that prison, by people you learned to trust long ago. Your family. Your parents. That’s the ultimate betrayal.

Of course, an arranged marriage can work out. But for the cultures in which this is common, it must work or dishonor is brought to the family. It’s disgusting and punishable here when one spouse beats the other, but when a woman is abused by her own family and forced to stay where she might already be abused or simply miserable emotionally, those crimes are explained by the label of ‘custom’. To hell with any custom that holds part of its population prisoner. I didn’t read the entire article, I don’t know if it says what happened to the father. My hope is that they find him and throw him into jail where he can learn, first hand, what it means to be sacrificed and to become nothing more than the property of someone else.



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Posted: 09 Jul 08, 11:50 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

magicalfreddiemercury wrote:

When you’re in a relationship, trust and love are built over time. There’s a mutual exchange, a give and take. Even then, even when we take the time to get to know someone else and we believe we’ve forged the bond we need for trust and love to last, we make mistakes – some of them tremendous and harrowing mistakes. Imagine being forced into a life with someone you don’t know – or do know but don’t feel a connection to. The woman’s choice is nonexistent. She’s forced to be intimate and to remain with a man she does not love or perhaps even fears. The horror of that is unimaginable to me, and if children are involved, they’ll never see true caring or affection between their parents but rather a perverted sense of what is acceptable and even expected.

The only thing worse than staying in a relationship where there is no form of mutual trust or attachment – or where it’s been built on familiarity not love – is being forced into that life, that prison, by people you learned to trust long ago. Your family. Your parents. That’s the ultimate betrayal.

Of course, an arranged marriage can work out. But for the cultures in which this is common, it must work or dishonor is brought to the family. It’s disgusting and punishable here when one spouse beats the other, but when a woman is abused by her own family and forced to stay where she might already be abused or simply miserable emotionally, those crimes are explained by the label of ‘custom’. To hell with any custom that holds part of its population prisoner. I didn’t read the entire article, I don’t know if it says what happened to the father. My hope is that they find him and throw him into jail where he can learn, first hand, what it means to be sacrificed and to become nothing more than the property of someone else.

I couldn't sum it up better than you have. I know the reality of this because the marriage between my parents was an arranged one like 90% of marriages in India. There is no "real love" between them or whatever. My dad has had many affairs behind my mom's back and whatever. I don't want to elaborate but the custom of arranged marriage is extremely disastrous and I hate it.

Here in India, even guys are coerced into arranged marriages, sometimes. Parents often threaten their sons saying that they'll write them off their will. Believe me, one of my friends had to end his studies because his dad wanted him to marry the daughter of one of his rich friends. The woman was 40-something, divorced with children. If I remember correctly, his dad told him that he'd kill himself had he not complied with his decision.

The case with women is worse, like I mentioned before. Asshole, paedophile village people "like 'em young" and proactively seek out brides under the age of 10. Some may find it surprising, but this is illegal in India ONLY because "early marriages" are like to result in more children. The judges don't recognize any moral grounds against it, nor do they acknowledge the fact that 10 year olds aren't sexually mature. As a result, the law is rarely enforced in rural areas because judges think "it's okay".


"only way to really know what the hell we are doing on this earth is through sacred plants and mushrooms." - Treasure Moment