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itsmeskc user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 01 Oct 09, 05:02 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote


                                                                                 A SEA SHELL

Toes wiggle in the sand as the tide slowly recedes out to sea

A SEA SHELL washed ashore wondering where it use to be

The sun falling below the sea decreases an illuminated sky

The moon appearing overhead seemingly as if always close by

Stars twinkle planets shine sattelites though unseen whiz by

The tide comes in once again taking  A SEA SHELL out to sea

Toes still wiggle pondering the amazement of earth's mystery



 (this is one of many songs-well, they are not songs as of yet as there is no music set to them- but potential songs i have  written lyrics for. So what do you think? It's one of my rather, lets say 'softer' ones, as my other titles are things like "evil motherfucker"  "the misfit with an outfit"  "technology of sin"  "daryll the derelict"  "nine day run"  "true lies"  "idiocy"  "abattoir"  "too many motherfuckers are in my way"  "finality")

So what's the point in all this- hell I'm just bored tonight!



sc
dragon-fly user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 01 Oct 09, 05:38 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Isn't it to short for a song? For me, it sounds more like Japanese poetry (if understand me).

itsmeskc user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 01 Oct 09, 08:42 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote


ok then how is this

THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN

The modern world has advanced THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN
Taking with it younger souls as heaven struggles to win
Seedy lifestyles are now only a few clicks away
As Satan spends more time online finding souls astray


(chorus)
THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN
the battle forever lost
THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN
will be worth every cost
THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN
once depravity now quite tame
THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN
Jesus just lost this game
THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN
today what do they sell
THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN
paving my way to hell

A search for 'pornography' offered up 4.6 million sites
Many of which are visited by the religious right
Typing in 'Christianity' yielded only 3.4 million hits
Proof positive THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN over Jesus favors tits

(repeat chorus)



sc
dragon-fly user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 01 Oct 09, 09:50 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Well, this is interesting! It's a bit rough and controversial.... but I like the idea of it. The first part before chorus is very good (I think). But there's a doubt about that numbers in the song. On my opinion it would be better to change a couple of lines in the end- and you will get a great result. Keep sending more:)

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Posted: 01 Oct 09, 12:48 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

great, but you repeat so much THE TECHNOLOGY OF SIN!



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Posted: 01 Oct 09, 13:02 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

The final verse of technology of sin is awesome.



"only way to really know what the hell we are doing on this earth is through sacred plants and mushrooms." - Treasure Moment
catqueen user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 01 Oct 09, 15:06 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I really like Seashell!  Very gentle, peaceful, whimsickle even.  (And I don't know how to spell whimsickle, hope you know what I mean!)  It's beautiful. 
And Technology made me smile.  :)

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cacatua
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Posted: 01 Oct 09, 15:28 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Sorry, I'm a pagan and the whole satan and sin thing is a Christian trip.


Everyone thinks his own fleas are gazelles.
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See right through you!!
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Posted: 01 Oct 09, 16:11 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote


I liked Technology Of Sin better, the lyrics are quite in-your-face. But like already stated, you probably need to add another paragraph to give it a proper lenght for a song.

itsmeskc user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 02 Oct 09, 20:03 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

i don't understand the logic in that- not the being a pagan thing- the idea that just because you dont believe in something means that it has no meaning to you- i mean i myself am an athiest, but the percentage of people on the planet who are believers is overwhelming, and i am interested in people and the world at large, so the words dont have to be directly related to you or anyone viewing them, but they could be if one wanted, but if there is no personal connection to whats said, that doesnt mean that one cant understand its meaning in relation to those that do believe in the "whole satan and sin thing". it would be a rather boring life if one only ever read or showed interest in something that they themself have to be personally in line with. i have a Bachelor's Degree in History, and i am very well read on Nazi Germany- but believe me, i am no Nazi admirer- but if i would have said to myself- well that "holocaust" thing is a whole Nazi trip, so i wont even bother reading it because "that whole facism thing is a Nazi trip". Now i know you and others are probably going to think 'wow, this guy is going on and on about one tiny post about not commenting on his song'- and you are all right, i do have a tendency to get rather long winded or over-analyzing. so on that note, before i go into a long diatribe about the reasons for the over-analyzing, i'll be off now......


cacatua wrote:

Sorry, I'm a pagan and the whole satan and sin thing is a Christian trip.










sc
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Posted: 02 Oct 09, 20:17 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote



dragon-fly wrote:

Well, this is interesting! It's a bit rough and controversial.... but I like the idea of it. The first part before chorus is very good (I think). But there's a doubt about that numbers in the song. On my opinion it would be better to change a couple of lines in the end- and you will get a great result. Keep sending more:)

many thanks for the constructive suggestions and encouraging words. you ended above qoute with something about "sending more"- so here are some titles with a few lines included for each one-- anyone can feel free to let me know which one they might think i should post the full words to..take care






sc
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Posted: 02 Oct 09, 20:33 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

ABATTOIR ( it's a french word meaning "slauterhouse")

The world is an ABATTOIR, as calls to arms still sound
Endless bodies in motion, waging wars all around
All the while the dead walking wounded abound
As a deluge of blood and tears soak into the ground...................

AMERICAN TERRORISTS  (this comments on how my countries politicians are
                                               going on and on about terror, but more of a focus, 
                                               or as much, should be made curbing the number
                                               of filth in this country who rob, rape, and murder)

Same old story, trying to save the world from horror
While each and every day our poor are getting poorer
Policing the globe with 100 Billion in foreign aid
While crime filth waste, here it's 100 percent American made.......

......They dont know Allah or wear white robes and a turban
It's not God or symbolic clothes that they're concerned in
They're not hijackers, snipers, or even suicide bombers
They're homegrown killrs, and on our streets they wander..............

more later...



sc
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Posted: 03 Oct 09, 02:31 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Well, here's my commentary:).
Both of them has an interesting streak. I see that your style in general has controversial direction. Something like Rage Against The Machine. That's not bad, but don't overdo it:).  Actually I wonder how finish both of them. Can you post the first one (Abattoir) entirely? It's difficult to estimate the pieces.

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Posted: 03 Oct 09, 11:33 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote




dragon-fly wrote:

Well, here's my commentary:).
Both of them has an interesting streak. I see that your style in general has controversial direction. Something like Rage Against The Machine. That's not bad, but don't overdo it:).  Actually I wonder how finish both of them. Can you post the first one (Abattoir) entirely? It's difficult to estimate the pieces.

the other verses to ABATTOIR besides the one already posted:


The world is an ABATTOIR, self preservation a hard sell
A destiny, inevitable fate, our purpose some will tell
Any and all of our intentions paving the way to hell
In need of more power, coin, land, and oil, they yell

The world is an ABATTOIR, competition a deadly game
With wild animals we can, but ourselves we can't tame
To each other we inflict , rape, murder, and maim
Winners or losers nonetheless our blood runs the same

and the chorus to ABATTOIR:

The world is an ABATTOIR and you are the game
Don't just sit there and wonder who's to blame
Stand up, speak up, or your life they will claim
Your love into hate and your flesh into flame




sc
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Posted: 03 Oct 09, 11:51 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Yeah! Now I like it! Well done.
About the rhyme- I hope it's not going to be a rap song:)

itsmeskc user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 03 Oct 09, 11:59 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

yeah, i suppose i do tend to write alot about the more "heavy" or as you say, 'controversial' topics
but here are some excepts from some others:  

WILDERNESS PATH (about a trip to the mountains-enjoying nature)

Lying on a path  Looking up in awe 
Green trees  Clean air
White clouds  Blue sky 
This hypnotic  Amazing place
Cherishing  Relishing  This moment
A special  A long  Moment
Sky darkens  Shines its stars  Ever so bright
The cool wind  Through the leaves 
The luminous moon  Hidden in part..........


FINALITY  (about my belief that it is more likely there is no after-life or soul)

I was born into the FINALITY of death
Until then all I have is each and every breath
No soul or spirit that will carry on
Bones and ash as all else is gone

Bury me if you wish, though I could care a less
I cease to exist outside this fleshy decaying mess
Can't do anything to something that no longer exists
When it ends it ends and there's no point to resist

The only way for better or worse in which I will carry on
Is within the memories of those I've loved or hurt who aren't yet gone





sc
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Posted: 03 Oct 09, 12:08 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I like your "heavy stuff" more. Maybe because once in a blue moon I write about such subjects myself:).
I can't praise Wildeness Path, but the Finality is absolutely great!
By the way, the last two- songs or poems?

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Posted: 04 Oct 09, 08:04 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote



dragon-fly wrote:

I like your "heavy stuff" more. Maybe because once in a blue moon I write about such subjects myself:).
I can't praise Wildeness Path, but the Finality is absolutely great!
By the way, the last two- songs or poems? 


  1. basically i have copyrighted all my stuff because i hope to one day really be able to do something with it- and exactly what that may entail i dont know, soi really dont write with the fore-thought of "o.k. i'm gonna make this one a poem, and this one a song"....just because something along the length of "FINALITY" seems too short to some people to be considered a song, in my thinking that is not the case. I write until i believe ive said what ive wanted, and if that is too short or too long in the opinion of others, well thats just how it has tobe.  I like to sing as well, and have been told, in all humility, that im quite good- so my hope is to one day maybe hook up with someone who writes music and maybe work together and record some stuff. I have no prospects of that happening any time soon, and i unfortunately dont have the resources, capacity, or motivating drive to go out and make it happen by hanging out and social networking through the rock clubs in L.A. and Hollywood. ( i live only an hour's drive east of Los Angeles)- i'll continue in a second post....






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Posted: 04 Oct 09, 08:26 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

.....so who knows maybe all just put out a booklet of my stuff as poems or writings etc...and they will never be made into songs....so i really dont get hung up on classifying any of them as poems or songs...plus when you think of it, and since were on a QUEEN site, if you were to look at just the written words to, say, "NEVERMORE"  or "LILY OF THE VALLEY"  or  "DEAR FRIENDS"  or many more examples if i needed to list them, those are all quite short and while i understand to make it in the music business one would have to get established with proper songs that would have wide appeal and be played on the radio etc...but i have no aspirations of fame and more wealth,...id be content with something musically done with my stuff if it were limited to just giving it to my family and friends and anyone else who would take it. It may ever only amount to what were doing here, or me posting it on other sites to invoke a chuckle, a deep thought, or even a reaction of disgust or offense taken to some of my stuff (believe me, the stuff youve seen is quite tame, lots, or most, of my other stuff is blatantly insulting or offensive to some individuals or groups as awhole (for instance, i have one called "IDIOCY" which wouldnt go down to well with evangelcals, or another called "EVIL MOTHERFUCKER"  which would probably never be able to see the light of day on a radioi station anyway... ok- ive gone on much too long...so dragonfly, where r u located exactly and i might add, you are certainly one who has taken more interest in my stuff than the response i get on other metworks and sites when i post---out!!!!!!!!!!!


sc
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Posted: 04 Oct 09, 09:15 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Unbelievable!!!  Are you mad at me? For what?!!!
Do you think I can steal your songs? Why would I need it?! I thought there's somebody to talk about writing- and here you have it! Don't ask about my location- English songs/poems nobody will print here!
So, take my apology for my curiosity and attention  to your posts! I am very sorry for my advices to you. And also, excuse me that I have an interest in this area!
Good luck & farewell!