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StoneColdClassicQueen user not visiting Queenzone.com
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StoneColdClassicQueen
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Posted: 09 Jan 10, 19:01 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I need your advice on something. I know this probably isn't the best way to approach a problem because I know a lot of you won't take it seriously and I'm being stupid for referring to a site full of strangers for advice, but I just need to ask someone...
Ok, for starters, my sister broke up with her boyfriend. Thing is, this guy was CONTROLLING. Seriously controlling. He had all these intentions if you know what I mean. She didn't accept any of the conditions he established, so the fucker dumped her on her birthday! I don't know much else except that he yelled at her horribly and now she's really low. I don't know what he's told her, but it obviously wasn't good since she's been crying for days now. She thought she was in love, but this guy was way out of line. He had an utter lack of respect for her and our family. In my opinion, he brainwashed her and was just trying to take advantage of her since she's emotionally weak.
These problems have been there for a long time now. My sister needs to know that this guy was dangerous for her and does not deserve her. All she does is mope around and snap at me when I offer her something. I know it's probably too early to do anything, but what if it goes on for too long? As her sister, I want to be there for her and help her. How do I get through? I don't want to say the wrong thing and look like an idiot. Any tips on how to talk to her once she's calmed down? And, I'd also like to know what to do once someone has broken up with their boyfriend. How do I get her mind off?
Thanks.



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Angeline user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 11 Jan 10, 13:34 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote



StoneColdClassicQueen wrote:

I need your advice on something. I know this probably isn't the best way to approach a problem because I know a lot of you won't take it seriously and I'm being stupid for referring to a site full of strangers for advice, but I just need to ask someone...
Ok, for starters, my sister broke up with her boyfriend. Thing is, this guy was CONTROLLING. Seriously controlling. He had all these intentions if you know what I mean. She didn't accept any of the conditions he established, so the fucker dumped her on her birthday! I don't know much else except that he yelled at her horribly and now she's really low. I don't know what he's told her, but it obviously wasn't good since she's been crying for days now. She thought she was in love, but this guy was way out of line. He had an utter lack of respect for her and our family. In my opinion, he brainwashed her and was just trying to take advantage of her since she's emotionally weak.
These problems have been there for a long time now. My sister needs to know that this guy was dangerous for her and does not deserve her. All she does is mope around and snap at me when I offer her something. I know it's probably too early to do anything, but what if it goes on for too long? As her sister, I want to be there for her and help her. How do I get through? I don't want to say the wrong thing and look like an idiot. Any tips on how to talk to her once she's calmed down? And, I'd also like to know what to do once someone has broken up with their boyfriend. How do I get her mind off?
Thanks.




Christ now if I knew the answer to that one...

It's such a terrible bleak kind of feeling, heartache.  Personally I find it a perpetual dull pain rather than agony.  I really wonder if time isn't the only thing.  I do think 2 weeks is the minimum time for the terrible day-to-day missing of someone to pass.  Do lots of activities, physical if possible.  And just allow her to be a bit mopey, it's a right of passage.




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Posted: 11 Jan 10, 14:07 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

StoneCold, that is so sweet of you!  And your poor sister, it must be a horrible time for her to go through.  I dont really have any advice as such... i guess i dont know if there is really anything much anyone can 'do' for someone, she will have to go through the pain herself.  Just be there if she needs you and be willing to give her some space to 'grieve' the relationship if that is the right word.  Somehow, controlling relationships often have a fierce hold on ppl, and the longer it goes on the worse it gets and the harder it is for the one being controlled to remain strong, so your sister needs time to adjust and regain her confidence.  I guess one other thing you can do is remember that she could be missing her boyfriend for a long while still, so even if it goes a few weeks and she is crabby she may need a bit of extra patience and understanding.  Getting out and seeing her other friends is also helpful, both for the support they give and just to get her head together.
And take care of yourself, dont worry too much!  :)

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Posted: 11 Jan 10, 14:38 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Just tell her that she can come to you whenever she feels like discussing her situation. There is nothing more you can do. Unless she does not want to talk, there is no way to address the issue. It's good that she refused to accept his "rules", that means he did not succeed in manipulating her to the extent of self loathing. Apparently this kind of control freaks does not die out - unfortunately.



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Posted: 11 Jan 10, 21:23 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

sit with her, hug her, just show her what real affection and love is.  be understanding and accept her shouting and snappyness.  she is vulnerable and needs time to accept the fact that she is not with this guy anymore.  My sister went out with one of these creeps a few years ago and her confidence was shattered for a while after but she is back to herself now and can't believe she let it get so bad.  These guys are manipulators and know how to really make you feel bad about yourself because that's the way they feel themselves.  So I would just say time and compassion and it that doesn't work then make her watch Sleeping With The Enemy.


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bobo the chimp user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 12 Jan 10, 02:55 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

If you really want to help her, show her "Deathproof" with Kurt Russell as the main villain.


"Your not funny, your not a good musician, theres a difference between being funny and being an idiot, you obviously being the latter" - Dave R Fuller
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Posted: 14 Jan 10, 16:53 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

If he was so dangerous, why wait until now?  If he brainwashed her, why wait until now?  He obviously made her happy (at one point) enough to turn away from you and your family.  I would think that would immediately set "the family" against him, no matter what.  I'm sure he paints a totally different picture to his family and friends, just as you're doing now. 

Unless your sister is a teenager, leave her alone.  She's a big girl.  Some girls want a manipulating, controlling relationship.  Odds are, she's going to do it again.   You and your family aren't going to get anywhere dogging him and telling her she made a bad choice.  If anything, you'll make it worse.

Just buy her a vibrator and a gift card to the mall.  She'll be fine.

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Posted: 14 Jan 10, 17:52 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

How old is your sister and how old is he?

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Posted: 14 Jan 10, 20:13 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote



 



 










Don't shun it!
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Posted: 14 Jan 10, 20:17 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote



Micrówave wrote:

If he was so dangerous, why wait until now?  If he brainwashed her, why wait until now?  He obviously made her happy (at one point) enough to turn away from you and your family.  I would think that would immediately set "the family" against him, no matter what.  I'm sure he paints a totally different picture to his family and friends, just as you're doing now. 

Unless your sister is a teenager, leave her alone.  She's a big girl.  Some girls want a manipulating, controlling relationship.  Odds are, she's going to do it again.   You and your family aren't going to get anywhere dogging him and telling her she made a bad choice.  If anything, you'll make it worse.

Just buy her a vibrator and a gift card to the mall.  She'll be fine.

You are a complete cunt.








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bobo the chimp user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 19 Jan 10, 11:25 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Ha!!!!  Bravo


"Your not funny, your not a good musician, theres a difference between being funny and being an idiot, you obviously being the latter" - Dave R Fuller
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Posted: 20 Jan 10, 10:45 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote



Micrówave wrote:

If he was so dangerous, why wait until now?  If he brainwashed her, why wait until now?  He obviously made her happy (at one point) enough to turn away from you and your family.  I would think that would immediately set "the family" against him, no matter what.  I'm sure he paints a totally different picture to his family and friends, just as you're doing now. 

Unless your sister is a teenager, leave her alone.  She's a big girl.  Some girls want a manipulating, controlling relationship.  Odds are, she's going to do it again.   You and your family aren't going to get anywhere dogging him and telling her she made a bad choice.  If anything, you'll make it worse.

Just buy her a vibrator and a gift card to the mall.  She'll be fine.



I agree with the buying of the vibrator but the gift card to the mall is a shitty idea!!! Have you seen the stores in malls lately? They are terrible! Get her a gift card to go eat somewhere. Fur real dag.






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Posted: 20 Jan 10, 11:07 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

It could be that she's simply nursing a broken heart. But, if the guy really was controlling, then she might also feel lost. The best thing for her could be to get back in touch with her friends - friends I'd guess he didn't want hanging around her while they were together. She needs to remember who she was before that guy and what it feels like to be her own person again. Reconnecting with her old self, her old friends and life could help her do both. Healing heartache is a sucky process.



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Posted: 20 Jan 10, 21:35 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote


Get her to listen to It's A Hard Life :-)


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Posted: 26 Jan 10, 01:23 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

PaulSmith2001 wrote:

You are a complete cunt.


Dang, you're right.  How insensitive of me.

sit with her, hug her, just show her what real affection and love is.  And THEN whip out the vibrator!!!!!!

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Posted: 31 Jan 10, 07:13 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Hows things with your sister now, StoneColdClassicQueen???