Fans realize something Queen does not, that a robust 40 year-old billion-dollar band, while seemingly healthy, is in actuality as fragile as two bricks tied together with tissue paper. One mistake, one bad mis-step will cause the entire thing to shatter and fall apart; and Queen would be ruined forever.
Fortunately, there is hope. The Queen fanbase has resolved to remain ever vigilant against something that could Ruin Queen Forever, and call out a warning if they see something that could potentially do so.
Some Queen conservationists suggest a more extreme approach, that Queen should abandon all attempts at re-invention and instead cater exclusively to the old-school fans. Though attractive, this approach may prove impractical as a long-term solution.
Ruined Forever remains a serious threat to Queen now and in the foreseeable future, though it's possible a proposed initiative requiring fans to purchase occassional re-issues could ensure our fragile brand's existence through the mid-21st century.
Things that have Ruined Queen in the past:
- Synthesizers (except on songs we like)
- the Hot Space album (except for Under Pressure)
- Freddie's moustache
- the 1980s
- Queen+ projects that don't have the names "David" or "Bowie" attached to them
- the many US Best-Of type collections
- We Will Rock You: The Musical
- Paul Rodgers
- American Idol (Sell outs!)
- Canadian Idol (Sell outs, eh!)
- Hollywood Records' 1991 remixes (except for Brian Maloufs)
- Fairy songs on the first three albums (for some fans)
- The lack of Fairy songs after the first three albums (for the other fans)
- New fans ('kids today, I tell ya!')
- Viagra commercials
- Wayne's World ("I was headbanging in my car before it was cool!")
Rest assured, however, that the True Fans will oppose anything produced which undermines Queen's legacy.
A True Fan is somebody who agrees completely and rigidly with the viewpoint of the person using the term.
"My point of view is the correct one, and if you disagree with me you're not a true fan, and thus not worthy of my time."
"Anyone who likes The Works isn't a true fan."
"Anyone who doesn't like The March Of The Black Queen isn't a true fan."
"Anyone who thinks The Cosmos Rocks is awesome isn't a true fan."
Needless to say, these sorts of people rather annoy most other fans, who regard them as far more likely to ruin it for everyone else than anything Queen is ever likely to do.
(The preceding was altered, nearly word for word, from two articles which appear on The Transformers Wiki, and is presented as satire, with the goals of taking the piss out of some people and making the rest of us laugh)