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lifetimefanofqueen user not visiting Queenzone.com
lifetimefanofqueen
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Posted: 25 Aug 10, 17:04 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I've been a bit down lately, can someone try and cheer me up if u know any good jokes please?

Freya is quietly judging you. user not visiting Queenzone.com
Meh.
Freya is quietly judging you.
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Posted: 25 Aug 10, 19:04 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Why does Queenzone attract idiots nowadays.

Bah.

Goodolddaysgrumblegrumble.

Gregsynth user not visiting Queenzone.com
Queen fan since 2005
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Posted: 25 Aug 10, 19:37 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

lifetimefanofqueen wrote: I've been a bit down lately, can someone try and cheer me up if u know any good jokes please?
===============

My neighbor has a circular driveway--he can't get out.


I always knew I was a star And now, the rest of the world seems to agree with me-Freddie Mercury
catqueen user not visiting Queenzone.com
:)

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Posted: 25 Aug 10, 19:54 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

a piece of string went into a bar and said 'barman, pour me a drink.'  The barman said... 'im sorry, i cant, ur a piece of string... i cant serve string.'  So the string went outside, wriggled around, tied himself up, and skuffed his feet on the ground.  he went back in to the bar and again said 'barman, poour me a drink.'  Again the barman said 'im sorry, i cant serve a piece of string.  pls leave the bar'  the string said ...
"what??? im a frayed knot!'

The Real Wizard user not visiting Queenzone.com
The Real Wizard
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Posted: 25 Aug 10, 21:44 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Watch Gilbert Gottfried, George Carlin, and Mitch Hedberg clips on youtube.  That should do it.


"The more generous you are with your music, the more it comes back to you." -- Dan Lampinski



http://www.queenlive.ca
GratefulFan user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 25 Aug 10, 22:10 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

A snail crawls up over the lip of a bar on New Year's Eve and orders a beer.  The proprietor says "We don't serve snails...get outta here!", and flicks him off the bar and sends him soaring out the door. 

Comes around to New Year's Eve again the following year, and the place is hopping.  The same snail pulls himself up over the bar, stares down the proprietor and says...."What'd you do that for?!".





 Thank you. Thank you very much.


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Posted: 25 Aug 10, 22:43 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Somebody told me this joke and said he got it from the internet:

A man dropped his axe while crossing a river.  He sat on the bank and cried.  A genie surfaced from the river and asked him what's his problem.
After learning the problem, the genie went into the river and brought up a golden axe and asked the man "Is this your axe ?".  The man replied no.
The genie went down again and brought up a silver axe and again the man answered no.
The genie went down again and this time found the man's axe.  The man said "Yes".
The genie said that since the man was so honest, he gave both the gold and silver axes to him.

The man crossed the river again this time with his wife.  The wife fell into the river.  The man sat on the bank and cried.  The genie appeared and asked him what's his problem. 
After learning the problem, the genie went into the river and brought up Miss Universe USA and asked the man whether she is the wife.

The man said "Yes".  The genie replied "You're a liar".  The man replied: "Well the last time I was honest, I ended up with 3 axes.  Now I cannot afford to have 3 wives."

Is anyone laughing ?

GratefulFan user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 26 Aug 10, 00:02 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

A couple of buddies are out on the golf course enjoying the day.  One guy, Tom,  pulls out a cigar and his friend, Bill, quickly pulls out a huge foot long lighter to light it up.

"Whoa! That's a huge lighter! Where did you get that?" Tom asks.

"Oh god.  This genie gave it to me.  I don't even want to talk about it." Bill replies. 

Just then, a very old, very wizened genie pops out of thin air.

"Oh hell, here we go", says the owner of the huge lighter, rolling his eyes.

"May I grant you a wish?", the genie asks a surprised Tom.

"Don't go there. I'm telling you",  Bill warns.

"Why not?" he says to Bill, and "I can have anything I want?" Tom asks the genie.

The genie says "Pardon, sonny?", and Tom repeats his question excitedly.

"Yes, anything you want!" says the old genie.

"Okay!  I want a million bucks!!" says Tom, over the moon.

"Your wish is my command!" cries the genie, and with a poof he is gone.

From the south comes the sudden and mistakable quacking of a massive influx of ducks, and soon they're swarming the men and the course, cacophony, feathers and poop everywhere.

"What's going on??! shouts Tom over the din "I did't ask for a million ducks!!!"

Bill holds up his massive lighter and yells "I warned you.  Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch Bic??"

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Posted: 26 Aug 10, 00:14 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I am sure some of you may have heard of this before.  It is a lesson on being precise in what you ask for.

A man asked a genie for his manhood to be so long that it could touch the floor.  The genie said "No problem" and promptly cut off the man's legs.

Aaargh !

lifetimefanofqueen user not visiting Queenzone.com
lifetimefanofqueen
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Posted: 26 Aug 10, 14:01 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

LOLOLOLOL XD        
i love you guys  <3 <3 < 3 <3

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Posted: 26 Aug 10, 21:16 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Freya is quietly judging you. wrote: Why does Queenzone attract idiots nowadays.

Bah.

Goodolddaysgrumblegrumble.

Agreed.


Meep!!!
StoneColdClassicQueen user not visiting Queenzone.com
I need a haircut.
StoneColdClassicQueen
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Posted: 27 Aug 10, 00:07 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

California's economy.


"When you make love to someone, use a condom."-Brian May

______________________________________

Paul Rodgers is Chuck Norris.
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Posted: 27 Aug 10, 00:52 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Freya is quietly judging you. wrote: Why does Queenzone attract idiots nowadays.

Bah.

Goodolddaysgrumblegrumble.

Best. Response. Ever.   : )


I saved Spike's life in 'Nam.
Sergei. user not visiting Queenzone.com
Impresario, still
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Posted: 27 Aug 10, 09:35 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Knock it off.


Back whenever
Sergei. user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 27 Aug 10, 09:36 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

omg guise dubble post


Back whenever
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Posted: 27 Aug 10, 12:39 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

What do mice  take with them on a picnic?..............................A Thermouse flask.

Which day of the week is a mouse's favourite?.................................Chewsday.

Immagine a cartoon with a husband rat and wife rat and they're on a desert island with their suitcase, a ship sailing away into the distance. The wife rat says to the husband rat, "No, dear, I said we'll have to HAVE dessert after tea!"

There's plenty more where that came from.............unfortunately.

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Posted: 27 Aug 10, 17:53 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Paddy gets a new job as a delivery driver, one day he goes into work and gets a delivery of 10 monkeys to go to the zoo,

on his way to the zoo his van breaks down at the side of the road, he called the AA who say they will be there in an hour.

as he's stood at the side of the road he sees murphy going past in his car

He flags murphy down and says "my vans broke down mate can you do me a
favour and take these monkeys to the zoo, i'll give you £50"

murphy says yes and drives off

45 mins later paddy sees murphy come round the corner with all the monkeys still in the car,

"i told you to take them to the zoo"! said paddy,

Murphy says "i did but iv still got £20 left so im taking them to the pictures"!

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Be Gentle, I'm a newbie: 5 posts
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Posted: 28 Aug 10, 06:07 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Watch some early Queen vids - always makes me feel good.

thomasquinn 32989 user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 28 Aug 10, 06:07 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Sir GH wrote: Watch Gilbert Gottfried, George Carlin, and Mitch Hedberg clips on youtube.  That should do it.
===

Or Treasure Moment performances. As far as absurd comedy goes, there's nothing quite like it.


Not Plutus but Apollo rules Parnassus

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Posted: 28 Aug 10, 06:33 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Feeling down? Climb the freakin' mountain, baby!


John: "It's the one thing I wish I could do - sing."