Forums > Personal > is it right to smack kids?

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lifetimefanofqueen user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 09 Aug 11, 14:31 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

i think yes, just as long as you dont smack to the point you leave a massive mark

as many other people, i was also smacked when i was a kid, and it would put me in my place, and thats good because children NEED disaplin. from child behavier it dosent take an expert to see that its got worse as the years go on. children think they can get away with everything because the laws are changing to the worst. no im not a monster for thinking this. if a parent smacks a child and leaves a mark, obviously thats bad and i dont support that. but people say hitting a child makes the child violent, i think this only happens depnding on how bad you hit them and WHEN you hit them, if you give a warning first then they KNOW their doing somthing bad but if you do it randomly, they dont understand and they think its normal. basically i think warnings should always be given

well. thats my opinion, i support it so long as it dosent leave a mark and that the child understands why their being smacked and they know they've done somthing wrong

P.S dont leave shitty comments cus no ones laughin this is serious and if u dont like that get off and dont comment

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Posted: 09 Aug 11, 16:34 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

You can seriously hurt someone without leaving a mark, although i know what you meant by that.  I think discipline should ideally be non-punitive (not 'punishment') altho sometimes this is clearly needed.  For instance, if  a child is fascinated by something dangerous, like a fire, then a sharp smack might help them associate it with pain, and is better then letting them get burned.  But in general, i think you can do a lot with positive discipline, like star charts, being careful how you use language, using rewards and consequences rather then smacking.  Also, from what i have seen, parents tend to use smacking as almost a form of discipline without thought -- its just you annoy me so BAM.  And i think discipline is an important issue and should be carried out with a purpose and with consistency.   And if you are consistent, there is less need for smacking.  Also so often people dont seem to think about the message the child is getting, eg: child has tantrum and starts screaming and shouting, and the parent shouts back at them, or child hits someone and parent hits the child.  All that does is teach the child that shouting and hitting are ok.

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Posted: 09 Aug 11, 16:37 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

*oh, also, i think its important to think about if smacking/shouting/whatever worked when you were a child.  Did it just make u angrier, did it actually help u see that what u were doing was wrong or just that u shouldnt get caught?  I know i was smacked as a child, and sometimes, when i was v small, im sure it did help, but i remember being smacked as an older child, and whatever i had done had only been misunderstood, so it wasnt a 'real' bad behaviour, or it was just purely from an adults temper, and that really didnt help me. 
And i know that still when someone shouts at me, i hate it and will not listen to what they are saying.  And i assume that many children would also be that way -- they will comply to make the shouting go away, but it doesnt actually help them understand what was wrong.

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Posted: 09 Aug 11, 17:05 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

knock em out..the little fuckers.....(only joking)
my son is now 22 and we never raised a hand to him....coming from an irish catholic background i know well how it feels to be "punished" by "God's way".....so we agreed that was not the way to treat our son...
and guess what? surprise surprise...he'd grown up well adjusted and sensible and has loads of friends, enjoys life and doesn't behave like a thug


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Posted: 09 Aug 11, 17:37 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I think to a degree it is.. I mean, it happened to me and every one else I know.

Yet look at the touchy touchy types who say its not right..

Go hug a fucking tree


...
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Posted: 09 Aug 11, 19:15 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I only ever smack my kids in self defence.

fatty.

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Posted: 09 Aug 11, 20:08 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Technically, it's alright to smack a child on the hand or their bum, because they feel pain, which they would associate with something wrong no doubt, but it's only temporary pain, it doesn't leave physical or emotional damage..what I mean by emotional is their reaction to it in the future, a child who gets a smack on the hand for doing something wrong isn't going to remember the slap by the next day; a child who gets battered around and beaten to a pulp for no reason from one or both of their parents, well.......

Im not a massive fan of corporal punishment, however, I do think it's a necessary part of discipline, it should only be used as a last resort, and not while you're in a temper yourself. I actually agree with an awful lot of Catqueen's views, but it shouldn't be ruled out, my parents slapped me and I turned out fine, in fact, happy. Im happy they slapped me, because it gave me a lot of cop-on when I was throwing tantrums and such like. Giving out to me, banning me from playing the Nintendo, threatening to get the wooden spoon on you ( haha, anybody else ever get that threat growing up?) etc.. rarely ever worked, i mean, I would push the boundaries and see how much I could get away with. But the slap always stopped me in my tracks, it's the only universal thing you recognise as a child that means you're doing something wrong.

I could go on all night, but I'm sure I'm already boring people to death, so i'll just conclude by same, 'Yes,I'm pro-slapping, but only at the right time and place'.


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Posted: 09 Aug 11, 21:04 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

lifetimefanofqueen wrote: i think yes, just as long as you dont smack to the point you leave a massive mark

as many other people, i was also smacked when i was a kid, and it would put me in my place, and thats good because children NEED disaplin. from child behavier it dosent take an expert to see that its got worse as the years go on. children think they can get away with everything because the laws are changing to the worst. no im not a monster for thinking this. if a parent smacks a child and leaves a mark, obviously thats bad and i dont support that. but people say hitting a child makes the child violent, i think this only happens depnding on how bad you hit them and WHEN you hit them, if you give a warning first then they KNOW their doing somthing bad but if you do it randomly, they dont understand and they think its normal. basically i think warnings should always be given

well. thats my opinion, i support it so long as it dosent leave a mark and that the child understands why their being smacked and they know they've done somthing wrong

P.S dont leave shitty comments cus no ones laughin this is serious and if u dont like that get off and dont comment
Yes. It is ok especially if there is anarchy in the UK and the kids are looting.


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Posted: 09 Aug 11, 21:28 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

-fatty- wrote: I only ever smack my kids in self defence.

fatty. =============================================================================================

lol


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Posted: 09 Aug 11, 21:29 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

catqueen wrote: eg: child has tantrum and starts screaming and shouting, and the parent shouts back at them, or child hits someone and parent hits the child.  All that does is teach the child that shouting and hitting are ok.

=======================
aye exactly, its almost an incoragment

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Posted: 09 Aug 11, 23:39 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Panchgani wrote: lifetimefanofqueen wrote: i think yes, just as long as you dont smack to the point you leave a massive mark

as many other people, i was also smacked when i was a kid, and it would put me in my place, and thats good because children NEED disaplin. from child behavier it dosent take an expert to see that its got worse as the years go on. children think they can get away with everything because the laws are changing to the worst. no im not a monster for thinking this. if a parent smacks a child and leaves a mark, obviously thats bad and i dont support that. but people say hitting a child makes the child violent, i think this only happens depnding on how bad you hit them and WHEN you hit them, if you give a warning first then they KNOW their doing somthing bad but if you do it randomly, they dont understand and they think its normal. basically i think warnings should always be given

well. thats my opinion, i support it so long as it dosent leave a mark and that the child understands why their being smacked and they know they've done somthing wrong

P.S dont leave shitty comments cus no ones laughin this is serious and if u dont like that get off and dont comment  

-----------------------------------------

Yes. It is ok especially if there is anarchy in the UK and the kids are looting.


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Posted: 09 Aug 11, 23:50 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

If smacking kids is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

Ha ha.  I think catqueen hit it when she said that it's usually out of adult anger, which is where the problem lies.  Short of imminent danger, there are few situations where something wouldn't have been preferable to yelling or hitting.  It's often a power play when a parent is at the end of his or her rope, feeling like control has been lost and fresh out of good ideas.  It has a limited shelf life because eventually those smaller beings get bigger and louder themselves.  Kids are often being taught less about natural consequences and more about lousy ways to deal with anger and frustration.  That said, being a parent can be excruciatingly difficult and entirely confidence sapping.   Sometimes it just boils down to being better the next time.

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Posted: 10 Aug 11, 01:02 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

There are a few on this forum that need a bit of a pummeling.


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Posted: 10 Aug 11, 03:13 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Zebonka12 wrote: There are a few on this forum that need a bit of a pummeling.

reply:
and london,birmingham,liverpool,salford,bristol,wolverhampton,west bromwich..etc


isnt innuendo an italian suppository?

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joxer replies: but in a nice way :-]

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Posted: 10 Aug 11, 04:29 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

It's okay to hit other people's kids, especially if they won;t shut up while you;re trying to watch Super 8.

har har.

And now the serious answer.

Once you hit your kid as a punishment you have nowhere to go next time except to hit harder. Not to be encouraged.


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Posted: 10 Aug 11, 04:59 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

When I was a kid, my parents decided to use the smack method. :)

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Posted: 10 Aug 11, 05:11 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Yes, it's right to smack kids, because they're way too annoying. But don't even think to smack them when they behave good, simply because their parents will cut your head off.


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Posted: 10 Aug 11, 05:40 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Djdownsy wrote: Technically, it's alright to smack a child on the hand or their bum, because they feel pain, which they would associate with something wrong no doubt, but it's only temporary pain, it doesn't leave physical or emotional damage..what I mean by emotional is their reaction to it in the future, a child who gets a smack on the hand for doing something wrong isn't going to remember the slap by the next day; a child who gets battered around and beaten to a pulp for no reason from one or both of their parents, well.......

Did you mean alright or legal?  Technically in Ireland you can have 'reasonable' discipline (can't remember the exact words).  That's normally interpreted as its ok to smack a little.  So technically, the general benchmark is if it leaves a mark (which i have huge problems with, cos u can do a LOT of damage without leaving a mark.  I have a friend who used to work in this residential place in another country and they used to pinch the kids nails cos they weren't allowed to leave marks, but that can do huge damage to the person's nailbed.  Also, its pretty much impossible to quantify emotional harm in a court unless there has been massive abuse.)  I think you can smack a child inappropriately on the hand/bum, esp if they are older - like over toddler age. 
Its a hard one to call cos it really depends on the circumstances and context of the smack.  I probably would smack my child if i ever have kids, and obviously the social 'normal' way here is hand/bum but i think smacking would be the exception rather then a regular occurrence.  Having said that, i know kids can be incredibly annoying and i am but human.  :/

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Posted: 10 Aug 11, 20:42 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

catqueen wrote:

Did you mean alright or legal?  Technically in Ireland you can have 'reasonable' discipline (can't remember the exact words).  That's normally interpreted as its ok to smack a little.  So technically, the general benchmark is if it leaves a mark (which i have huge problems with, cos u can do a LOT of damage without leaving a mark.  I have a friend who used to work in this residential place in another country and they used to pinch the kids nails cos they weren't allowed to leave marks, but that can do huge damage to the person's nailbed.  Also, its pretty much impossible to quantify emotional harm in a court unless there has been massive abuse.)  I think you can smack a child inappropriately on the hand/bum, esp if they are older - like over toddler age. 
Its a hard one to call cos it really depends on the circumstances and context of the smack.  I probably would smack my child if i ever have kids, and obviously the social 'normal' way here is hand/bum but i think smacking would be the exception rather then a regular occurrence.  Having said that, i know kids can be incredibly annoying and i am but human.  :/
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Currently, it is not illegal to smack your child in Ireland, a fact just one third of participants in the study were aware of. Some 42pc felt it should be made illegal while 34pc felt it should remain legal. A further 24pc felt that whether it was made illegal or not should depend on the age of the child. And of the 1,353 parents who were interviewed for the parents’ section of the two studies, 25pc of them admitted to having smacked their children over the past 12 months.

25pc of parents say they have smacked their child in the past 12 months

Most of these parents said that they smacked their child on the bottom, hand or leg

67pc believe there is no harm in giving a child an occasional smack

42pc of parents feel smacking should be banned

48pc of parents have shouted, yelled or swore at a child in the past year

3pc said they shook, grabbed or pushed a child in the past year, either occasionally (1.3pc) or often (1.4pc)

One third of parents reported being hit with a slipper or a similar  instrument during childhoods, while their own almost a
quarter smacked or slapped had been on the face, head or ears

64.6pc of parents believe smacking is not necessary to bring  up a well-behaved child

Almost 60pc believe parents should have the right to smack their children  if they so wish

51.7pc of parents thought smacking was a good reason for stopping a child from doing something dangerous

58pc of parents did not believe smacking was effective in achieving long-term discipline goals

----
Well there's your answer Mel, it ain't illegal in this country, you have to admit, the occasional smack isn't much compared to swearing at your child, or even worse, shaking or slapping a child on the face. Some of that is disgraceful to be honest. It just depends of your method for lapping the child, personally, I would only use it as a very last resort, and I defo wont swear at them or put them down emotionally, I'm still shocked at some of those stats.


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Posted: 11 Aug 11, 02:54 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I think it is totally wrong and inexcusable to hit a child. Wrong to hit a child in anger and wrong to hit a child in cold blood in order to "discipline" them. Luckily, it is now illegal in most European countries for parents to beat their children. For those who are so in favour of hitting children: what exactly are you trying to teach them? That you can be hurt when you "annoy" someone bigger than you and it is therefore better to shut up and surrender to big bullies? Or are you teaching them that violence is the best and fastest method to solve a conflict? The sheer idea that a defenseless child is not safe from abuse by their own parents in their own homes is just sickening. The excuse that children who are not beaten by their parents will grow up to become drug addicts and school dropouts is just a lie and disproven in many studies. Calling it "smacking" and "spanking" instead of hitting and beating is just a attempt to make it sound less harmful. A child has the same right to live unharmed as any adult.

Not all adults who were beaten as kids grow up to become child abusers but ALL child abusers were beaten as a child themselves.


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