Forums > Queen - General Discussion > The Doctor is IN!

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GratefulFan user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 01 Mar 12, 12:33 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I feel so dumb!  As an Adam Lambert SuperAntiFan, at first I just thought people with different life experiences and different musical influences and different things that move them just hear and see something other than I do when I absorb a Lambert performance.  At my most obnoxious moments I might have secretly (mostly) thought to myself  "Man these people have some lame taste in singers!".  But mostly I chalked it up to the kind of variety that makes life a richer experience, if not one always easy to comprehend. But then I said to myself, GratefulFan, you are thinking way too small. Look at all these nice people who have been so generous with their sophisticated diagnoses.  They've identified haters, whiners, the wildly entitled, the self important, the close minded, control freaks,  the pathologically negative, complainers - about something - anything!, chronic pessimists, and today - those all trembley around change.  I think that one was my favourite.  It was definitely the one that finally snapped me out of these earthbound notions of 'different taste in music'  and propelled me to start this thread where I intend - starting right now - to shed my selfish shirking of a clear duty  as an internet peer and friend to help you figure out what is wrong with you if you're  content with the Adam Lambert collaboration.  I'm only sorry it's taken me this long.  Please forgive me. :)

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Posted: 01 Mar 12, 12:35 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

1.  You are suffering from Separation Anxiety.  You have come to doubt your mother's story that leaving you at the park alone every Friday for a year when you were four with a sign around your neck that said "Take Me" was "just for fun" and she was "behind a tree the whole time".  You have transferred this anxiety to your Queen fandom, and any acceptance that Queen might have just stepped in it big time raises a stabbing internalized doubt about whether Queen will love you back if you think anything mean about them.

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Posted: 01 Mar 12, 12:40 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

2. Sometimes it's physiological. You may have a diverticulated cabaret, which is like a cleft palate but totally invisible and in an entirely different place.  It causes you to experience opioid like highs around anything that sounds or looks like Liza Minnelli.  Sometimes it resolves on it's own.  If this is you, good luck!  I mean that from the heart.

waunakonor user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 01 Mar 12, 14:17 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Interesting...I've said before that I really don't mind Adam Lambert being Queen's frontman, but still, some interesting thoughts...

Do we all owe you five cents now or something?


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They've flown in the swiftness of time.
GratefulFan user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 01 Mar 12, 15:04 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

No!  Don't send me money.  I'm a total amateur and don't actually know what I'm talking about.

3. A painful lack of adult intimacy.  An unconscious mechanism of self love that runs something like "I am constantly fu#%ing myself.  Queen may be fu#%ing themselves. If Queen gets lucky and Adam doesn't sing like an overwrought rutting goat, maybe I will too.  I really want to get lucky. :(  Team Adam!

4. An overexposure to French House music, primarily though not exclusively affecting Europeans.  Alters brain chemistry and causes involutary Tourette's like outbursts about the Guetta life.

5. Fear of sleeping through The Rapture.  A repressed certainty that one in fact might be going to Hell.  Colloquially referred to as "All Red Syndrome" in the psychiatric community for the colour's association with eternal doom.  Embracing Lambert is the first step in accepting that the entertainment in Hell is going to suck.

6. The Rose-Coloured Glasses Effect/Transference.  You used to date a girl named Carey Oakey and you've forgotten what a horrible bitch she actually was.  And you now think you actually love Carey Oakey.  Cognitive-Behavioural therapy is considered best practice.

waunakonor user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 01 Mar 12, 15:16 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

She's hardly a professional either, and she gets money :)

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These are the days of our lives

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malicedoom user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 01 Mar 12, 15:48 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Nicely done.


"I'd love to go down and see my pictures."
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Posted: 01 Mar 12, 18:52 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

7.  The Black Hole of Multiple Assessments.  This affects the most unrelenting Lambert supporters who eventually have their endless diagnoses summarily ignored.  This is referred to as the Assess-Hole or Ass-Hole effect.  This is one of the more fixed presentations and the general rule is that the bigger the Ass-Hole the more likely it is to be a chronic condition.  Sorry. :(  Wish I had a cheerier prognosis.

8.  The '24' Delusion.  A diagnostic mystery for the first half of the 2000's, this delusion centres around a rigid belief system that the TV series '24' only streams to your house and that Keifer Sutherland is your own personal Ninja.  The result is the intrusive and repetitive thought "You don't know Jack".   Often co-morbid with the Ass-Hole effect.  Nobody really knows why.  But hang in there, k?  (( Hugs )).

9.  Jungle Fever.  First documented in the late 19th century on the Indian subcontinent and greatly expanded by Per Vert, little known Franco-Nordic assistant to Sigmund Freud.  It first affected Asian pachyderm before it jumped to humans, and the native word for the condition roughly translated to psycho-phant.  Longitudinal studies are currently underway to determine if the observed correlation with having your picture taken with Brian May has any scientific basis.

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Posted: 02 Mar 12, 06:02 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

You are so far your own bum you can see out your mouth but I like you, you funny.

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Posted: 02 Mar 12, 08:20 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Thank you nurse! I will honour you in my next and likely last diagnoses until further relevant medical literature comes to light. Which with this crew on QZ could happen any time.

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Posted: 02 Mar 12, 08:24 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

10. Your head is so far up your own ass you can see out your mouth.  This compromising anatomical situation was made infamous with the 1994 death of Brazilian race car driver Ayrton Senna, who died while driving in the position in Imola, Italy.  The coroner, Gianni Fuch, determined that swelling from recent dental work caused Senna to see the second curve too late. Fuch was personally devastated by the unnecessary nature of Senna's death and has made it a life mission to spread awareness about the dangers of the position. Among other things, it greatly impairs hearing, so upon remedy all previous audio impressions should be reevaluated. So for Fuch's sake, get your head out of your ass and listen to Adam Lambert again.

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Posted: 02 Mar 12, 08:42 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

GratefulFan wrote:
and don't actually know what I'm talking about.


I've known this about you for quite some time.

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Posted: 02 Mar 12, 10:45 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote



Michael Allred wrote:
GratefulFan wrote:
and don't actually know what I'm talking about.


I've known this about you for quite some time.


Wow you've gone from someone trying to shut down any conversation he doesn't like, to just trolling after Grateful Fan and hurling insults. Sad.


"With a population of 1.75 million, Northern Ireland should really be a footballing minnow. Instead, they could be better described as the piranhas of the international game" (FIFA.com)
Senna user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 02 Mar 12, 14:09 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Ha. I like your style!

waunakonor user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 02 Mar 12, 15:05 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

GratefulFan wrote:
10. Your head is so far up your own ass you can see out your mouth.  This compromising anatomical situation was made infamous with the 1994 death of Brazilian race car driver Ayrton Senna, who died while driving in the position in Imola, Italy.  The coroner, Gianni Fuch, determined that swelling from recent dental work caused Senna to see the second curve too late. Fuch was personally devastated by the unnecessary nature of Senna's death and has made it a life mission to spread awareness about the dangers of the position. Among other things, it greatly impairs hearing, so upon remedy all previous audio impressions should be reevaluated. So for Fuch's sake, get your head out of your ass and listen to Adam Lambert again.

Thanks for the information! I've been reading the posts on this site looking through my own mouth for a while; I had no idea of the dangers of it! You may have saved my life! I think you deserve five cents for that.

Do you take checks?



These are the days of our lives

They've flown in the swiftness of time.
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Posted: 02 Mar 12, 16:43 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Oh I really couldn't waunakonor. But I'm glad to have helped! Please send it to my favourite charity:

"Get Our Adam Back to Broadway Where he Belongs"
8899 Broken Crystal Avenue
Beverly Hills, CA
90210
USA


Michael Allred user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 02 Mar 12, 16:57 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Holly2003 wrote:
Michael Allred wrote:
GratefulFan wrote:and don't actually know what I'm talking about.
I've known this about you for quite some time.
Wow you've gone from someone trying to shut down any conversation he doesn't like, to just trolling after Grateful Fan and hurling insults. Sad.


First, fuck you cunt.

Second, I'm trolling all of a sudden? I'm hurling insults? Oh! I'm the ONLY one doing that, gotcha. This is all occuring in a vacuum.

You are fucking delusional.

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Posted: 02 Mar 12, 16:59 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

GratefulFan wrote:
Oh I really couldn't waunakonor. But I'm glad to have helped! Please send it to my favourite charity:
"Get Our Adam Back to Broadway Where he Belongs"
8899 Broken Crystal Avenue
Beverly Hills, CA
90210
USA


I hope Lambert joins permanently. Maybe that announcement will make you jump off the highest building near you. No seriously.

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Posted: 02 Mar 12, 17:11 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Seriously folks I think grateful fans posts are firmly tongue in cheek and not meant to cause offence like my first post reply if you want in the spirit they were meant and don't get so worked up. That'll be 5 cents please.

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Posted: 02 Mar 12, 17:11 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Seriously folks I think grateful fans posts are firmly tongue in cheek and not meant to cause offence like my first post reply if you want in the spirit they were meant and don't get so worked up. That'll be 5 cents please.