Terry Wogan: My next guest has been described as a fat cunt, a convicted sex offender and a habitual drug abuser. For the past four years he has been trawling around various Queen internet message boards and ripping off other peoples material which he has passed off as his own. He's just been inducted into the Queenzone Hall of Fame and coincidently released a greatest hits thread of his own.
Ladies and gentlemen please put your contempt to one side for a second and welcome Fatty.
Fatty: Thank you Terry.
Terry: Well fatty, how does it feel to be inducted into the Queenzone Hall of Fame?
Fatty: It's such an honour Terry, it really is and if I could just thank Flashman for his support and faith in nominating me.
Terry: And will you be rewarding his efforts?
Fatty: Yes, I have destroyed the negatives as promised.
Terry: Now for the benefit of newbies, you caused a bit of a stir with your very fist posting on the old official Queen bulletin board. What was it you posted way back in 1999?
Fatty: It was just an innocent little joke.
Terry: Would you care to remind us of that joke?
Fatty: I'm not sure I remember it.
Terry: I have it here.
Fatty: Aw fuck.
Terry: It was "What's pink, fluffy and covered in dust?"
Fatty (twidles thumbs and moves awkwardly in his seat)
Terry: Can you remember the punchline?
Terry: And would you like to deliver that punchline for us?
Fatty: er..it was...er...um...Freddie's slippers.
Terry: Freddie's slippers?
Terry: Hmmmmm. You didn't think that joke was in poor taste at all?
Fatty: I thought Queen fans had a sense of humour
Terry: But before you registered on the bulletin board you had visited the fan club chatroom on a number of occasions hadn't you?
Fatty: A couple of times yes.
Terry: So after two seperate visits to the fan club chatroom you still laboured under the impression that Queen fans had a sense of humour.
Fatty: Listen Terry, this is getting a bit heavy isn't it. I thought this was supposed to be a light hearted interview about what a great guy I am.
Terry: I'm sorry fatboy but anyone who visited the fan club chatroom and thought they had a sense of humour is either a liar or a fucking imbecile.
Fatty: Ok terry, you've made your point now let's try and keep this friendly eh?
Terry: Moving swiftly along, you made quite an impression on the old fan club board didn't you?
Fatty: I like to think so.
Terry: Tell us about the e-mail you received from Jacky
Fatty: Look just drop it will you?
Terry: You teamed up with another Queen fan on the old board and the pair of you were a right old double act weren't you?
Fatty: Yeah, Holly and I had some great laughs and we were a kind of double act for a while.
Terry: Fatty and Holly eh? a bit like Morcambe and Wise.
Fatty: Well I don't know if we were in their league but that kind of thing yeah.
Terry: Like Reeves and Mortimer?
Terry: Or Hindley and Brady?
Terry: Tell us what inspires you to write these stories
Fatty: Well what I normally do is think of a situation involving members of Queen or in some cases the fans who use the message boards. I then put them into a situation that brings out their sterotypical personalities. I write out a brief synopsis, go back over it a couple of times and when I come to the awful realisation that there is nothing funny about it whatsoever, I get hold of an old copy of Viz or Private Eye and rip it off word for word.
Terry: So if the truth be told, you haven't a creative bone in your body
Fatty: Not one.
Terry: Over the years you made a few enemies on Queenzone
Fatty: I may have disagreed with people from time to time but I wouldn't go so far as to call them enemies. In fact I remember when the Queen Mother shuffled off her mortal coil. I posted a reply to a thread from my good pal Bob in which I stated that I would like to dance on the