Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a Beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly,
"Good choice; the clothes wouldn't have fit anyway."
*** Lesson: Don't bother to drop even the most obvious hint, they can't catch anyway.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
*** Lesson: There is no philosophy to talk about but calculations and calculations...
Comprehending Engineers -Take Three
A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude". The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him." "Hi John. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren’t they?" The green keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. Then the pastor said, "That's so sad I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said Good idea. And I'm going to contact myophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer, after much thought said, "Why can’t these guys play at night?"
*** Lesson: No emotions please, only practicality works here.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Four
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.
*** Lesson: They build and build and build and build and. to compliment one another.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Five
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
**** Lesson: All of them have their own theories. None for believing!
Comprehending Engineers -Take Six
Normal people believe that if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet."
*** Lesson: They are complicated and twisted.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Seven
An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with a wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Yeah," replied the engineer. "If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
*** Lesson: Gals NEVER fall for an engineer!
Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
Socialism - Let me tell you how it will be
There's one for you, nineteen for me
Should five per cent appear too small
Be thankful I don't take it all