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Flashman user not visiting Queenzone.com
Flashman
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Posted: 12 Jul 04, 15:21 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Yesterday, the bloody council sent a female representative to assess the Reform Club's 'Men Only' ruling, which has been in place since the old King was on the throne. It is my view that gentleman should be entitled to have such an oasis from the fairer sex – an escape from the tawdry gossip about bikini lines, leg waxing, shopping and hairstyles. Proper chaps have no interest in such gammon and need some quality time making ridiculous wagers or getting into fights.

Notices had been sent by the committee in advance to all patrons, warning us of said visit and requesting we were to be on our best behaviour. Suffice to say the staff's faces dropped somewhat when yours truly rolled up demanding to know what in blazes she was about and damning her for an old boot and probable native of Lesbos.

“Mr. Flashman” she squeaked in snooty fashion, “ it is precisely this kind of archaic and sexist behaviour that this council is determined to stamp out once and for all.”
“You ain’t seen nothing yet, toots” growled I, slapping her rump for good measure.

Now most ladies usually go a bright pink at this manoeuvre and in no time at all I have them in the Half Flashman (one hand cupping tit, t’other round the waist) and talk of a gallop round the Towers is usually next on the agenda.

But this mare was a backward sort, and clearly hadn’t sampled proper manflesh since the last millennia, and paused only to harrumph loudly before threatening to call the police.

Now, Gentle Reader, you know better than most that ol’ Flash just doesn’t know when he’s beat when it comes to the skirt game – indeed I consider myself a Grandmaster of the art. But this filly would clearly prove a tricky mount.
She wasn’t a bad bit of fluff behind all that beige, and I reckon once she was oiled sufficiently I’d have her saddled up and jumping over the fences like a thoroughbred, or die trying.

Offering her a drink by way of apology, and spouting some absolute guff about how sorry I was for my misconduct and how I’d benefit from a lesson or two in ‘how to approach today’s laissez-faire attitude to sexual equality in non-interventionist society' (the things I say when I’m sniffing out a likely trot!) her silly little face lit up and she said she’d be only too happy to offer a few pointers and thus enlighten a repressed mind.
We’ll see, thought I.

Tipping Happy Larry behind the bar the wink to make it a large one, I hung on to her every word as she informed me of the council’s vision of a unified and fair society, showing no sign of glazing over as I’m liable to do whilst listening to such twaddle, and gave her the patented puppy dog eye look that melts even the iciest of hearts. Ensuring that Larry kept the ‘mineral waters’ coming, she was soon in no fit state to drive anywhere, so I took the liberty of phoning her work to explain that she had been taken ill and wouldn’t be able to return that day, for which she was eternally grateful.

She demonstrated her gratitude fully a little later, when after popping her in the back of the Bentley and pootling back to the Towers she proved rather fond of my bedsport prowess as I gave her my version of sexual equality, Flashman style.

Whilst she was sleeping off the after effects of a two hour tumble, I took the liberty of rifling through her handbag, finding a photograph of her with her husband (poor sap), and thus gaining the blackmail material I needed to ensure that dotty little mares like her are kept well away from the Reform Club, playing no part in our male-bonding and ‘light your own fart’ competitions, that are the unheralded backbones of modern civilization.

Result!



FLASHMAN STRIKES AGAIN!



Paul Rodgers is not the best thing since fried Fred.
Lisser user not visiting Queenzone.com
Lisser
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Posted: 12 Jul 04, 15:26 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

OHHH you are evil!! Plain evil!!

Good on ya though.

;)


Wo ist das kamerahhhhhhhhhhh!!!



NJ!!!























Sir Archie 'Tiffany' Leach user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 12 Jul 04, 17:47 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Flashman you old blackguard!

You've once again singlehandedly saved old Archie from having to take down the 'gentlemen only' notice to the games room.

I can confirm that is not sexist at all, not in the slightest.

By the way you owe me a pint.


Nancy Astor : "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee".

Winston Churchill : "And if I were your husband I would drink it".
Deaky's Middle Nut user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 12 Jul 04, 18:06 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Nothing quite as satisfying as the old two hour tumble, eh???


I came, I saw, I came in my bloomers....
Sir Archie 'Tiffany' Leach user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 12 Jul 04, 18:12 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Did you get her to do the Reform Club dishes before she left?


Nancy Astor : "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee".

Winston Churchill : "And if I were your husband I would drink it".
Catgoddess user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 13 Jul 04, 08:41 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Well Flashy, I am as ever impressed by your raw manly sexuality.

My dear friend 'Dave Allbridge' says in a voice of awe 'Good man.'


No synthesisers
SergeantPepperDG user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 13 Jul 04, 09:01 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I actually didn't read the whole thing. I only read the first sentence.


Kay Adams Corleone- The ultimate desperate housewife
iGSM user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 13 Jul 04, 10:57 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Well I propose some form of hat with a large neon sign saying 'I am not sexist'. Then and only then will a King be back on the throne.


...this kettle is boiling over...

...one dump...one turd...two tits...John Deacon...

...one prawn...one shrimp...one clam...one chicken!
Fidel user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 13 Jul 04, 12:43 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

SergeantPepperDG wrote:

I actually didn't read the whole thing. I only read the first sentence.


You didn't miss much. It was the usual mindless drivel that has made Flashman what he is today...The poor pathetic, deluded soul!

Lisser user not visiting Queenzone.com
Lisser
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Posted: 13 Jul 04, 14:39 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Fidel you really need to get off Flashy's jock.

Get a life and leave his alone.


Wo ist das kamerahhhhhhhhhhh!!!



NJ!!!























Flashman user not visiting Queenzone.com
Flashman
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Posted: 14 Jul 04, 03:05 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Not to worry, Lisser - I have decided to ignore the Infidel from now on. For all its talk of my good self having other identities, I have a fair idea who Infidel really is, and the best policy is simply to blank it.

My dear Catgoddess, please inform your good pal Dave Allbridge that a 'Flashy Says "Damn Your Eyes!"' T-shirt is on its way for him, as he is clearly a good egg. But remind him to kindly keep his paws off you, as I do the corrupting around these parts, and I don't want to be handling tainted goods when you finally get round to visiting the Towers.


FLASHMAN STRIKES AGAIN!



Paul Rodgers is not the best thing since fried Fred.
Catgoddess user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 14 Jul 04, 06:52 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I shall pass on your message to Dave. He will be glad to hear it. I do try to resist any advances made towards me for you but it's rather tricky for a girl like me........


No synthesisers
Flashman user not visiting Queenzone.com
Flashman
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Posted: 15 Jul 04, 02:44 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

There ain't many gals like you, Cat.

You're one in a hundred.


FLASHMAN STRIKES AGAIN!



Paul Rodgers is not the best thing since fried Fred.
Catgoddess user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 15 Jul 04, 12:37 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Flattered, I'm sure.


No synthesisers
DaveAllbridge user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 15 Jul 04, 13:05 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

.


Lord Of Letters