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-fatty- 2850 user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 25 Jul 04, 16:42 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I have just returned from one of my frequent trips to the future and I came across a new feature on Queenzone. An obituary section. I realise that not everybody wants to hear about their own deaths as it it can take the fun out of your remaining years (or weeks in Harvey Goldsmith's case) but some of them were really interesting. With that in mind, I have decided to withold the actual dates. I hope you enjoy these.

BOB THE SHREK
Following years of prolonged agony at the hands of a mystery illness which causes ones internal organs to develop large painful boils that burst causing blood poisoning and a truly horrible death, Jake Britt finally died at home on xx/xx/xx with his countless imaginary friends by his side.
Not that anyone cares mind you. The sad news however is that Mr Robert Shrek, upon hearing the news laughed so much that he suffered a severe splitting of the sides and his head fell off.
Mr Shrek leaves behing a big fucking Harley and an almost full pack of fags.

BRANDON
After being bitten by venomous snakes on an almost daily basis for over sixty years, Brandon succumbed to an illness brought on by an allergy to a new type of band aid on xx/xx/xx. Brandon leaves behind four ex-wives, 22 children and a banjo.

FLASHMAN
The entire world was plunged into mourning on xx/xx/xx when officials posted a notice on the gates of the Reform Club that Lord Flashman had passed way peacefully in someone elses bed.
His Royal Majesty King William has ordered that all flags in the country be lowered and a state of mourning lasting no more than seven years will begin on Tuesday. Sir Elton John has been removed form his chryogenic tank to re-write his hit song 'Goodye Yellow Brick Road' in an ever lasting tribute to the late great Flashman. It will be called 'Goodbye You Drunken Old Toad' and will be sold to raise funds for a 700 foot high solid gold statue to be erected in the centre of Hyde Park. The funeral will be a private family affair well away from working class oinks but should young women want to throw themselves off tall biuldings as a sign of grief, that will be acceptable.

FREDDIE VTB
Within 24 hours of releasing a statement in which he revealed that he had been diagnosed as having a slight cold, Freddie VTB passed away surrounded by close friends on 24/11/xx at his home in Holland. His funeral will be held next week and is to be a private ceremony conducted in Parsee and include musical tributes from Montseratte Cabelle and Aretha Franklin. A tribute concert at Wembley Stadium is expected to be announced later in the year although no bugger is expected to turn up for it.

BANQUO
After being killed by the swords of a thousand men on xx/xx/xx, Banquo will be thrown out with the bath water at a ceremony to which all friend and family are invited.

TED SMEGMA
On xx/xx/xx Ted Smegma was killed by a gang of Scottish Rastafarian Queen Fans he caught stealing from his shop. Ted had suffered for years at the hands of these thugs and on several occasions asked for assistance on this very web site. Queenzoners should hang their heads in shame for not waking up and smelling the coffee sooner.

DARK MYUUTWO
Dark passed away on xx/xx/xx after contracting blood poisoning from a paper cut inflicted by a Pokemon card. Dark succesfully sued the makers of Pokemon and won close to one billion dollars in damages. Sadly he spent every last cent on more Pokemon cards and couldn't afford the tube of Germoline that would have no doubt saved his life.

PENETRATION GURU
Years of smoking in dark corners took their toll and Penetration Guru died on xx/xx/xx as a result of lung cancer and vitiman D defficiency.

MISS JAMES
Crushed to death under 4 metric tonnes of birthday cards on xx/xx/xx. Family flowers only.

CHARLES BAER
Ah Yeah.

FATTY
For the eighth time in the past two years, Fatty has faked his death in an attempt to avoid paying a fine he recieved at Edinburgh Sherrif Court for public decency offence

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Posted: 25 Jul 04, 16:58 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

R.I.P.


Total Blam Blam
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Posted: 25 Jul 04, 17:27 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Why did you post this garbage in the Queen section?


Feel free to visit my site - http://www.mercuryparadise.com

(Come into my life, it's a MercuryParadise)
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Posted: 25 Jul 04, 17:29 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

If you're reading this message it means I'm back to mess with your head....

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Posted: 25 Jul 04, 18:30 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

lmfao fatty! your death will mark a sad day in queenzones history indeed. who could ever replace you?!


melinadeacon@queenzone.com
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Posted: 25 Jul 04, 19:28 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Ooh, Fatty, do my obituary!


...Erica*



"I don't judge others. I say if you feel good with what you're doing, let your freak flag fly."

--Sarah Jessica Parker
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Posted: 25 Jul 04, 19:44 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

That is outrageous, Fatty!! Shows incredibly poor taste! You know my Banjo will be buried with me. And probably one of my ex-wives too. I mean, what good is a woman anyway once her husband is gone anyway?

PS: Am I the only one who feels honored when remembered by Fatty? Especially considering I was bitten by the snake ages ago!!

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Posted: 25 Jul 04, 19:49 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Wonderful!! I liked the TED and the Dark ones :)



You've never seen nothing like it, no never in your life. Like going up to heaven and then coming back alive.





http://plengelqueentrader.tripod.com
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Posted: 25 Jul 04, 20:27 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Funny as always fatty. I can't wait to read more (if you have them).


"Elton John and I became really good friends. I don't mean 'good friends' in that sense. I just mean we slept together." -Billy Joel
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Posted: 25 Jul 04, 20:30 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Top rate old fellow

(you really do have too much time on your hands).


Nancy Astor : "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee".

Winston Churchill : "And if I were your husband I would drink it".
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Posted: 26 Jul 04, 01:17 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote




"I'm not afraid to speak out and say the things I want and do the things I want,so um,I think in the end that being natural and quite genuine is what wins." Freddie Mercury
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Posted: 26 Jul 04, 11:40 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I wanted to go leading a group of Estate Agents and Accountants to the Aztec Zone. Ah well. Being killed in a sword-fight is one hell of a way to go.


Guess who's back?
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Posted: 26 Jul 04, 11:42 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Where the fucks my OB you twat?

:D


Chom own mudder fukker.
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Posted: 26 Jul 04, 12:10 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I'll have to say, I actually liked my obituary!

I also found Charles Baer's obit really funny

queenrocks! 10902 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 26 Jul 04, 13:21 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Hey fatty can you do a obituary for me please!


I'm just a musical prostitute my dear!

FREDDIE MERCURY 1984
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Posted: 26 Jul 04, 16:10 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

O_O

That was by far one of the most disturbing things I have ever read.

You crazy sicko, you! ;)


God wants you to send me some money.



"Seven spades doubled, vulnerable, making seven? You BITCH."
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Posted: 26 Jul 04, 16:20 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I might have known I'd pop 'em rogering some lusty young sort, but hopefully not for a while.

Mind you, I was clutching my heart t'other week riding a feisty Irish redhead and I'll admit it wasn't a pleasant feeling.

Luckily, it turned out to be just wind.
Nasty affair - almost blew my hat off.


FLASHMAN STRIKES AGAIN!



Paul Rodgers is not the best thing since fried Fred.
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Posted: 26 Jul 04, 19:44 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Me.


"Elton John and I became really good friends. I don't mean 'good friends' in that sense. I just mean we slept together." -Billy Joel
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Posted: 26 Jul 04, 20:40 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

lol thoes were great


I’ll kick and scream or kneel and bleed

I’ll fight like hell to hide that I’m giving up

-Bright Eyes

Another Travelin' Song
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Posted: 26 Jul 04, 20:52 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

great work Fatty, as usual


"On the first day Pim & Niek created a heavenly occupation. Pim & Niek blessed it and named it 'Loosch'."



(Genesis 1:1)