Check out my newest bizarre-o fic. lol
[Mary Sue] And now, an I-save-John fic.
*Mary Sue is transported to the Dakota*
[John] *is walking home* I’m siiiigin’ in the rain! Just SINGIN’ in the rain!
[Mark David Chapman] I wait! I wait to… do nefarious things! Because… that’s what I’m here for!
[Audience] *immediately tries to strange MDC*
[Mary Sue] No, no, don’t worry, it’s all under control.
[Sara] I’m not convinced.
[Mary Sue] Be convinced.
[Sara] You can’t make me.
[MDC] *stands around, playing tiddlywinks*
[John] There is a strange man… Outside my house. Hey, that guy looks familiar. His name is, erm… Chapman! Hey, it’s the guy from Monty Python! … No, it’s not. Umm…
[MDC] I will kill you now.
[John] And why is that?
[MDC] Because I am an evil bastard just waiting to get assraped in jail.
[John] You’re… disturbed.
[MDC] Thank you. It’s what I live for.
[Mary Sue] No! John! Do not get killed!
[John] Is it really up to me?
[MDC] Can we just get to the part where I shoot him?
[Sara] *walks out* Can I please kill him?
[John] YOU TOO?
[Sara] No, dumbass, 3-Named-Asshole over here.
[Mandy] I’m here!
[Sara] Did you bring the tank?
[Mandy] Yes, I did. I also brought the Howard Dean army.
[Sara] Rock on.
[The Howard Dean Army] *proceeds to throw buttons and other campaign materials at MDC*
[Howard Dean] We’re going to… the Dakota! And the Plaza! And the Hilton!
[MDC] *cries and wets his pants*
[Sara] Murderin’ scum.
[John Kerry] YOU RANG?
[Sara] Get out of my fic, Kerry!
[Kerry] *whimpers and leaves*
[Bill O’Reilly] I think it is a product of…
[Sara] YOU TOO!
[O’Reilly] *does the same*
[MDC] *fires at John*
[John] After all this, I get killed anyway! No! Et tu, fangirls!
[Audience] *kills Mary Sue in a very bloody fashion*
[Sara] That’s what happens when you leave it up to Mary Sues.
[Morgan] Well, we’re not.
[Mandy] Why would we?
[Sara] That’s not us.
[Morgan] THIS is us. Oh, Megan and Paul!
[Megan] I’ve been called to action!
[Paul] JOHN! NO! YOU’RE DEAD! AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE DEAD ONE! *breaks down and begins sobbing*
[Sara] Hold your horses, it’s a fanfic.
[Mandy] What we simply need to do here is to, first of all, eradicate MDC completely. I am anti-death penalty, so I will ponder a moment. Oh, fuck it. Let’s kill him.
[Sara] *proceeds to stab MDC with his own signed copy of Double Fantasy*
[John] Is that even possible?
[Sara] Shut up, you’re dead so far.
[John] Okay. *goes back to being dead*
[Audience] *cheers wildly* HELP… IS ON… THE WAY!
[Sara] WILL YOU STOP WITH THAT? *looks at Paul, who is now serenading John’s body with ‘I Will’*
[Paul] John… I never told you… How much I really love you…
[Megan] Paul! You’re with me!
[Paul] *makes out with Megan*
[Sara] Next, we need to find Ariel Sharon. *finds him* *puts a carrot on top on his head* Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on. Bra. Return to life John Winston Lennon!
[John] *coughs* What the fuck? I feel like I’ve been shot…
[Sara] You have. Thank you Prime Minister Sharon.
[Ariel] Any time.
[John] I’ve been fucking shot! God this sucks.
[Sara] Anyone here who can drive, please get him to the hospital.
[John] About fuckin’ time.
[Megan] I shall drive.
[Paul] JOHN! *begins singing Honey Pie to him*
[John] Paul, if you keep singing goddamned fruity-ass songs to me, I will shoot YOU. Because “Happiness is a Warm Gun.”
[Audience] *laughs hysterically*
[Paul and Megan] *lift John into a car*
[Sara] Well, that was accomplished well.
[Mandy] We saved John, we got rid of MDC.
[Morgan] And we killed that annoying-ass Mary Sue. Now, all we need is several attractive chubby men.
[Attractive Chubby Men] *dances through on thongs*
[Morgan] This story has been accomplished.
"Brian May, Freddie will."