"Davis is boring; you need a lot of drugs."
"This is a great university if you're not studying sciences involving animal research, politics, teacher education (certification), or anything that offends any long-haired leftist who's a vegetarian."
-Brock M., U. of Oregon
"UNH is about as diverse as the NHL."
-Curtis E., U. of New Hampshire
"Most are either Bible-thumping, goodie-goodie, white, stuck-up, right-wing, straight-A losers or work hard, play harder and party hardy, willing-to-try-anything cool people."
-Male Sophomore, Colorado School of Mines
"Despite the best efforts of the administration to provide TCNJ students with an inefficient, cold-hearted, red-tape infested, snafu-riddled Soviet-style administrative bureaucracy, The College of New Jersey is a pretty decent place to go for a fairly reasonable amount of money."
-Anonymous, The College of New Jersey
"Vassar is like a big walrus butt: lots of hair but also very moist."
-Calder M, Vassar College
"Getting an education from MIT is like getting a drink from a firehose."
-Juan G., MIT
"This school is no good for people who like art, music, and Sonic Youth. 'Society is a hole.' There's a quote by Sonic Youth."
-Meghan S., Lake Forest College
"A Denison student might be quoted as saying, 'Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life; so get wasted all the time, and have the time of your life."
-Katherine H., Denison University
"If U R looking to settle down with an unattractive big woman, Hofstra is the place."
-Anonymous, Hofstra University
"I would have sex more often but the girls are nasty!"
-Anonymous, St. Bonaventure University
"We need some more hot girls. Tell hot girls to come here."
-Anonymous, Macalester College
"Going to Chem. review is like masturbating with sandpaper: it's just a bad idea."
-Robby M., California Institute of Technology
"The students here are as diverse as their views and backgrounds. My friends are mostly thespians and lesbiand, and they rock!"
-Female Junior, Bennington College
"I am a hermit who enjoys Ramen noodles and skin flicks. In the winter, I sit in a yoga position by a patch of ice on the sidewalk and mock people as they fall. I often bend spoons with my mind."
-Junior, Indiana University of Pennsylvania
"When I'm not trying to free Mumia, experience non-gender orgasm/transgender interpretive dance, contracting any number of venereal diseases, or trying to be hopelessly unique, I obsess to no end in trying to reconcile my existentialist beliefs with paying $30,000 a year to attend this socially legitimizing institution."
-Katherine S., Bard College
"Those who oppose the Dark Lord will be crushed, but those who are its friend will receive rewards beyond the dreams of avarice."
-Anonymous, Sarah Lawrence College
"Bentley College has fulfilled all and more of my expectations than I ever imagined."
-Dawn T., Bentley College
"Sarah Lawrence is a haven of unity and acceptance. Every morning at sunrise the entire campus gathers around the flagpole, holds hands, and sings 'We Are The World." If you're really lucky, you get to be Dionne Warwick or Willie Nelson. If you show up late you have to be Bob Dylan. But everyone gets free doughnuts, and it's the happiest time of the day for most students. One morning I went hung over and threw up in the middle of the circle. I was so ashamed, but then I looked around at the diverse group of smiling faces from all over the country and the world and suddenly I felt better. I went home and threw up some more, thankful to live in the world of love that is Sarah Lawrence."
-Matt F., Sarah Lawrence College
Creativity can always cover for a lack of knowledge.