Forums > Queen - Serious Discussion > I've been speaking to Freddie again.

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-fatty- 2850 user not visiting Queenzone.com
-fatty- 2850
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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 07:55 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Some of the old timers (not you newbie scum) may remember that a year or so ago I attempted to contact Freddie in the spirit world by hooking up my modem to a ouija board and taking a certain amount of non-prescribed drugs.
The first time I tried to contact Freddie I was a little surprised by his unwillingness to discuss his work, preffering instead to go into great detail about the countless young women he had murdered and hidden in his basement. It soon became apparent that I had dialled the wrong number and was in fact conducting an interview with the notorious killer Fred West.

On the second attempt, I spent a good ten minutes having a conversation with Fred Dibnah about chimneys and traction engines. Despite being a boring bastard it occured to me that he isn't even dead, although after ten minutes of his endless chuntering, I began to wish I was.

On Saturday evening I hooked the machime back up, took some drugs and eventually managed to track down the real Fredie Mercury.
The following is a transcript of our conversation.

Fatty: Hello, is that Freddie?

Freddie: Speaking.

Fatty: Freddie Mercury?

Freddie: Yes, who's this?

Fatty: Oh hello Freddie, My name is fatty and I was wondering if you could spare a few moments to answer a few questions for the good folks at Queenzone.

Freddie: I'm sorry what did you say your name was?

Fatty: fatty from Queenzone.

Freddie: The same fatty from Queenzone who writes all those bullshit stories about me still being alive and working as a bus driver in Edinburgh?

Fatty: err.

Freddie: The same fatty from Queenzone who wrote the Gospel according to fatty?

Fatty. I err em...

Freddie: The same fatty from queenzone who thought it would be hilariously funny to recount the tale of how I broke the news of my having AIDS to the rest of the band?

Fatty: Well I err emmm err...

Freddie: Fuck off and die you fat repulsive wanker!

(click)

Unperturbed, I left it for a few minutes and tried again. The following is a transcript of the conversation that took place.

Fatty: Hello, is that Freddie?

Freddie: Speaking.

Fatty: Freddie Mercury?

Freddie: Yes, who's this?

Fatty: Err..... This is Janet from Queenzone.

Freddie: Oh hello my dear. It's funny I always imagined you as having an American accent.

Fatty: Err...emmm...I'm starring in a play at the moment. It's a musical version of Braveheart on ice so I have to stay in character. That's why I have a Scottish accent.

Freddie: Okay, I thought you were a woman too.

Fatty: I have a cold.

Freddie: Fair enough. What can I do for you my dear?

Fatty: Well I was wondering if you wouldn't mind answering a few questions that have been cropping up on the Queenzone message board lately.

Freddie: Certainly my dear. What would you like to know? In fact don't tell me. You want to know what Bohemian Rhapsody was all about. don't you?Well what happened was this. Way back in 1972 I was reading about a ma....

Fatty: Sorry Freddie, If I could just stop you there for a second but no bugger cares what Bohemian Rhapsody was about.

Freddie: Oh... I suppose you want to know the truth about the infamous launch party of Jazz in New Orleans.

Fatty: Not particularly, no.

Freddie: So what do you want to know?

Fatty: Well the big question on everyone's mind at the moment is did you ever shave your scrotum.

Freddie: Come again?

Fatty: Did you ever shave your bollocks?

Freddie: I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.

Fatty: Ok can I ask you another question?

Freddie: So long as it's nothing to do with whether or not I shaved my clacker-bag.

Fatty: It's not.

Freddie: Ask away.

Fatty: When you died were you clean shaven or did you have a beard?

Freddie: Can I ask you a question Janet?

Fatty: Who.... oh you mean me. Yes ask away.

Freddie: I want you to imagine youreself lying in bed in unbearable agony, the ulcers in your mouth are so painful you c

Fenderek user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 08:07 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

LM bloody AO!!! Isn't this brilliant...???!!!

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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 08:14 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Very Funny, Fatty!!! You should be writing sitcoms for a living! Must be the non-prescribed drugs!!


every second word he swore,

yes, he was the son of a whore,

always wanted by the law!
The Mir@cle user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 08:42 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

A nice way to kick the arses of some Queenzoners with to much time.... But I think that the people you're talking about, don't understand the message.


I got to try al little more,

because I'm an asshole but I'm learning.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfTLkUcQ7QY
Brian_Mays_Wig user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 09:24 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Nice one!


Chom own mudder fukker.
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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 09:32 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

*rapturous applause*

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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 09:36 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I'd like to know what type of meat he rathered on sandwiches; pressed or non-pressed. And if he thinks Ben Stiller is funny or not.


...this kettle is boiling over...

...one dump...one turd...two tits...John Deacon...

...one prawn...one shrimp...one clam...one chicken!
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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 09:51 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Love it fatty!!!


-If you want the best seat in the house, you have to move the cat.





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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 10:14 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Bravo...bravooooooooooo!!!


Wo ist das kamerahhhhhhhhhhh!!!



NJ!!!























Mr Mercury user not visiting Queenzone.com
Adam who?????
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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 10:18 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Brill as usual Fatty, but what I'd want to know is whether Freddie prefers flac to mp3 - its a constant argument on the "Sharing..." section.


"Normally i can't dance to save my life.

But as soon as I step in dog shit, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson."
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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 10:22 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

iGSM wrote:

I'd like to know what type of meat he rathered on sandwiches; pressed or non-pressed.


How is this any debate? Pressed, all the way.

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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 10:23 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

ey... fatty is cool! :D


Oh I ain't greedy

But you gotta see my point of view

I was not born yesterday

But you know I must have learned a thing or two
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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 10:30 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Yeah, I'm a pressed meat fan..no matter what it is it allllllllllllways tastes better pressed. Especially ice.


...this kettle is boiling over...

...one dump...one turd...two tits...John Deacon...

...one prawn...one shrimp...one clam...one chicken!
Daburcor? user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 10:31 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Great as always Fatty! It's good to see you posting again!


"Elton John and I became really good friends. I don't mean 'good friends' in that sense. I just mean we slept together." -Billy Joel
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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 10:35 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Good one, fatty, lol


I'm not a newbie at all... just add 1770 posts to my posting counter.



Joined on October 24th 2002 :)
Brianmay1975 user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 10:49 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Oh man I can only say LOL!!! Damn this was so funny.... You're great, Fatty!


The Mir@cle wrote:

A nice way to kick the arses of some Queenzoners with to much time.... But I think that the people you're talking about, don't understand the message.


Unfortunately I also think they don't...


I LOVE QUEEN!



"My guitar was my weapon and my shield to hide behind" (Brian May)



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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 10:59 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I'm a fan of all kinds of brilliance... yes, fatty, i'm your fan.

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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 11:08 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Absolutely Brilliant, Fatty! You've always been one to bring such unique vibes to your topics.


"The more generous you are with your music, the more it comes back to you." -- Dan Lampinski



http://www.queenlive.ca
Brian_Mays_Wig user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 11:21 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Fatty, you should have asked if he was the postman or the letterbox!


Chom own mudder fukker.
MayFan user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 27 Sep 04, 11:34 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Hillarious!! Even after reading it 5 times!!
Who is this fatty and why aren't you working for the BBC?!?!? Obviously, I haven't been around long enough to have the privilage of knowing this comedic genius! Hope to see more of this!!


..got my mind on my money and my money on my mind....