Forums > Queen - Serious Discussion > Freddie's last interwiew

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-fatty- 2850 user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 13 Oct 04, 07:30 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

On November 19th 1991, George Gavin Baxter (a freelance journalist with a hair lip and national health spectacles) conducted the last ever interview with Freddie Mercury in the living room of Garden Lodge. Sadly on his way home to Greenock, George died peacefully in his sleep while at the wheel of his car which was heading northwards on the M1 at 98mph. George was scooped into several plastic bags and the car (a green 1982 Skoda) was taken to Dalton's scrapyard in Glasgow where it lay undisturbed for the next 13 years.
On October 4th 2004, Mr Ted Smegma, a shopkeeper from Glasgow went to Dalton's Scrapyard to look for a wing mirror for his pale blue three wheeled disabilty car, the original having been ripped off by a gang of Rastafarian Queen fans outside his shop.
Finding a suitable replacement, Mr Smegma purchased the mirror from the scrapyard owner for the perfectly reasonable sum of £3,000. he even threw in an old car stereo to seal the bargain.
Back home, Mr Smegma realised that there was still a tape in the stereo and when he played it back he couldn't beleive his ears. He got in touch with me last weekend and I purchased the tape in exchange for a small bag of magic beans.
I will now post the transcript of the tape in it's entirity but before reading be warned that die-hard Queen fans may not like what they are about to read and should bear in mind that not a single word of this is the truth.

(Tape clicks on)

GGB: Okay, could you say something for the level?

FM: Is this going to take long?

GGB: That's fine. Okay this is an interview conducted by myself George Gavin Baxter and Freddie Mercury, lead singer with the rock band Queen. I'm sitting in the living room of Garden Lodge, Freddie's London home on Wednesday the 19th of November 1991.
Freddie, before we look back at your remarkable career can I ask you to scotch the rumours that have been circulating recently with regards to your health.

FM: Well between you and me George, and I would appreciate it if you could keep this to yourself until we release the statement on Saturday, I have in fact been diagnosed with AIDS and I don't expect to last another week.

GGB: So the rumours are true.

FM: I'm afraid so.

GGB: Can you tell us how you contracted the disease.

FM: I caught it from an infected needle while I was undergoing a medical in New York back in 1974.

GGB: So you contracted AIDS from a needle and not another man.

FM: Another man?

GGB: Yes.

FM: How on earth could I have caught it from another man?

GGB: Unprotected anal sex?

FM: Are you implying that I drop anchor in Poo Bay?

GGB: You mean you're not gay.

FM: Of course I'm not. Where in God's name did you ever get that idea?

GGB: I'm dreadfully sorry it's just that I always imagined you we..

FM. Do I really come across as a jobbie jabber?

GGB: Well it's just that...

FM: Listen pal, I've been ball deep in more gash than you've had hot dinners.

GGB: I'm sorry I just always thought tha...

F.M: I mean for fuck's sake, what do you think Bohemian Rhapsody is all about?

GGB: Well that was a question I was coming to.

F.M : I'ts about a guy who catches AIDS from an infected needle while undergoing a medical in New York in 1974. I always assumed it was perfectly clear in the lyrics.

GGB: How interesting.

FM: There's hee-haw interesting about it, it's fucking obvious.

GGB: So how would you like to be remembered when you're gone?

FM. Well we discussed having some kind of memorial to me in the centre of London but to be perfectly honest, I'd rather the fans came here and scrawled messages on the walls outside.

GGB: What do you think the rest of the band will do when you're gone

FM: We have spoken about this and John is keen to tour as a three piece band with Roger and Brian sharing the vocals but Brian want's to concentrate on milking the fans for as much money as he can while at the same time dragging the band's good name throu

PrincesofTheUniverse user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 13 Oct 04, 07:37 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

lmfao...very good Fatty, as always! :o)


"The greed of man will be, far away from me. And my soul will be free, they won't go when I go..."

=====================

Dunfermline, Scotland
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Posted: 13 Oct 04, 07:44 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Mr Smegma :D
LÖL


Special thanks to Arif Mardin who arranged and produced some hot and spacey horns on "Staying Power" ;-)
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Posted: 13 Oct 04, 08:36 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Hilarious.



Kay Adams Corleone- The ultimate desperate housewife
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Posted: 13 Oct 04, 08:38 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

This Smegma guy is obviously a reference to the late Mrs Smegma who tried not to be seen in a Monty Python sketch. So, we all know now where fatty's idea come from. And for all of you who don't know what smegma is check out your dictionaries. (Men can certainly find out in a totally different way).

Cheers and bon appetit


Keep 'em mowing blades sharp!
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Posted: 13 Oct 04, 08:46 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

LOL

Daburcor? user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 13 Oct 04, 10:12 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I KNEW IT!


"Elton John and I became really good friends. I don't mean 'good friends' in that sense. I just mean we slept together." -Billy Joel
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Posted: 13 Oct 04, 10:35 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Pisser *applauds*


Chom own mudder fukker.
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Posted: 13 Oct 04, 12:10 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Not fatty's best, but still great.


"The more generous you are with your music, the more it comes back to you." -- Dan Lampinski



http://www.queenlive.ca
brENsKi user not visiting Queenzone.com
How shall we f**k off, Oh Lord
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Posted: 13 Oct 04, 12:30 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

statty Bot Fest, nut grill beat

the Reverend Spooner


go deo na h√Čireann
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Posted: 13 Oct 04, 12:52 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

This is your best work so far Fatty.

I think you should put them all in a book and make good money out of it


"On the first day Pim & Niek created a heavenly occupation. Pim & Niek blessed it and named it 'Loosch'."



(Genesis 1:1)
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Posted: 13 Oct 04, 15:29 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Lol. That was a good one. :)


Total Blam Blam
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Posted: 13 Oct 04, 17:57 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Hehehehehhehe


Comprende muchacho.
ready_freddie? 14629 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 14 Oct 04, 01:42 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

lol


"Hello again my beauties-is it happening?"
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Posted: 14 Oct 04, 03:32 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

that was great. It could have been longer though :)


djaef - Queen fan since 1678, after the Dorog concert!
Brian_Mays_Wig user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 14 Oct 04, 03:34 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

djaef wrote:

that was great. It could have been longer though :)



Some people just arent happy!! That would have taken me a year to think up!! lol


Welcome to QZ!!


Chom own mudder fukker.
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Posted: 14 Oct 04, 06:09 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote


Not the best, but still great!!! Fatty spoiled us:)), we only expect hilarious things...


Give me a good guitar, and you can say that my hair's a disgrace, oh, just find me an open car - I'll make the speed of light out of this place...
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Posted: 14 Oct 04, 06:35 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

when are u going to publish a book with all of these? i think it would be a worldwide bestseller
:)


2+2=5
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Posted: 14 Oct 04, 17:53 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Exactly what I needed to cheer me up. That was tremendous, darling. :)


"As to a martini, I'm willing and able,

But only make it two at most.

Three martinis, I'm under the table --

Four, and I'm under the host!"
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Posted: 14 Oct 04, 21:17 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

"FM. Oi Pheobe! This specky bastard just accused me of being a harry hoofter."

HAHAHAHA that was great.


...Erica*



"I don't judge others. I say if you feel good with what you're doing, let your freak flag fly."

--Sarah Jessica Parker