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juls user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 14 Oct 04, 10:09 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote


How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.

How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
He doesn't know when to come in

What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None: they have a machine to do that now.

What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?"

What's the first thing a bass player says when he knocks on your door?
"Pizza Delivery!"

Why don't bass players ever catch a cold?
Even a virus has some pride.

How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot One.

What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
Counterpoint.

What's the difference between a guitar player and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.

How do you protect a valuable instrument?
Hide it in an accordion case.

What happens if you play country music backwards?
Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.

Why did John Deacon join Queen?
He wanted to hang out with musicians.

How do you get a rhythm guitarist to play softer?
Put some sheet music in front of him.

What's the range of the Red Special?
Depends on how far you throw it.




Special thanks to Arif Mardin who arranged and produced some hot and spacey horns on "Staying Power" ;-)
The Real Wizard user not visiting Queenzone.com
The Real Wizard
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Posted: 14 Oct 04, 17:38 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Hehehe... those are awesome.


"The more generous you are with your music, the more it comes back to you." -- Dan Lampinski



http://www.queenlive.ca
iGSM user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 15 Oct 04, 10:36 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Q: How many bass players does it take to put in a new lightbulb?

A: None. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand. Pwnd!


...this kettle is boiling over...

...one dump...one turd...two tits...John Deacon...

...one prawn...one shrimp...one clam...one chicken!
Daburcor? user not visiting Queenzone.com
Daburcor?
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Posted: 15 Oct 04, 13:13 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I liked these. I fancy myself somewhat the musician. Though, I don't see any pianist ones. ;)


"Elton John and I became really good friends. I don't mean 'good friends' in that sense. I just mean we slept together." -Billy Joel
Pluto user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 16 Oct 04, 18:17 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Why did John Deacon join Queen?
He wanted to hang out with musicians.

God that one cracked me up and I don't know why.


I’ll kick and scream or kneel and bleed

I’ll fight like hell to hide that I’m giving up

-Bright Eyes

Another Travelin' Song
geeksandgeeks user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 16 Oct 04, 19:27 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I'm a choir girl, and my choir has written the book on my-voice-part-is-hipper-than-yours jokes.

Q: Hello, I'm an uninformed person who doesn't know anything about singing. What are the qualities of the voice parts?

A: Sopranos get high.
Tenors get paid.
Basses get low.
Altos get laid.

(Written by altos)

Q: What do you call a soprano who is kind and modest?
A: A fake.

(Written by tenors)

Q: What's the difference between a group of male strippers and an SUV full of tenors?
A: On the strippers, the weenies are on the OUTSIDE.

(Written by basses)

Q: What's the difference between an alto and a pit bull?
A: Eyeshadow.

(Written by sopranos)

Q: What is the distinguishing feature of an intelligent bass?
A: He insists that he can't sing.

(Written by tenors)

Q: What is the deadliest toxin available on the black market?
A: A soprano's voice.

(Written by altos)

Q: What do you call a tenor who is in heaven?
A: Lost.

(Written by sopranos)

Q: Why don't altos ever smoke crack?
A: They don't need to. Their voices provide all the crack they need.

(Written by basses)

Q: How is a football player similar to a skunk?
A: In many ways, but primarily between the legs.

(Written by everyone)

Let me stress that we all love each other very much and that I am in fact dating a tenor, and these were all written in a joking manner. Except the last one.


God wants you to send me some money.



"Seven spades doubled, vulnerable, making seven? You BITCH."
Fairyfeller user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 18 Oct 04, 08:47 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
He doesn't know when to come in

He'll just keep knocking, since that's what a drummer does, knocking would resemble drumming then


What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

Drummers tend to be lazy and crazy about women. What do you get? You live in your girl's appartment.


How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None: they have a machine to do that now.

my personal opinion: Machines (or back to humans) and like I said, drummers are lazy in a twisted sort of way, they'll invent something to fix something instead of just fixing it


What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?"

uh..well...it's just a joke... but if you must have an explanation, prolly drummers write bad songs or so


What's the first thing a bass player says when he knocks on your door?
"Pizza Delivery!"

just like pizza delivery guys they have a strange way of being in a permanent state of dullness


What's the difference between a guitar player and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.

when eating a pizza, four people can eat of it, whilst a guitarist does not earn enough money to support a family of four


The dream of the child is the hope of the man