Forums > Personal > pissed off and angry

forum rss feed
Author

bigc user not visiting Queenzone.com

Bohemian: 353 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 21 Jan 05, 17:27 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

January is undoubtably the worst month of the year.

every year it seems to try and beat last years awfulness. In 2004 following the death of my grandad I was grieving and struggling with depression as I managed to isolate myself from the world.

this year however is slighty worse. In early november I began to feel a bit tired/out of sorts.I assumed I was just a little run down/under the weather. It got more severe and I started to feel quite bad. I tried to combat this by getting a job, believing keeping myself busy would get me back into gear. However the tiredness just got alot worse and I hastily quit(20 hours a week on top of college as well is too much,especially as it was 6-10 every weekday evening). After quitting I briefly felt better..having linked the tiredness and assiocated symptoms with the job. this lasted less than a week. After being at a college gig, walking home I began to feel a bit out of it/dizzy. This continued for the next few days till I briefly passed out at college on December 1st. I took a few days off and thought I could recover then,but then when I returned to college I felt worse. In addition to feeling tired I felt weak and had alot of headaches. I put this down to having a long 2004 and Id see the last 2 weeks out and recover over the xmas holiday. However during the first 2 weeks of 2005 the severeness of the symptoms reached new peaks, and has now drastically cut back on my social activity(I hardly go out now). Last friday i had several blood tests done. The results could be in by Monday. After hiding the illness Ive admitted it to my close friends.

right now Im really pissed off. Ive spent 2 months in denial thinking tomorrow I'll be fine when its never happened. Now I have no life, simply college-home-college-home. Week after Week. Im lonely and sad.

Im sorry this seems like a selfish rant but im just a bit down over the whole scenario

current im so angry and frustrated.

Janet user not visiting Queenzone.com
Janet
Deity: 3937 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 21 Jan 05, 18:11 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

It doesn't sound like a selfish rant at all. Its a scary feeling when you don't feel well and you don't know whats wrong. And its frustrating when you never seem to feel good anymore. Sometimes a good old fashioned 'pity party' is just the thing you need to comfort yourself, if only for awhile. I sure hope that everything turns out okay for you health-wise, and please accept my condolences on the loss of your grandfather.

Take care, and hang on in there...


-If you want the best seat in the house, you have to move the cat.





markaw user not visiting Queenzone.com

Champion: 78 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 21 Jan 05, 18:13 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Hey mate you do sound depressed. Did you fully grieve for your Grandfather? remember that the first anniversaries have only just gone and it will take a bit of time to move on again-grief is a journey in itself that goes through different phases-but those phases are fluid, that is, you may slip back into a depressed feeling again.
Are you sleeping ok? or is it disturbed in some way?
Whats your appetite like-is it diminished?
How do you feel about your situation and your life within that?
Do you think about future weeks and months and what you will be doing eg: college work, working p/t again?

Try answering some or all of the above. I hope you find the strength to move on-its important to fight the apathy and lethargy you feel- you wasn't like this prior to Nov 04 was you? If not you know.... you will come through this. Remain positive and strong mate, you'll get through.
Best wishes





Some day one day....we'll come home
bigc user not visiting Queenzone.com

Bohemian: 353 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 21 Jan 05, 19:01 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

its not depression. I totally recovered from the depression by early March 04. and started to really improve my health.I go By the summer I was on top form, I tried to do something every day of my summer holiday, and I think I fufilled that.I worked at my local library, and pretty soon I was notorious, for I always wore loud hawaiian shirts and was always very friendly to the people at the library.2 of my mates also were working there, and one went, "ahhh, I wish I had the confidence you do, to talk to the public like that".Id often look at what they were taking out(cos it had cds/dvds/videos too), and start talking about it,or recommend something. I remember a bald guy tried to hit me(jokily) with a book "guitar legends", cos I said he was probably jealous of Brian May's hair(he said he didnt really like Brian, and I absent mindly said..just jealous of the hair)
In october, I got dumped by my gf, initially I was a little shell shocked but I picked myself up and started to move on. over the last week of october(half term from college) I went on two big days out, which I felt fine from.

initially I fought this, as I thought it may well be mental as opposed to physical. But after nearly 2 months smiling as I felt my strength ebbing away Ive resigned my fate. Id gone out with friends but after 2 hours or so I feel so drained. even if Im having a good day sometimes I just get hit by a feeling of illness. Like when I get back from college I go and listen to some music for a bit, and sometimes I get a headache then.

I tried to keep active throughout november and december but like I say..its got worse lately.

the blood tests will hopefully confirm what I can do. its just..its knocked me. I feel physically weak

Brimon user not visiting Queenzone.com

Bohemian: 571 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 21 Jan 05, 20:17 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I hope you start feeling better soon.

Take care, and rant away. :)

KillerQueen840 user not visiting Queenzone.com

Deity: 4081 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 21 Jan 05, 21:49 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I hope things only get better, and I'm really sorry to hear. It's great to vent, people can talk you through your rough times and you can get a lot of things that you have been keeping to yourself off your back. Good luck with everything!


"The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keep out the joy."

(Jim Rohn)
Mayboy user not visiting Queenzone.com

Deity: 6181 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 22 Jan 05, 07:50 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Its nice to get things off your chest from time to time, its what keeps most of us sane i think..so rant away :)

Hope things start looking better for u very soon


"I'm going up Buchanan Street

With a box of fireworks

And two bottles of

Tizer"

bigc user not visiting Queenzone.com

Bohemian: 353 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 22 Jan 05, 08:37 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

just to establish 1 thing..Im not depressed!

Im angry and annoyed and pissed off at what this "illness" is restricting my life to.



brENsKi user not visiting Queenzone.com
How shall we f**k off, Oh Lord
brENsKi
Deity: 8088 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 22 Jan 05, 10:24 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

pissed off and angry are signs of depression


go deo na hÉireann
bigc user not visiting Queenzone.com

Bohemian: 353 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 22 Jan 05, 10:55 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

look its not depression if you read the initial post you'd understand

Im too ill to go out for long periods. its not my head telling me that, its my body feeling too weak.

and I should know..seeing as I tried to ignore it throughout november and december and kept going out till it increased in severity

brENsKi user not visiting Queenzone.com
How shall we f**k off, Oh Lord
brENsKi
Deity: 8088 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 22 Jan 05, 11:34 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

look i'm not going to disagree with you...but please read this...you'll see why i said they are classic signs - as are many of the other symptoms you describe... i don't claim to be right - but as someone who had a stress-issue some years ago - when i was left with four people's jobs to do - i do recognise some of it

http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/Depression_Information/symptoms.htm

Symptoms of Depression
ALTHOUGH it is often classed as 'mental illness', clinical depression often has as many physical symptoms as mental. The feelings or emotions that are depression symptoms actually begin to cause the physical effects. How this happens is a vital part of understanding depression and the symptoms that come with it.
If you are depressed at the moment some of the following symptoms may sound familiar:

You feel miserable and sad.
You feel exhausted a lot of the time with no energy .
You feel as if even the smallest tasks are sometimes impossible.
You seldom enjoy the things that you used to enjoy-you may be off sex or food or may 'comfort eat' to excess.
You feel very anxious sometimes.
You don't want to see people or are scared to be left alone. Social activity may feel hard or impossible.
You find it difficult to think clearly.
You feel like a failure and/or feel guilty a lot of the time.
You feel a burden to others.
You sometimes feel that life isn't worth living.
You can see no future. There is a loss of hope. You feel all you've ever done is make mistakes and that's all that you ever will do.
You feel irritable or angry more than usual.
You feel you have no confidence.
You spend a lot of time thinking about what has gone wrong, what will go wrong or what is wrong about yourself as a person. You may also feel guilty sometimes about being critical of others (or even thinking critically about them).
You feel that life is unfair.
You have difficulty sleeping or wake up very early in the morning and can't sleep again. You seem to dream all night long and sometimes have disturbing dreams.
You feel that life has/is 'passing you by.'
You may have physical aches and pains which appear to have no physical cause, such as back pain.

It's this wealth of depression symptoms, and the broad scope that confuses many people as to what depression actually is. Explanations rarely cover all the symptoms, and everybody's experience is different.




go deo na hÉireann
OrAnGe SoDa user not visiting Queenzone.com

Bohemian: 335 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 22 Jan 05, 13:32 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

<B><font color=#ff7f00>Brenski</B> wrote:

pissed off and angry are signs of depression
signs of depression?!oh sh*t....i got that...all the time...i should've checked yes on the depression thing...i think i almost drugged my self...not so sure tho...my mum even asked me if i took ''the correct amount of pills'' i only took one that's what the bottle said...

bigc user not visiting Queenzone.com

Bohemian: 353 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 22 Jan 05, 15:27 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

ive had depression before, this is different.
i feel physically weak. I dont really go out aside from college. Its not thru not wanting to.during november and december I did, I've just lost more energy. with depression I never wanted to go out.thats what makes it more frustrating..I want to go out and lead my life and Im being held back by a mystery illness

It could be anemia.

brENsKi user not visiting Queenzone.com
How shall we f**k off, Oh Lord
brENsKi
Deity: 8088 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 22 Jan 05, 17:36 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

bigc wrote:

ive had depression before, this is different.
i feel physically weak. I dont really go out aside from college. I've just lost more energy. I want to go out and lead my life and Im being held back by a mystery illness

It could be anemia.


...or it could be depression



sorry mate, but you have enough symptoms to be a "possible" - just because you were depressed before and it was different, doesn't mean identical symptoms next time...the fact thta you were depressed before makes it EVEN more likely...

either that or
ME
guillem barre syndrome

You feel exhausted a lot of the time with no energy .
You feel as if even the smallest tasks are sometimes impossible.
You feel miserable and sad.
You may have physical aches and pains which appear to have no physical cause
You feel irritable or angry more than usual.


go deo na hÉireann
bigc user not visiting Queenzone.com

Bohemian: 353 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 22 Jan 05, 18:52 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

to me it doesnt feel like depression.its a hunch,thats all.But like you rightly point out..its different. Its just I feel underneath this illness theres still my usual spirit, it just lacks its backing band, so to speak. Whereas when i was depressed, I just lost my usual spark.

i dont get all the self hate stuff either. before my anger was complex and deep rooted, linked to my relationships with people, my attitude towards life, my progress and my future. now I just wish i still had the same oomph behind me!

hehe.

Janet user not visiting Queenzone.com
Janet
Deity: 3937 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 22 Jan 05, 19:14 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Brenski is right, all of your symptoms can be a result of depression. But you are very right to have all other causes ruled out first. I have suffered from clinical depression for most of my adult life. Thankfully it has been kept under control with the right medication for that past few years. But, in 1996...I experienced extreme fatigue to the point of not even being able to get out of bed, dizziness, and alot of joint and muscle pain. After a few tests, it was discovered that I had Systemic Lupus. Many more women get lupus than men, but men can get it... perhaps you should mention it to your doctor? Just a thought. Good luck!


-If you want the best seat in the house, you have to move the cat.





1quen_fan user not visiting Queenzone.com

Bohemian: 339 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 22 Jan 05, 20:11 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

:) Feel better soon!!


Fuck them darling, if they just don't get.

- Freddie Mercury
1quen_fan user not visiting Queenzone.com

Bohemian: 339 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 22 Jan 05, 20:12 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I will make sure to prey for you.


Fuck them darling, if they just don't get.

- Freddie Mercury
bellydancer user not visiting Queenzone.com

Bohemian: 246 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 23 Jan 05, 06:54 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Dear Big C

I understand how you feel as I myself suffered severe depression. Depression can manifest itself in many ways and have varying symptoms. However, if you are concerned that there is something else, ask your doctor to do a full physical examination as these symptoms can also match other illnesses. I recently was suffering from fatigue, muscle cramps and twitches and thought it might be something more sinister and my doctor did full blood tests. What came up was possible type 2 diabetes. My doctor also said that a lot of those symptoms match stress.

The upside is, try not to worry too much as this adds further to your stress. And maybe you may need to seek some counselling as well - please don't take offence at this as I overcame my depression by working with an excellent psychiatrist. There is no shame in admitting you have problems but it is silly not to reach out and get professional help when you need it not to mention talking about your problems with your friends and family. I hope you are feeling better soon.


"Everybody knows that rock attained perfection in 1974-its a scientific fact" Homer Simpson
bigc user not visiting Queenzone.com

Bohemian: 353 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 23 Jan 05, 07:40 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Im so sure it isnt depression. I know from what Ive described it sounds like it. I dont know if stress comes into it, to be quite honest I think its an illness because like i said I kept going out throughout november and december..and I didnt feel emotionally bad..just physically. and lately ive just decided to lay low till it gets better

they have tested me for diabetis