What did our favourite band get up to before they all got together to be the world's greatest rock band with the best anthems (apart from Calling All Girls) ever?
John used to be best friend with Brad Pitt, and even
hung out with him after
a fire at his house, but one day they started
spontaneously fighting in a car
park, and it turned out that Brad Pitt was in his
imagination. Which shocked him a bit.
Mary Austin has an interesting life story. Born in
Southampton in 1890, a 22 year old
Mary actually had tickets to sail to New York on the
ill-fated liner "Titanic".
On the morning of the maiden voyage, her boyfriend of
the time stupidly lost the
tickets in a game of poker with Leonardo Di Caprio.
Sarah went fucking ballistic,
but she forgave him later on.
Brian's family are, in fact, Austrian. His brothers
and sisters used to tell her about
when they lived there, and Julie Andrews came to
babysit and made them all dress in curtains,
because she wanted them to look like gypsies, because
she was a stupid nun. Brian was born just after
the family crossed the border, and the children
rounded on Julie Andrews, and attached her to a
flying umbrella, and told her to "go and look after
some other fucking kids" in London somewhere.
Which, of course, she did.
Roger's italian roots are very deep seated. When she
was young, he got caught up in the wrong
crowd, and after an attempt on her fathers life, she
assumed control of the Taylor family with
devastating effects. These included the massacre of
the heads of the five families, a murder at
an opera house, and owning casinos in Las Vegas. He
can still be heard to utter "just when I
thought I was out, they pull me back in" whilst
wearing a red cardigan.
After some close scrapes with his own parents and the
school bully in 1955, and some indians and cowboys
in 1885, John has learned the hard way not to go
driving deloreans around at 88 mph.
When he was young, and french, Roger was taken in
by Jean Reno, who was a hitman at the time. But
Gary Oldman killed him, so he emigrated to Kensington.
These things happen I suppose.
Once Freddie had flown in to LA to patch things up with his
wife over christmas, he was more than a bit pissed
off to find that Alan Rickman and a load of germans
had taken over the building where the christmas
party was being held. So pissed off in fact, that he
took a gun and ran off, and shot most of them. He got
glass in his feet, and amazingly lost enough of his
clothes so that he was just wearing a white vest
which got extremely dirty. Oh, and he dropped Alan
Rickman out of a window.
When Brian May was only small, he went to New
Zealand on holiday. It was picturesque, and beautiful.
He swam in the lakes, saw the ancient temples to the
gods, walked through the natural springs and geysers,
he helped to hand-carve his own souvenir, and he
learned much of the maori culture and ways of living.
Sadly, Saraman and his orc army turned up and fucked
it right up for him.
Born on the planet Krypton, Roger's father-who was
Marlon Brando-and his mother put him in a casket made
and sent him to earth to escape the destruction of
their home planet. When he arrived, he found he could
fast, and lift stuff. By the age of 17, he could fly.
He obviously had to keep these powers secret,
so he invented his alter ego, Roger Taylor. Later in
life, he found he was invincible to bullets. Despite
always ducked if someone threw a gun at him. He was
also very intelligent, with all those super-powers.
he insists on wearing his pants outside his trousers.
He's in love with a reporter, but she doesn't know he
Brian is actually an automated machine sent back from
the year 2029. He has come to kill the leader of the
in the machine war, before he is even born, thus
ensuring a clean swe