Forums > Personal > People of faith, help me out

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geeksandgeeks user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 29 Apr 05, 23:28 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Or actually, anyone, help me out.

I have been seeing an amazing young man for quite a period, and for the past couple of weeks everything has just fallen right into place. The problem is, he's a deeply religious Christian, and you all know what I think about religion. We're both willing to accept our differences on that; it's not an issue. But he confessed to me tonight that he's worried about me with regards to the afterlife. We have quite a while to wait before that comes into play, but I feel a bit guilty.

So, question to people with somewhat more religion than I have: could you love someone who, according to your upbringing, was headed straight down the road to hell? And if so, how would you deal with that? I neither can nor am I willing to change my whole belief system, but I'd like to make this easier on both of us.


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Megamike The GREAT user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 29 Apr 05, 23:53 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Well myself I would have to say that I have spent many years walking away from Gods will and while I turned my back on him I tried a couple times to date a woman who was very religious, and it just didn't work, she would NAG me everyday to follow Gods plan, and when you are doing the things that would send you to hell the last thing you want is someone reminding you all the time about it, that is unless you have been thinking of giving your life to Christ and his love. (no.. I am not trying to preach here.. :) )

Hope that helps somewhat.


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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 00:19 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I don't like to say I'm religous. I have a close relationship with God, but if someone doesn't want to know about God or be preached to, I don't. It's not like I go up to a random person and ask if they know God. Well, you said he's worried about your after life right? I guess he feels that it's his fault that you don't belive in God or something. That he hasn't preached to you well enough. Or something along those words. There are some religous people I know that go a little too extreme and say, "If you don't do this you're going to hell!" Those kinds of people kind of annoy me in a way. If they want to preach, don't scare the people.

I was friends with a guy that's religous also. But he's a little too extreme. He would keep asking me stuff like ,"Did you pray?" Before a meal. And everytime I made a mistake he'd say, "Jesus saw you!" Well, we don't talk as much anymore.

It's a good thing that your friend doesn't act this way.


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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 00:34 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

My beliefs don't include Hell so I can't speak for that side. But I do know that if I was in a relationship with someone who was on at me a lot about the fact that I would end up there I'd have to think very seriously about whether it was worth it for us both. Do you really want him to be continually worrying about your immortal soul? Because if he's that devout he probably will. Things always come out right in the end.


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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 04:04 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Geeks,

You say he is deeply religious. I don't doubt you, but I have a hard time understanding how a deeply religious person could become so deeply involved with someone whose very philosophy flies in the face of everything he supposedly holds most true. What thought process even gets you to that point? How can you have a deep connection with someone whose view of the universe is completely opposite to your own? Why would you even want to be in a relationship like that?

The reason, I suspect, is because he is young and overwhelmed by his feelings for you, and doesn't know how to put that in the proper perspective. Making decisions based on feelings leads to disaster almost every time. Because feelings come and go, change, and grow. Some day you will not be quite so beautiful to him and the spark will have gone out of things for you too. Your mutual interests will long have since played themselves out. What then? All that that will be left will be the two of you and who you are on the deepest level. If that doesn't match up, things will be very difficult for you.

Because if he loves you, he will never stop trying to convert you. How can you love someone and not persist in trying to share the truth with her? And you. If you love him and truly want what's best for him, how can you stand to watch him waste his life away on a lie? It is the love that will breed the conflict. And life is difficult enough without being locked into eternal philosophical struggle with your partner. You may say you can live with your differing beliefs, but if those beliefs are truly believed with conviction, that will never really happen.

My suggestion to you is to end this right away. Let him find a nice Christian girl who can be what he needs. And you find someone who can give you what you need.

I've been through this before, and it is difficult. You have my sympathy. Whatever the two of you decide, it will not be easy for either one of you.

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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 05:13 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I had this problem with an ex-girlfriend. She was a very devout Catholic I, however, am nothing having never been christened or anything. I did go to Church with her once for Mass (if only to shut her up). I kept up this romance for nine hole weeks before I realised that we were poles apart in our beliefs so we came to an agreement to end it. To give her her due though she didn't try and force it down my throat. I am very suspicious of people who ram religion down your throats cf. Jehovnah's Witnesses.

My advice then in short. Ditch him.


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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 07:08 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Geeks, you said that everything has fallen into place and that you're both willing to accept your differences. in my opinion, that's a good start. I suggest that you try to hang on a little longer, if that's what you both want. if you really want this relationship, you can work it out.

on the other hand, if he's really worried about you and it makes your relationship difficult, maybe you better talk to him and find out what he thinks is the best. it's kind of his problem, and he knows if he can live with it or not.
good luck anyway :)


"it's better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you're not"

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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 09:26 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I can't help you out, but I will say that I think that you would only go to hell if you did something seriously bad like killing someone.


"The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keep out the joy."

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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 10:09 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I don't mean to be a downer, but if he is really religious I can't see it working out. I have known some extremely religious folks, my aunt included, and they can never except anything that varies from their beliefs. I would personally feel like I was being judged all the time.

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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 10:10 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

geeksandgeeks wrote:

Or actually, anyone, help me out.

I have been seeing an amazing young man for quite a period, and for the past couple of weeks everything has just fallen right into place. The problem is, he's a deeply religious Christian, and you all know what I think about religion. We're both willing to accept our differences on that; it's not an issue. But he confessed to me tonight that he's worried about me with regards to the afterlife. We have quite a while to wait before that comes into play, but I feel a bit guilty.

i wouldn't worry sweatheart your not going to hell he should not be saying those things to you if he respects you, imo love transends religion and if there is a god isnt he all about love? my opinion is live life to the full and treat every day as if its your last, if he loves you or respects you he'll respect your beliefs. i'm no religious nut but i do believe there is an after life be it god or whatever and imo i think there is a special little place for the ones who take another mans life which isnt his to take. in short geeks if he wont accept you as you are then seek someone who will.

So, question to people with somewhat more religion than I have: could you love someone who, according to your upbringing, was headed straight down the road to hell? And if so, how would you deal with that? I neither can nor am I willing to change my whole belief system, but I'd like to make this easier on both of us.



oo la la
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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 11:08 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

<b><font color = "crimson">ThomasQuinn wrote:

He shouldn't be worried. In fact, 'hell' wasn't included in Christianity until the middle ages, so several hundreds of years after Christ. The jews still don't have it. So, as I said, he shouldn't worry.


Not as i understand it. the bibles were writtne in the early fourth century AD, after pope Constantine called a meeting @ Nicosea. the gospels we compiled from 40+ original "gospels" and Luke's gospel - which definitely includes Hell was included - see below:

According to Luke 16:19-28 nobody can pass from Hell to Heaven or vice versa, and fire is not the only torment, thirst being another, and more that are not described; in this biblical paragraph it is also mentioned that the souls that are in Hell can see those that are in Heaven and vice versa, but nothing is said of the sight of God; those that are in Hell can see the happiness reigning in Heaven, and those in Heaven do not feel compassion for the others in Hell.

THE PAIN AND FIRE OF HELL WILL NEVER END: "Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast INTO EVERLASTING FIRE... TO BE CAST INTO HELL FIRE." (St. Matthew 18:8-9)



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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 11:28 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I'd much rather someone worried about me in the nowlife, rather than the afterlife.

Bloody religion.

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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 13:22 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Gad, he sounds like a fruitloop to me. He might be alright for practising with, but I wouldn't get too serious.
Devout, my eye! Tell him there's nowt devout about that bulge in his trousers next time he gets up close and personal.

Who wants to go to Heaven anyway? Full of boring old farts with sensible haircuts and corduroy, by the sound of it. Give me t'other shop any day.

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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 13:46 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

From my own experience Mandy.

My girlfriend happened to be raised protestant, but she says that she doesn't believe in Jesus but still believes in God which makes her agnostic in a certain sense.
I happen to be a christian, but taken the conditions of how corrupt and hypocritical are christian institution I don't consider myself a follower of any of them. The only reason why this relationship has worked despite the differences is because we're not too religious ourselves.

My very own advice Mandy would be to tell him to avoid religious conversations, and see what his reaction will be.


[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Brandon wrote: [/QUOTENAME]... and now the "best you can offer is Mr. Jingles? HA! He's... just pathetic.[/QUOTE]
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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 14:22 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Manders....you already said you both can agree to disagree....stick with him until your heart AND brain tell you otherwise.

Have fun!! Don't worry too much, it gives you wrinkles!!! EWWWW!!!!

:)


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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 14:25 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

<font color=purple>Miss James wrote:


For me personally, I wouldn't date someone who doesn't share my belief system simply because I would already know that problems would occur. It is basically an understanding that I have that I will date someone that I I know I could possibly marry eventually and I would want that person to be Christian, so we would be on track with everything. Even if a person loves another person who doesn't share the same beliefs, those two people are STILL capable of (eventually) getting into nasty religious debates. And if they don't, they probably always choose their words wisely.


That's very true, Amanda. I believe that religious differences in a relationship are something that is very likely to bring conflict, but it also depends on how deeply religious are a man and a woman. The more religious either one is, the more likely it is that the relationship wouldn't work and completely fall apart. There can be religious differences that could still make a relationship work but only as long as both can be moderately religious, and be able to accept the differences from their significant others.

Another thing that can bring a relationship into even more religious conflict is children. When parents disagree about how religiously raise their children, you can nearly see a divorce coming on the way.


[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Brandon wrote: [/QUOTENAME]... and now the "best you can offer is Mr. Jingles? HA! He's... just pathetic.[/QUOTE]
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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 19:41 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I've heard of a lot of couples here in NY that decide to marry despite one being from one religion and the other person from another (the most common one I've seen is christian/jewish couples) and they still manage to have an (apparently) successful marriage.

The funny thing is that many christian/jewish couples seem to get along better than people who are protestant/catholic, even though this last one happens to be far more similar on their religious beliefs for being both christian.

I however never had the chance to ask any of them how do they work it out to put the differences aside without destroying the relationship.


[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Brandon wrote: [/QUOTENAME]... and now the "best you can offer is Mr. Jingles? HA! He's... just pathetic.[/QUOTE]
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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 20:19 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

You just do Mr. Jingles. I'm a catholic and my wife is Hindu. And believe me, when you love someone so much, religion does'nt come into it. You'll do whatever it takes to be with that person. It is'nt easy, we've had some really shitty times, but you do it, if you love them.

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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 20:31 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

When I met my husband, I was Protestant and he was Catholic. I made it clear right from the very beginning that I would not be turning Catholic, nor would I be raising my child/children to be Catholic. I basically gave him the opportunity to decide if he wanted to be with me despite our differences, before things got more serious between us. It turned out that even though he was raised in the Catholic church, my husband had serious issues with alot of the church's practices,and was not happy with alot of it, and he was only too happy to get married in my church, and to raise our son in the Protestant religion. His mother had issues with it for awhile, and made a bit of a stink, but we stuck to our guns, and after awhile she backed down and that was that.


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Posted: 30 Apr 05, 20:38 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Janet wrote:

When I met my husband, I was Protestant and he was Catholic. I made it clear right from the very beginning that I would not be turning Catholic, nor would I be raising my child/children to be Catholic. I basically gave him the opportunity to decide if he wanted to be with me despite our differences, before things got more serious between us. It turned out that even though he was raised in the Catholic church, my husband had serious issues with alot of the church's practices,and was not happy with alot of it, and he was only too happy to get married in my church, and to raise our son in the Protestant religion. His mother had issues with it for awhile, and made a bit of a stink, but we stuck to our guns, and after awhile she backed down and that was that.



That's sorta like my parents, too. My mum is Catholic and my dad is Protestant. But my bro and I are Catholic.


"The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keep out the joy."

(Jim Rohn)