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Smitty user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 17 Jun 05, 11:07 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Driver's licence


A mom is driving her little girl to a friend's house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "How old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a woman her age," the mother says, "It is not polite."

"Ok," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says "these are personal questions, and really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get in a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, honestly!" the exasperated mother walks away as the two girls begin to play.

"My mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says her friend, "all you have to do is look at her driver's licence. It's like a report card-it has everything on it."

Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are. You are 32"

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you know that?"

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds," the little girl says.

The mother is past surprise and shocked now. "How in heavens name did you find that out?" she asks.

The little girl says triumphantly, "I also know why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really," the mother says "and why is that?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

Smitty user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 17 Jun 05, 11:11 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

It really is funny.

brENsKi user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 17 Jun 05, 11:48 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

if this is a USA driving licence thing - then half of the listeners won't have a clue what you mean - me included

need explanation


go deo na h√Čireann
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Posted: 17 Jun 05, 11:53 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

HAHAHA!!!!


I don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in my pool!

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Posted: 17 Jun 05, 12:02 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

LOL


MY GOD spell it write.
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Posted: 17 Jun 05, 12:11 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Ok. I have one!

There was a teacher and it was the last day of school. She was telling her Kinder Garden Students that now they are almost in first grade. She said, "Ok students. Lets use big words now. You are almost in first grade. Who wants to go first?"
A little boy raised his hand and said, "I road the choo-choo yesterday." The teacher said, "Good job. But since we want to use big words now, say train instead of choo-choo. Does anyone else want to say something?"
A little girl raised her hand and said, "I went to the potty all by myself!" The teacher replied, "Good job. Now since we are almost in first grade, say bathroom instead of potty. Does anyone else want to try?"
Then a little boy from the back of the class room raised his hand. The teacher picked him and he said, "I read a book yesterday." The teacher said, "What book did you read?" The little boy said, "Weenie the shit."


I don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in my pool!

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Posted: 17 Jun 05, 13:21 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Brenski: if this is a USA driving licence thing - then half of the listeners won't have a clue what you mean - me included

need explanation

OK - Sex m or f?

she obviously placed f in the sex box. (for female).

I agree with you though - this joke would work better and be more international if it was a passport rather than a driver's license.



"Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make."
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Posted: 17 Jun 05, 13:34 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

F is a failing grade


I don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in my pool!

Bob The Shrek user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 18 Jun 05, 02:21 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

A Short Joke

Boy in bath holding his testicles: 'Are these my brains Mum?

Mum: 'Not yet, son'


Cleveland May 24 to June 4th 2007 - I came, I saw, I fucked off home again.
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Posted: 18 Jun 05, 03:21 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Here's my trademark one-liner:

If proctologists were called asstronauts, would hemmorhoids be called assteroids?

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Posted: 20 Jun 05, 07:18 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Sailor to captain: Sir, a pirate ship's approching us.
Captain: Give me my red shirt!
Sailor: Why?
Captain: So they can't see it, if they hit me.
Sailor: Captain, there are 100 ships coming.
Captain: Give me my brown trousers!

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Posted: 20 Jun 05, 07:49 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

tupincs wrote:

Sailor to captain: Sir, a pirate ship's approching us.
Captain: Give me my red shirt!
Sailor: Why?
Captain: So they can't see it, if they hit me.
Sailor: Captain, there are 100 ships coming.
Captain: Give me my brown trousers!


I don't get it

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Posted: 20 Jun 05, 08:52 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Inu-Liger<h6>-a.k.a. Richard Guilbault- wrote:

tupincs wrote:

Sailor to captain: Sir, a pirate ship's approching us.
Captain: Give me my red shirt!
Sailor: Why?
Captain: So they can't see it, if they hit me.
Sailor: Captain, there are 100 ships coming.
Captain: Give me my brown trousers!


I don't get it



I do :D


Feed the Phoenix :)
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Posted: 21 Jun 05, 09:09 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

An Irishman buys a bath and the following day he goes back and complains to the Manager that the water keeps running out. The Manager asks 'Did you buy a plug for it?', the Irishman replied 'You cunt, you didn't tell me it was electric'


Cleveland May 24 to June 4th 2007 - I came, I saw, I fucked off home again.
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Posted: 21 Jun 05, 09:13 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Bob The Shrek wrote:

An Irishman buys a bath and the following day he goes back and complains to the Manager that the water keeps running out. The Manager asks 'Did you buy a plug for it?', the Irishman replied 'You cunt, you didn't tell me it was electric'


:-)

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Posted: 22 Jun 05, 06:26 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Inu-Liger&lt;h6&gt;-a.k.a. Richard Guilbault- wrote:

tupincs wrote:

Sailor to captain: Sir, a pirate ship's approching us.
Captain: Give me my red shirt!
Sailor: Why?
Captain: So they can't see it, if they hit me.
Sailor: Captain, there are 100 ships coming.
Captain: Give me my brown trousers!


I don't get it



dick head


Paddy Can You Hear Me Now



Phoenix Nights Series 1
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Posted: 22 Jun 05, 08:07 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

&lt;font color=green&gt;Bren&lt;font color=orange&gt;ski wrote:

if this is a USA driving licence thing - then half of the listeners won't have a clue what you mean - me included

need explanation



I get it! It's not rocket science.


Yes, it's me. I'm back.



I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on a disk somewhere
tupincs user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 24 Jun 05, 04:41 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

&quot;I have a penis like a baby.&quot;
&quot;Oh, it can't that small.&quot;
&quot;Small? It's 57 cm and 2,5 kg.&quot;