Here's some to my type of humour...
Dinner with the Girlfriend's Parents
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
A bloke goes into boots the chemist to buy some deoderant
" Aerosol or ball " asks the assistant
" neither " replies the bloke " it's for under my arms "
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight
> loss program.
> The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands
> before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in
> nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her
> neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight
> loss company.
> The sign reads: "If you can catch me, you can have me."
> Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles
> later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his
> way with her. The same girl shows up for the next four days
> and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs
> himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb. as
> He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound
> The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the
> most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his
> life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a
> sign around her neck that reads: "If you catch me you can have
> Well, he's out the door after her like a shot! This girl is in
> excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her; but
> when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and
> wheeze, so for the next four days, the same routine happens.
> Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only
> to discover that he has lost another 20 lb. as promised.
> He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the
> 7-day/50 pound program.
> "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone - "This
> is our most rigorous program."
> "Absolutely," he replies,"I haven't felt this good in years."
> The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it
> he finds this huge, muscular, 7ft man standing there wearing
> nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that
> read:, "I'm Ronald. If I catch you, you're mine..."
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home w