1)Did Queen ever tour Thailand or Singapore?
ANSWER: They sure did. I have a rare bootleg of this concert, but refuse to share it.
2)What high school did Freddie Mercury go to? Where can I buy the yearbook for that school?
ANSWER: Freddie was school at P.S. 112 in Brooklyn, and in his yearbook, his nickname was "Mr. Farenheit". True story. I have a copy of this yearbook, but refuse to share it.
3)Did any Queen members like to shop at Wal-mart?
ANSWER: Oh, all the time. Freddie would often spend many months after American tours wandering the aisles with his assistants, picking out all the bargain items with a curious innocence in his eyes. He was also often late to soundchecks, muttering something about a stockboy and the back room or something. Incidentally, the others didn't shop there because of this very reason.
4)Where did Freddie Mercury park his car?
ANSWER: In any of his guests' carports, if you catch my drift.
5)Did Freddie Mercury ever go on vacations to Polynesia or Bosnia?
ANSWER: Yes, he once claimed Bosnia to be his favorite haunt.
6)Did any Queen members have glasses or braces?
ANSWER: John actually had braces on the 1984 tour, and his optometrist ordered him to wear a pair of National Health glasses. The afro didn't help, and John once claimed this to be the lowest point of his life and that he contemplated suicide.
7)Did Brian May buy his guitar at Sam Ash?
ANSWER: Yes, but not initially. His father and he built the Red Special in 1963, but Brian smashed it in an attempt to out-Pete Townshend Pete Townshend some time in 1967. Brian rushed to his local Sam Ash, not stopping to realize that such a store didn't exist in Britain, and bought an identical model. Brian cursed the fact that he spent 18 months on his own guitar when it was already readily available, and swore from that day forward that he would bore every interviewer with the same old story, not mentioning Sam Ash.
8)Do any Queen members like to play tennis? Lacrosse? Wrestling?
ANSWER: After gruelling concerts, the lads would retire to a professional tennis court (instead of partaking in the post-concert parties) and have at it on the court, but grew weary of the game after Freddie's repeated cries of "15-love, loves!" (Fun fact: 'Play The Game' was written after a particularly heated argument between Roger and Freddie, when Roger called tennis a "nancy boy's sport". The others started chanting for him to "play the game", as they needed a fourth person to complete the team. Roger ran away in tears as Freddie teased, "Don't play hard to get!")
9)Where can I find a copy of their album "A Kind of Magic"? They don't have it at Wal-Mart.
ANSWER: If Wal-Mart does not have the album, then the album does not exist. What is this "A Kind Of Magic" you speak of?
10)How come Freddie Mercury was gay?
ANSWER: The only real reason anyone is gay: spite.
11)How long did it take Freddie to draw the logo?
ANSWER: It was actually the cocaine residue left behind on a mirror.
12)Do Marshall Fields have any harlequin leotards like Freddie's? Are you sure?
ANSWER: Yes, and yes.
13)What were there favoruite TV shows?
ANSWER: They all liked to plop down in front of the boob tube for M*A*S*H, Bewitched, and I Dream Of Jeanie.
14)Did Freddie Mercury like to play On Assignment with Natn'l Geographic? Monopoly? Risk? Clue?
ANSWER: Don't be silly.
15)Did Freddie Mercury and Brian May ever guest star on an episode of "Small Wonder"? I recall them on that one episode.
ANSWER: The episode you're thinking of - "Hello, Viewer" - did in fact feature Freddie and Brian. Their script featured little other than both of them shaking their heads and muttering, "Why did we agree to this?"
16)Where is John these days? I haven't seen him for a while. I am concerned. He may be having a crisis.
ANSWER: John has been purported to have been