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Whisperer user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 31 Oct 05, 16:48 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I've known a girl for over a year now. We've spent LOTS of time together and we are very close to a relationship right now. I've been in love with her for a year, but she has just recently started to have very deep feelings towards me. I told her that I loved her in a very early stage of our friendship and she told me that she didn't want a relationship (back then).

During the time that we have been friends she has had two one night stands, which have of course hurt me a lot (even though I can't blame her, for she isn't my girlfriend). Today we talked about her latest one night stand, which occured many months ago. The discussion came to a point where she told me that she didn't remember whether the guy used a condom or not (she was very drunk and regrets the whole thing). I told her to go immediately to an AIDS test and get herself tested, even though the risk that she's got the virus is very very small.

A little background info. I've tried all my life to be a really "decent" person (no wild parties, no one night stands, nothing), while she has had one night stands and her reputation is not bad, but not that good either. I still love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So, now to the problem.

She said that she would go and get tested, but she wanted me to come with her. At this point I did something terrible and told her that it's her fuck up and I'm not going to go with her. My reasons were: 1. I was scared that someone would recognize me at the testing place and think that I'm the reason why she's there (I know, terrible reason, but my reputation would be ruined) 2. I was really angry at her that she had no plans of telling me that she might have had unsafe sex. The guy she was with has presumably had many partners and is a foreigner. So basically (even though I agree that I might over-react), she endangred my life with not having any plans of being tested. I say this because we are/were really close to becoming a couple and having sex.

Now I feel like a total asshole, because I feel that I let her down on a very dificult moment. I really think that there is no way to save our possible relationship or even friendship after what happened today.

I would appriciate your opinions and tips on what to do next. I really love this girl and I want to spend the rest of my life with her (when she has taken the test), but will she ever see me the same again?


Not those are losers who fall, but those who don't stand up.
Sherwood Forest user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 31 Oct 05, 17:00 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

well i dont think u should be telling us this i think you should tell her that. And since u guys rreally sound in love then shell forgive u if u tell her that how u sat through all those times with the one night stands and all and i think shell understand u were in a moment of frustration and scared for her life too. And if shes smart shell defiantly be forgiving and understand what happened- as long as u explain it properly to her and tell her the straight foward truth about what uve gone through in the past and now that shes at risk of having AIDS, its just that u care and u over reacted when u were scared for her.


One should ANALize the Poetry on page 43, when Oedipus is rollin' in his benzo and he has to bust a cap on some flagrants in the under city



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Whisperer user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 31 Oct 05, 17:17 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Thanks for your replies! That was quick ;-)

She knows what I've been through and she's been acting like an angel since that last one night stand.

Yes, I will go with her to the test. Now when I've calmed down a little, it feels like the only option (not even thinking about not going now).


Not those are losers who fall, but those who don't stand up.
Penetration_Guru user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 31 Oct 05, 18:05 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Reason 1 puts your reputation above her health.

Which makes you an utter bastard, especially as she's going at your insistence.

Plus it may be lost in translation, but it LOOKS as though you're saying that if she's positive, there's no relationship, which if true makes you scum.



Lester Burnham user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 31 Oct 05, 18:11 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

God forbid you be there for the girl you've loved in her time of need to protect your REPUTATION.

Suck it up and go with her - she needs you.

Haystacks Calhoun user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 31 Oct 05, 18:51 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

She sounds like a dainty little slut....

Go with her, then knock the bottom out of it.




"Not a fan of the ladies, are you Trebek?"



Sean Connery
Haystacks Calhoun user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 31 Oct 05, 18:51 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I say.




"Not a fan of the ladies, are you Trebek?"



Sean Connery
Lisser user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 31 Oct 05, 20:22 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I'm not sure of your age, I didn't look at your profile before I clicked reply. I wish you didn't say what you said to her. It is always a good thing to think before you speak, don't be impulsive. You can't ever take back what you say, not even with an apology. If I were her, I'd not speak to you anymore. I am a very stubborn person though. But for you to tell me, at a time when a huge amount of support is needed, to turn your back on me, that would be enough for me to never want to depend on you ever again. How could I have a relationship with you if I can't depend on you to be there for me in difficult times.

It is good that you've seen the error in your ways, but do not be surprised if she doesn't talk to you again. She also may have second thoughts before she enters in to a deeper commitment with you bc of your statements to her.

Good luck, I hope everything works out.


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Whisperer user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 01 Nov 05, 02:27 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Thanks again for your answers.

I know, I made a big mistake. I know that there's nothing o say in my defence, but I have asked this girl many times to come with me to various places (competetitions and stuff) as my friend and support me. Every time she has not came a long because "There are so many people I/we know, I don't want them to think that we're dating each other". Yes, what I said to her was impulsive and I kinda got my revenge on her for all those times she hasn't been by my side when I have needed her. I regret this terribly.

I guess this goes for both of us: "All the mistakes we made, must be faced again"


Not those are losers who fall, but those who don't stand up.
GreatKingSam user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 01 Nov 05, 07:40 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Revenge?

You've got to decide in yourself whether it is a selfish love that you have for her, and you only do things becuase you want to show her this and to try to prove to her and others that you feel this way, or whether it is a genuine love, where you always do the right thing, whether it is something you like or not, cuz if you truly love her, then so be it, its just the way it is. In my honest opinion, and even though it may hurt, love isn't something selfish and is something you feel and not something you can take.

Now, you can't take back what you have said, but you can move on past what you have said and support her. Firstly as a trusted friend, becuase at the moment, that is what you are. Everything else should come second until otherwise.

Whisperer user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 02 Nov 05, 15:59 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Everything's fine now. She went to the test and she will get the result next week. I wasn't there, but I am sure that it was fine with her. The reason why I wasn't there with her was none of the ones mentioned earlier.

It seems that this girl has fallen seriously for me, because she forgive's me for everything these days. There were times when I told her a joke that she didn't like and she wasn't talking to me during the rest of the day. Maybe she just feels bad for hurting me so many times. I wish though that this is love that she feels towards me, because i THINK that I love her (referring to Great king Sam's comment here).


Not those are losers who fall, but those who don't stand up.