I have many questions and many emotional needs as well.
1) Is Demetrius Barker your real name?
2) Why are you Demetrius and not Demitri, or something simpler?
3) Do you brush your teeth sideways or up and down? Do you floss as well?
4) Do you have any cats or dogs? How about fish? If so did you get the fish at Walmart?
5) Do you enjoy boxing, zip-lining, or waterskiing? Why?
6) Do you have a crush on Vicki from Small Wonder? Why or why not?
7) Do you spend your free time to write your ridiculous posts, or do you actually set aside more important things so that you can be emotionally satisfied?
8) Who is the president of Thailand?
9) Does your mother like you? Why not?
10) What do you want for Christmas? Why?
11) Do you believe in faeries? Why or why not?
12) Do you believe in ghosts? Have you met any ghosts at Walmart?
13) Paper or plastic?
14) "Ee-ther" or "Eye-ther"?
15) Cable, DSL, or dialup?
16) Is your diet based mostly on carbs, protein, or fat?
17) What ever happened to Tiffany Brissette?
18) Why haven't I seen Tiffany in any television shows or movies since the late 80's?
19) Coffee or tea?
20) Do you prefer blondes, brunettes, or redheads? Why?
21) How many fingers am I holding up?
22) Christian, buddhist, muslim, jewish, or atheist/Church of England?
23) What would you do if you were shopping at Walmart, and when reaching for a bag of Hostess ho-ho's you touched the similarly reaching hand of Tiffany Brissette from Small Wonder? Would you cry? Why or why not?
24) Why do you have such emotional needs?
25) How long do you think people will satisfy these needs here on QZ?
26) Do you know Sue Ann Taylor Mercury Lurex God Almighty... blah, blah, blah... Dutchess of Ballyratshire?
Please Respond Promptly.
Zoroaster the Grand and Magnificent