Here's a selection of some of the lines I've used recently, along with the outcomes. Some failures, I admit - but still plodding towards that evasive 1000th career mount...
Was your father a farmer, because you've grown some big mellons there?
:Result - Slapped in face, so threw my drink over her. Cried for hours when I got home - it was a double cognac.
Would you be my love buffet so you can lay on the table and I can eat what I want?
:Result - Flashy didn't go hungry that night. I got a pizza on the way home.
Is that a ladder in your tights or just the stairway to Heaven?
:Result - reached the top rung, but fishy aroma made me lose my footing.
They should have called you Rose , because you're the flower of my heart !
:Result - Turned out to be a feller - I really shouldn't mix the grape and the grain.
Well here I am. What are your other two wishes?
:Result - Caught the clap. Should have stuck to rubbing my own lamp that night
How about lifting the restraining order?
:Result - Fined £250.
My life is the alphabet the only thing missing is U.
:Result - She was dyslexic. Her brother beat me up on the way home.
If you love me like you told me please be careful with my heart - you can take it, just don't break it, or my world will fall apart.
:Result - She didn't speak a word of English, so next day I reported her to the immigration authorities.
If a kiss was a raindrop I'd send you showers. If a hug was a second I'd send you hours. If a smile was water I'd send you a sea. If love was a person I'd send you me!
:Result - 1-0 to the master! If they show footage on 'Crimewatch' of someone's bare arse going like a bee's wing in the doorway of Morecambe's general Post Office, you can tell your pals you know the owner of those pert cheeks. And there was absolutely nothing indecent about my exposure.
FLASHMAN STRIKES AGAIN!
Paul Rodgers is not the best thing since fried Fred.