We seem to be suffering from a lot of either mundane or perverted threads (see Roger's genetalia, etc.) so here's one from me. If each member of Queen had chosen to engage in criminal activity instead of music, to the point of being an underworld figure, what would each have been known for. You can make up their gangster nicknames too, if you like.
"Freddie The Queer" - Originally from Feltham, via India, and having developed a very Bohemian set of values early in life, Freddie began as a low-level pimp in Middlesex. He quickly rose through his own ingenuity to be one of the most influential "madames" in London, buying a large Edwardian house in Logan Mews. Known as Garden Lodge by its regular "patrons", Freddie cleverly dubbed it "The Hoare House", having bought it from the Hoare banking family. Catering to the elite gentlemen of British society, Freddie's girls (and boys) were the best to be had. His clientel, in exchange for perpetual anonymity, made sure he wasn't bothered by the local constabulary. Sadly, Freddie perished in 1991 in a terrible crash, having attempted for the first time in his life to drive his Rolls Royce to the top of the driveway for the mail.
Mugshot from early days in Feltham: http://www.queenzone.com/queenzone/mp3.aspx?Q=11440
"Manic May" - His quiet demeanor and soft spoken exterior betrayed a mean streak a mile wide. One of the most feared hitmen in London, his calling card was a sixpence piece left wedged between the top incisors of his victims
May with remains of unidentified victim: http://www.queenzone.com/queenzone/mp3.aspx?Q=11719
"Pretty Boy Taylor" - A high-rolling suave player, Taylor made his fortunes in diamond smuggling. Playing on his good looks, he had dozens of young ladies at any given time willing to act as mules in his operation. Never seen indoors or out without sunglasses, it was widely rumored that one of his eyes had been gouged out in a knife fight with a rival dealer.
Police surveillance photo: http://www.queenzone.com/queenzone/mp3.aspx?Q=11004
"John Deacon" - a failed electrician, Mr. Deacon was taken into custody for trying to pass bad cheques. He was sentenced to 2 years less a day in a medium-security prison. His cell-mate, "Bruno" has stated that he was well behaved and "spread like butter".
From Bruno's personal collection: http://www.queenzone.com/queenzone/mp3.aspx?Q=7156
Thank you, God bless you, sweet dreams you lot of tarts, Good-bye!