Forums > Personal > Camera up your arse

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Flashman user not visiting Queenzone.com
Flashman
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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 09:22 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

After a recent bout of sickness, it appears I must have a camera inserted to check my colon, which they tell me is the cause of my malaise.

A young oriental female doctor was kind enough to pop her finger up my bum – whether she sniffed it or not afterwards I couldn’t say, for my eyes were still tightly shut and my head still in a daze. What you poofters see in it, I’ll never know. I certainly couldn’t have accepted anything much larger than a finger. You must all get blind drunk before battle commences – your heads would need to be as well-oiled as your arseholes. Christ, I don’t know how you derive any sort of pleasure from that kind of business – it’s no bloody wonder you all mince about on your tippy-toes all day, you’re still recovering from your first ever joust.

I presume they’ll be going in via the exit wound. Please God, let it be smaller than that lass’s finger! Never mind sedation – they’ll need six burly fellows just to pin me down. I know one chap who had to have a camera down his wotsit, if you’ll believe me. Oh Lord, don’t let it be down my wotsit! It’s so precious to me! We’ve been through a lot of women together.

So, have you ever had a camera up your arse? Is it simply a case of ‘one up the bum, no harm done’, or is it far, far worse than I can possibly imagine?

Please, be graphic if you must, I’m sat down. While I still can.



FLASHMAN STRIKES AGAIN!



Paul Rodgers is not the best thing since fried Fred.
Banquo user not visiting Queenzone.com
Banquo
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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 09:50 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Had a camara inside my knee once. Looking at the inside of your kneecap was very disconcerting.

Still plays up when the weather's bad, but for 32 I don't do that bad.


Guess who's back?
Jjeroen user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 09:56 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I'd almost shouted 'WO IST DAS KAMERAAAAAHHHH!?' ;-)))

But no, I won't make fun of such an unpleasant operation... All the best Flashman!!

Flashman user not visiting Queenzone.com
Flashman
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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 10:21 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/examinations/sigmoidoscopy.htm

A metal tube, rot you! 23cm into my intestines, hang it all!

That settles it - I'll be swimming in so much brandy by the time I get there, they could park a bus up my arse and I'll be none the wiser.


FLASHMAN STRIKES AGAIN!



Paul Rodgers is not the best thing since fried Fred.
Flashman user not visiting Queenzone.com
Flashman
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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 12:28 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I can't understand why I, of all people, should suffer from this particular malady.

As everyone knows - God made me a perfect arsehole.


FLASHMAN STRIKES AGAIN!



Paul Rodgers is not the best thing since fried Fred.
Brian_Mays_Wig user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 12:33 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

My eyes are watering. Still, nice to see you back!


Chom own mudder fukker.
Thanks user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 13:04 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

After all those years of giving, it's time to take.

Just remember - there's always time for lubrication.

-luke_taylor- 28432 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 13:11 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Lol sick, eewww, i feel sorry for ya, but glad its not me, but im sure you could handle it i mean if a gay has a dick up his arse for fun lol, u might like it could be an experience for ya


purples a fruit
YourValentine user not visiting Queenzone.com
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YourValentine
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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 13:40 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Just in case this is serious...

Do not have anyone perform such an examination without a sedative. In my country the doctor has to explain the procedure/risks to you and you have to sign a 5 page paper to confirm that you are aware of all aspects of the procedure.

The sedative will make you semi unconscious, so there is no anxiety and no pain. Do not let anyone insert anything into your body without such a sedative. If the doctor thinks it's unnecessary, he has probably the nature of a butcher and will treat you like this. Find someone else, preferably Barry's doctor.


I do not want any google ads here.

Queenleaf user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 13:53 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Oh dear I laughed so much! I shouldn't - it sounds painful! Flashy's just so entertaining!


Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it.

-Sir Thomas Beecham to a lady cellist
-luke_taylor- 28432 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 15:46 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

<font color=FF0099>Linda Of The Valley wrote:

Queenleaf wrote:

Oh dear I laughed so much! I shouldn't - it sounds painful! Flashy's just so entertaining!


It's not a joke, though!


oops someone made a mistake


purples a fruit
carboengine user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 16:10 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I am unfortunately of the age group where this lovely procedure is recommended every so many years, so I had it done. I was super-hysterical prior, and as they do for everyone, they put an intravenous needle in, put me to "sleep", and then gave me something IV to "wake" me up, and I was not groggy afterwards. Rats! I missed the whole show which, if I had been awake, I could have watched on their "tv" screen. I saw just a minute or two at the beginning. It looked like a wild ride on the rollercoaster colon. Up. Down. Around the curve. Raise your hands up over your head and scream! The night-before prep, however, is by faaaaaaaaaar worse. How one little bottle of laxative can cause such a great and continous explosion is beyond me. Oh, poor Flashman, just seat-belt yourself to the toilet all night and let 'er rip. Do let us know how everything turns out. Well, maybe not everything. I am sure your rendition will be highly entertaining!


Yes, it was a worthwhile experience.
brENsKi user not visiting Queenzone.com
How shall we f**k off, Oh Lord
brENsKi
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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 16:40 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Flashman wrote:


So, have you ever had a camera up your arse? Is it simply a case of ‘one up the bum, no harm done’, or is it far, far worse than I can possibly imagine?

Please, be graphic if you must, I’m sat down. While I still can.


depends if the camera and sound crew are still attached when it goes in
and whether they are shitting (sorry shooting) widescreen or 4x3


go deo na hÉireann
Brimon user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 16:57 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

While you're in there, it might be worth asking them if they'll give your teeth the once over.

I only mention it because someone once said you talked out of your arse.

blerp user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 17:01 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

This is exactly why I will never become a doctor.


I'm so pissed I could spit.
jcrawford79 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 18:08 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Flashman wrote:



So, have you ever had a camera up your arse? Is it simply a case of ‘one up the bum, no harm done’, or is it far, far worse than I can possibly imagine?



I've had a colonoscopy and a EGD. There's nothing to it. They give some Valium or Versed IV before the procedure and then they wake you up when its done. Besides, the diameter of the endoscope is very, very small. The only unpleasant part of the whole ordeal is the night before with the mag citrate or whatever laxative they prefer to use. Makes for a very restless night.

Queenleaf user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 15 Jan 06, 22:46 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

<font color=FF0099>Linda Of The Valley wrote:

Queenleaf wrote:

Oh dear I laughed so much! I shouldn't - it sounds painful! Flashy's just so entertaining!


It's not a joke, though!


no no hun I know it isn't that's why I said I shouldn't. i only ment that Flashman is entertaining about the most dismal topics!


Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it.

-Sir Thomas Beecham to a lady cellist
Togg user not visiting Queenzone.com
Togg
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Posted: 16 Jan 06, 07:00 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Sounds like it's time to take one for Queen and country Flashman! now which Queen is up to you!

Hope it goes well, I understand the first three or four times it can smart a little, after that it should slip right on in without any bother.

On a serious note, well worth getting it over with don't leave it too late otherwise believe me it can be a LOT worse!

All the best


"It is better to sit in silence and have people think you're a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt"
Mayboy user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 16 Jan 06, 07:38 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

LOL that post definately helped my afternoon at college

Best of luck with it all dear Flashy im sure it will be over as soon as u know it ;-)

All the best


"I'm going up Buchanan Street

With a box of fireworks

And two bottles of

Tizer"

Lisser user not visiting Queenzone.com
Lisser
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Posted: 16 Jan 06, 09:20 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Get well wishes from Lisser!!!!

:)


Wo ist das kamerahhhhhhhhhhh!!!



NJ!!!