Funny how the advancing years affect you, and I ain't talking about bowel control. I'm sure you've heard enough about the goings on in my guts lately. They're still exploding, y'know - but it's more to do with the usual things like blind panic when there's tax to settle, or old scores, rather than any real medical worries at the moment. A camera up my arse at 32 - it's all downhill from here.
Anyroad, it's strange how when you get older, the things you used to really detest in life, actually don't seem too bad - or now you actually enjoy 'em.
I remember in the mid 80s watching Dire Straits become the biggest band in the world, if only for a month or two, and thinking 'If ever I get my hands on those Geordie wassocks, I'll throttle 'em purple with their bloody headbands. They're shit, they are.'
But once you hit 30, it's a proven fact that you find it physically impossible not to thrash your favourite air guitar about the shop whenever you hear 'Money For Nothing' on the radio. In drink, I've even been known to pop a tie around my forehead and crank the volume up to 11 whenever I hear those chords.
But even more frightening than this is my sudden appreciation for a band called The Proclaimers. I can't believe it's almost 20 years since I first saw them on Top Of The Pops and hollered "Turn those bastards off! Speccy-eyed, Scottish streaks of piss. I've never seen such rubbish!"
And guess what? Last week, I bought their Greatest Hits, and 'Sunshine On Leith' has barely been off full blast ever since. We even had complaints from the neighbours, and the nearest ones are almost a quarter of a mile away. Fuck 'em.
So what do you suddenly like these days that you used to hate? Maybe it's a group, a food, a TV programme. Maybe it's a poster on this forum. Maybe it's me.
If so, let me take this opportunity to say that you are a blob of diarrhoea on God's toilet bowl of life.
And I'm a bottle of 'Domestos'.
FLASHMAN STRIKES AGAIN!
Paul Rodgers is not the best thing since fried Fred.