Forums > Personal > Grammar check, please

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teleport8 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 09 Feb 06, 03:41 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Hello,
I'm looking for somebody who is more proficient in English than I am who could check whether there are any serious grammar mistakes in the lyrics to this song (it's about a car):
http://teleport_8.tripod.com/kingdom.wma
(I think this link only works if copied into the browser's address bar)
Thank you very much!
marco

Bohardy user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 09 Feb 06, 07:09 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Couldn't you just post the lyrics?


Gullibility and credulity are considered undesirable qualities in every department of human life -- except religion.
teleport8 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 09 Feb 06, 08:58 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

The screen shots are from the game Australian train simulation game "Trainz" from the Australian company Auran (www.auran.com). You can download my routes on their website under the name "teleport_8".



Lisser user not visiting Queenzone.com
Lisser
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Posted: 09 Feb 06, 10:29 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Link doesn't work for me either.


Wo ist das kamerahhhhhhhhhhh!!!



NJ!!!























teleport8 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 09 Feb 06, 11:58 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

It doesn't work if you click it but only if you (or at least I) copy it into the location bar of the browser. I think tripod does not like such links from outside.


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Bohemian: 615 posts
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Posted: 09 Feb 06, 16:20 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Sorry, I'm not downloading the song to listen to it, transcribe the lyrics, check & correct the gramaar.

You do half (post the lyrics here), I'll do the rest.

teleport8 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 09 Feb 06, 16:51 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Hello Thanks from Albania, here comes my part. Best wishes



A kingdom for a ride
====================
It's been so long ago that I first so you
Your red hot look capitvated me
And my mind was blown away when I learnt
About your intrinsic values, price tag, and mileage
But someday - I hope - I'll return as a rich man
And you will be mine

All my kingdom for this ride
It would surely make my day
If I had a wish for free
Right away I'd pick you up
And cherish you forever
Even if you get rusty

I just can't bear the fact that you're with another man now
What does he have that I can't offer (apart from the money)?
My jealousy is driving me mad
I try to spot you on the road
I'm still longing, needing, searching, and seeking
But someday - I hope - I'll be lucky and get you on ebay for good




teleport8 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 10 Feb 06, 03:44 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

This link should work better:
http://teleport_8.tripod.com/kingdom.html

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Bohemian: 615 posts
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Posted: 10 Feb 06, 13:33 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

It's been so long ago that I first SAW you
Your red hot look capTIvated me
And my mind was blown away when I learnt
About your intrinsic values, price tag, and mileage
But someday - I hope - I'll return as a rich man
And you will be mine

All my kingdom for this ride
It would surely make my day
If I had a wish for free
Right away I'd pick you up
And cherish you forever
Even if you get rusty

I just can't bear the fact that you're with another man now
What does he have that I can't offer (apart from the money)?
My jealousy is driving me mad
I try to spot you on the road
I'm still longing, needing, searching, and seeking
But someday - I hope - I'll be lucky and get you on ebay for good.

Nothing wrong grammatically or spelling wise other than what I changed.

I make no comment on the actual content...


teleport8 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 10 Feb 06, 15:45 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Thanks Thanks :)