What's the largest object you have inserted into your ear?
A baked bean
How many times a day do you use the word "rhubarb"?
When was the last time you saw a dog turd with a lolly stick poking out of it?
Twenty minutes ago
Are you sexually aroused by the theme tune to Coronation Street?
Don't know it, but probably
Have you ever killed anyone using only your thumbs?
What's the furthest you have ever thrown an elderly relative?
How long can you hold your breath for?
Which of the following sticky substances would you rather be immersed in? Golden Syrup or treacle.
How much Dundee cake can you eat without needing a glass of water?
3.5 metres (16 pints)
Can you bite your own toenails?
Would you bite mine?
Why isn't Keith Chegwin the head of the Metropolitan Police Force?
Because Sir Ian Blair is
Is it just me, or is this lump on my neck getting bigger?
No, I think it is getting bigger
Can you speak up? I'm a little hard of hearing.
YES, I CAN
Why can't geese play Kerplunk?
Have you ever fantasised about lesbian sex with 2 men?
I have now
Where the fuck is my Pink Floyd mug?
On the mug tree or in the fridge
Thanks, fatty, hilarious as ever.
This can't end well.