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Munchsack user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 20 Feb 06, 13:17 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote


Because so many of you (well, QOW and Ravenetta) have requested my novel to be posted on QZ, here is the first chapter. I would love some opinions (even if they are negative, as long as they are constructive). Enjoy!
http://munchsacksnovel.queenzone.com/


This can't end well.
That guy who digs energy domes user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 20 Feb 06, 13:20 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Yeah, all right! Ill read it soon. Now, about that interesting wednesday?! Youre 2 behind!


Freedom of choice is what you've got

Freedom from choice is what you want



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Munchsack user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 20 Feb 06, 13:21 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote


You're never satisfied, are you?


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flash! 28068 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 20 Feb 06, 13:23 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Could you do an autographed copy for us??


"It’s not often we play in daylight, and I fucking well wish we did before, I can see you all now. And there are some beauties here tonight, I can tell you!" ;)
Munchsack user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 20 Feb 06, 14:06 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote


This is all well and good, but still no feedback.


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flash! 28068 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 20 Feb 06, 14:35 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

After reading the first chapter, i do feel it has some suspense to build hopefully within the next chapter.
I like the way you make a kind of 'cliff-hanger' at the end so its much more of an attraction to readers and sets a desire to read to the next chapter.
Hopefully, in the next chapter, you've described this 'parallel universe' abit more but i do like the way you haven't gone into that aspect in depth so this can create a element of arousing mystery.
I think its quite fab so far, for someone of 15!


"It’s not often we play in daylight, and I fucking well wish we did before, I can see you all now. And there are some beauties here tonight, I can tell you!" ;)
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Posted: 20 Feb 06, 14:43 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote


Thanks, Flash! I appreciate you taking the time to read it and tell me what you thought and I am also pleased you like it. Will post next chapter soon. Until then, just that cliffhanger.


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flash! 28068 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 20 Feb 06, 14:45 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Munchsack wrote:


Thanks, Flash! I appreciate you taking the time to read it and tell me what you thought and I am also pleased you like it. Will post next chapter soon. Until then, just that cliffhanger.


You're welcome, dear!
*hangs on cliff* Do hurry though, i don't think i can hang on much longer before i plunge onto the jagged rocks and shatter my spine! Ouch.


"It’s not often we play in daylight, and I fucking well wish we did before, I can see you all now. And there are some beauties here tonight, I can tell you!" ;)
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Posted: 20 Feb 06, 15:00 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote


They all get sucked into a parallel universe and are killed by the sudden pressure change.
THE END


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flash! 28068 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 20 Feb 06, 15:38 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Munchsack wrote:


They all get sucked into a parallel universe and are killed by the sudden pressure change.
THE END


Great! Always put a death in a weird novel!


"It’s not often we play in daylight, and I fucking well wish we did before, I can see you all now. And there are some beauties here tonight, I can tell you!" ;)
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Posted: 21 Feb 06, 08:30 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote


See above, ending spoiled.
No, probably next week if I can write the whole thing in time.


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Munchsack user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 27 Feb 06, 11:32 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote


Sorry it hasn't been updated yet, was supposed to be today. Haven't had time. Sorry.


This can't end well.