A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
"Normally i can't dance to save my life.
But as soon as I step in dog shit, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson."