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its_a_hard_life 26994 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 29 Oct 06, 20:13 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

That. Was. Fucking. Amazing.

Hello? Talented poet here?!

Wow.

AspiringPhilosophe user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 29 Oct 06, 20:15 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Excellent! I wish I could write poetry like that!


Formerly MHG
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Posted: 30 Oct 06, 01:43 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

<font color=dark red>WhiteQueen wrote:

You came along and whisked me off my feet,
But you also took my heart and filled it with deceit.
You thought I was someone who you could mess around,
That I was only someone, who never stood out from the crowd.

I knew in the back of my mind that this was what you were,
But I didn’t want to know, that you truly didn’t care.
Instead I kept loving you more and more each day,
Trying to push my thoughts more and more away.

You came along and messed me around,
But I hit back by standing out from the crowd.
You never thought I could live without your affection,
And it just showed you, you were looking at your reflection.

I now know that I have the spirit to keep fighting,
As love can be great and fulfilling, but also extremely frightening.
I had to power to say no to you and your evil,
Which made me happy, as it was your upheaval.

I posted this on another site,but I thought Id share it with you guys and see what you guys thought.Maybe a few others can post there stuff too,enjoy =)


White-Queen that was a very good poem! I write poetry from time to time, but its very hard for me to clear my mind and write, since I'm somewhat busy all the time :(

Keep writing!


Loving the pass, cherishing the present, and looking forward to the future

blerp user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 30 Oct 06, 12:26 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Here is my poem about me eating Thing 1 and Thing 2, and Dr. Seuss scolding me.

'You cannot go eating my friends!
They were supposed to be my assistants till the very end!
I hope you will fry, I hope you will cry,
In the remorse of the course of eating my friends!'

Yep. I'm going to start writing morbid childrens' books. My pen name will be either Doctor Zeus, or Dr Sues.


I'm so pissed I could spit.
Mr.Jingles user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 30 Oct 06, 12:29 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

This should be a song... don't keep it as a poem.


[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Brandon wrote: [/QUOTENAME]... and now the "best you can offer is Mr. Jingles? HA! He's... just pathetic.[/QUOTE]
its_a_hard_life 26994 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 30 Oct 06, 13:13 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

<font color="#33FFFF">Capt'JessicaSparow wrote:

THE FAT CAT SAT ON THE MAT!
:)


LMAO... I'm exactly like that too.

its_a_hard_life 26994 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 16:12 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Metal Head wrote:

Did you notice my last three lines? Don't kill me for it!


It's A Hard Life.... YOU STOLE MY NAME! Time to pay...

;)

thomasquinn 32989 user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 16:13 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Considering the amount of syllables and the natural rhythm, you should really make it four lines a stanza. And I'd rephrase it a little to increase the natural flow of words (every syllable helps imply a rhythm). Other than that, it's not at all bad.

But those borrowed lines, don't do that. You can do quite well without them, I'm sure. Anyway, they really stick out like a soar thumb. The style is so completely different from the rest.


Not Plutus but Apollo rules Parnassus

mircal user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 07 Nov 06, 21:35 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

<font color=dark red>WhiteQueen wrote:

You came along and whisked me off my feet,
But you also took my heart and filled it with deceit.
You thought I was someone who you could mess around,
That I was only someone, who never stood out from the crowd.

I knew in the back of my mind that this was what you were,
But I didn’t want to know, that you truly didn’t care.
Instead I kept loving you more and more each day,
Trying to push my thoughts more and more away.

You came along and messed me around,
But I hit back by standing out from the crowd.
You never thought I could live without your affection,
And it just showed you, you were looking at your reflection.

I now know that I have the spirit to keep fighting,
As love can be great and fulfilling, but also extremely frightening.
I had to power to say no to you and your evil,
Which made me happy, as it was your upheaval.

I posted this on another site,but I thought Id share it with you guys and see what you guys thought.Maybe a few others can post there stuff too,enjoy =)



If you could take any queen song and replace it with those lyrics what song would it be???

blerp user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 07 Nov 06, 21:41 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Who Needs You! or Nevermore!

Oops, not my question.


I'm so pissed I could spit.
mircal user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 07 Nov 06, 21:47 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

<font color=>LadyMercury wrote:

Who Needs You! or Nevermore!

Oops, not my question.


LOL, thats cool, I think nevermore would be good, maybe show must go on

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Posted: 08 Nov 06, 09:52 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

<font color=dark red>WhiteQueen wrote:

hmm is that a good or bad thing?I never thought of it as lyrics,just a poem but people seem to think differ!does it work better as lyrics then a poem?


Leave it as a poem... there's no need for music or change it into lyric when you want to write and express feelings.

Nice poem.


Life Is A Bitch...

its_a_hard_life 26994 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 09 Dec 06, 21:00 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Everyone's life is a picture,
Painted by only one person,

Life itself.
The picture shows everything you're doing,

And everything you have done.
But sometimes, Life gets tired.

And doesn't want to paint a picture.
So, Life sends problems to stop you,

If you give up, your picture is finished.
If you keep going, so does your picture.

So the question is:
How soon do you want to see your picture?

Do you want to see it now?
When it could be so much more?

Or later, when there's so much more than before?
It's your choice,

I'll keep going.