Forums > Personal > STOP PRESS... THIEF FOUND IN QUEEN ARCHIVE

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Queen Archivist user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 11:36 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Hey Moanzoners… you’re never gonna flipping believe what just happened in the Queen archive room!!!!!!!!

I nipped out for a healthy BEETROOT-U-LIKE lunch, up the road, and locked up the 9 padlocks behind me, but when I got back there was a person in the archive going through the tapes and making copious notes into a recording device. I was stunned. Here’s how it went down, fans….

Me: “Hey there strange person in the Queen archive – who the hell are you?”

Him: “Errr… fiiiiii….. bloooo….. och! Aye?”

Me: “Stop your nervous stuttering. What the hell do you think you’re doing there boy – with that precious analogue master tape under your coat?”

Him (with strange accent): “Och now! I’m going through the wee Day At The Races slave and master tapes, and the safety copies, and writing down everything that’s written on the wee boxes.”

Me: “Wee, tapes. Och, now….. Wait a minute, are you of Scottish origins?”

Him: “I am, aye. Och yes, lassie.”

Me (detective-like): “WAIT A MINUTE…. Are you the Scottish Queen expert and much respected member of Queenzone…. The much respected member of Queenzone known as John Stuart?”

Him: “Aye lad, tiz me. Aye Greg you are right.”

Me: “Caught you red handed, you much respected pilferer of Queen facts written on archive items not open to the public.”

Him (looking toward the door): “I errrrrrr, got lost on the way to, errrr, Bradford, and I accidentally fell into this Queen room.”

Me: “DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT BOLTING FOR THE DOOR…. you much respected member of Queenzone, but nevertheless Queen data stealing person – with dubious dress sense and argumentative annoying irritating tone.”

Him: “Don’t call the Bobbies nor nothing, aye Greg? Och nooooooo.”

Me: “John… you have been caught, RED HANDED, with your fingers in the Queen Archive.”

Him: “But…….”

Me: “No buts, John. You might be a much respected member of Queenzone, but now everybody is going to know exactly how you found out the endless and infinite Queen things you know, you robbing beast!”

Him: “But…. I’m a much respected blab la bla, and more of that jazz. You know I am. Barbara YourValentine said I am. I’m a much more respected member of Queenzone than you are. They all love me there.”

Me: “John… ANYONE is a much more respected member of Queenzone than me. JACK THE RIPPER is, that bloke who presents Family Fortunes… him too.”

Him: “EVERYONE hates you, you dust-covered conscientious but loathed archiving chap.”

Me: “Yeah, alright son. Steady. I’ve got feelings too.”

Him: “Och, the wee Queenzoners think I’m a highlands God.”

Me: “More fool them, you vile stealer of information pertaining to secret Queen tapes stored at a secret location. How on earth did you find this place?”

Him: “I’ll never talk. Never. I’ll die first. You’ll never get that out me Queen Archivist. My lips are shut tighter than something shut extremely tight.”

Me: “I’ll tell Young-Twat-Man, Lester Burnham, Mike Preston, Poppy, Togg and the others, that you get your data by robbing it… like a common burgler.”

Him: “OK. You’ve broken me, you cunning Queen Archivist. I followed Brian May here one day. Then, when he went for a sandwich, I made my move. I’ve been living in the air conditioning air ducts ever since.”

Me: “So it was you that ate the boxes from the Live Killers tour?”

Him: “A man has to eat, Greg.”

Me: “They were precious boxes, John.”

Him: “Och, I’m sorry.”

Me: “And the Bohemian Rhapsody and Sweet Lady tracksheets?”

Him: “Last Sunday’s desert.”

Me: “And the White Queen out-takes slave?”

Him: “Monday’s starter. And the rest of it I had for a snack on Tuesday.”

Me: “Jesus!!!!”

Him: “yes I ate that box too.”

Me: “What?”

Him: “The Jesus master box, and tracksheet, from the 1972 Trident sessions.”

Me: “Jesus, John, not the Jesus box. Jesus!”

Him: “Och. Apologies. My sandwiches ran out months ago.”

Me: “Much respected member of Queenzone, my arse! Wait til Ba


GB
MDNA user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 11:53 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

This could actualy be funny... If it didn't come from you.

The Fairy King user not visiting Queenzone.com
The Fairy King
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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 12:02 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

MDNA wrote:

This could actualy be funny... If it didn't come from you.


I second that.


Killed by drones.
Serry... user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 12:18 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Greg Vs John is the QZ Sideshow Bob Vs Bart Simpson case.

WilliamFraser user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 12:25 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Greg you are a BULLY and stupid.Only a pure taotal coward would start a thread like this. and that mkes you a bully. Also if you were anyone else you would of been band ages ago. But becos you think you are some god almihty archivist you think you can get away with it because the arselikers in here think you might answer some questions. but you wont.and they let you of with it.

Let me tell you this boy I dont give a flying fig who you are. youre manners are a disgrace, you are a coward and a bully and a spammer and if you are the face of queen then queen suck balls big time.Look at me i'm greg brooks im the archivist. no you are a parasite becos you are not even part of the band. You did nothing original eather.

I tell the truth. you are a fudman. Go get a real job and stop posting hate male. Someone should report you to the polis for your hate mail as that is a crime. and this is evidence. I am going to post this to brain may as he will be shocked that you treat fans like piss. Well piss on you greggy boy.Yes i can not spell. but my point is true. You are a fanny and i would tell you that to both your faces. a bullying, arogant, stupid fanny.

People here do not like you. they put up with you. but i wont. so go start crying and write a new thread about me. tosser.


Freya is quietly judging you. user not visiting Queenzone.com
Meh.
Freya is quietly judging you.
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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 12:26 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

<b><font color="#FF1493">The Fairy King wrote:

MDNA wrote:

This could actualy be funny... If it didn't come from you.


I second that.

I third it.

Queen Archivist user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 12:42 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I fourth it.

Coz I've got no imagination either, or anything to say that requires some creativity.

I fifth it too.

Come on QZ, say something sharp or cutting or funny or imaginative. Any of the above would be much welcome and overdue. Come on Poppy. Less stroppy, more copy.


GB
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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 12:58 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Greg, you know I'm a fan, yes?
(Or did you miss the 'who makes you laugh'-topic?)

Well, this could become good. Realy.
But maybe it is a bit too long. In Germany they say in der beschranking zeigt sich der meister. (I probably wrote that wrong, but I'm sure the Germans in here will correct me - I'm only a humble lovable Dutchman...)
(You can recognise the master because he is the one that knows how to limit himself).

As a fellow writer, I suggest you cut some stuff from the beginning. The build-up to the climax (which correctly is at 2/3!) would be more efficient.

About the Roger quotes. Yes, it is a nice try. But as a critic I would have to say they are a bit clich'e. I think we all know Queen fans that talk like this 24/7.
If you want to make it REALY funny - you have overdo some stuff. A lot of Queenfans actually ARE this simple, so I think you have to think of something stronger.

Also, I think -don't get me wrong, this is meant to be positive critic- the form of the story is not quite right. You haven't fully made the form of dialoque yours.

I think your strongest points still are monologues anyway.
But do keep on practising!

Oh, and maybe you should throw in the Hangman acetate somewhere?

Cheers, mate!

Donna13 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 13:03 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

“EVERYONE hates you, you dust-covered conscientious but loathed archiving chap.”

Dust-covered? Mmmm.

David Jones user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 13:04 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Prick.


"Freddie would have loved it" - Brian May
The Fake Greg Brooks user not visiting Queenzone.com
The Fake Greg Brooks
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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 13:08 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

That's not how it happened at all.

Details are missing. Facts, Greg! You're leaving out the facts. There is no proof that it was John Stuart at all.

The intruder was:

1. Wearing a "Scream" halloween mask and a pair of Queen Boxer shorts from Walmart, WITH the tags still on them.

2. Short. Much shorter than GB. And apparently very agile. Reminded me of that little short piano playing dude on the movie The Island Of Dr. Moreau.

3. Possibly NOT scottish. GB had infact, been watching the "Director's Cut" of Braveheart while drinking shots of Rumplemints earlier. It's possible the scottish accent was coming from GB. At one point he DID tell said intruder that "he'll never take away our Freedom!!!" AND GB was wearing a kilt at the time.

4. driving a Ford Pinto. I know for a FACT that John Stuart sold his Ford Pinto years ago. I bought it from him. Son of a bitch must have had quite a party in the back seat, because the reupholstering was messy. AND NO LOOSE CHANGE???

5. sporting a fifth grade vocabulary. Some of those words were just TOO much for him to handle.

6. kicked outta his momma's house the night before. The blue blanket, beach towel, vaseline, and empty lunchbox were a clear giveaway.

So before you throw John Stuart under the bus, maybe you should put those facts together first.

Shops at Walmart - the queen shorts
Short and 'Weasley' - Dr. Moreau's buddy
Not scottish -
Driving a crappy car - the pinto
Childish - the vocab
lives with momma - the blanket and lunchbox
single - the beach towel and vaseline

IT WAS YOUNG STRAT MAN!!!!!


Micrówave user not visiting Queenzone.com
Delilah, on Medium Power
Micrówave
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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 13:30 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

WilliamFraser wrote:


I tell the truth. you are a fudman.

There it is again!

Raf user not visiting Queenzone.com
Stop this noise!
Raf
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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 13:43 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I pity you.


We got the Cosmos rockin'!

We got the Cosmos rockin'!

We got the Universe rockin'!

We got the Cosmos rockin'!

We got the Cosmos rockin' to the mighty power of rock'n'roll!
M a t i a s M a y user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 13:45 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

xDDDDDDDD

Greg for king of the world


...End of the Beginning...



My Mystical Flog ---> http://www.fotolog.com/woodywoodbecker



A Clockwork World, my blog ---> http://aclockworkworld.blogspot.com
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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 13:48 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

<b><font color=009966>?Poppy? wrote:

<b><font color="#FF1493">The Fairy King wrote:

MDNA wrote:

This could actualy be funny... If it didn't come from you.


I second that.

I third it.


I fourth that.

3 + 1 = 4

Eh.

Donna13 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 14:29 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Proposal for Scene Two:

YV arrives by motorcycle (driven by Brad Pitt). The power duo tumble into the archives, snatch John by his arms and (before the dusty Greg can react) - whoosh - into a van - that speeds towards a secret location. John Deacon is seen in his smoking jacket (but you can't see his face). "Let them in."

Greg is left behind with the dust and a few finger prints from Brad Pitt.

Megamike The GREAT user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 14:38 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Greg, if you are ever in need of someone to torture him.. OHhhhhh call me.. I would do it for free.. I have some REALLY mean and horrible ideas... even if he was innocent I can make him talk...


My Brothers and Sisters all hated me 'cause I was an only child...

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I gave up on books when 'To Kill A Mockingbird' gave me no useful advice on how to kill a mockingbird.
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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 14:46 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Donna13 wrote:



YV arrives by motorcycle (driven by Brad Pitt)


LOL - I can actually picture that! :-)))

***Marial-B*** user not visiting Queenzone.com
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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 15:16 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

***God*** wrote:

<b><font color=009966>?Poppy? wrote:

<b><font color="#FF1493">The Fairy King wrote:

MDNA wrote:

This could actualy be funny... If it didn't come from you.


I second that.

I third it.


I fourth that.

3 + 1 = 4

Eh.


Meh, 4 + 1 = 5


Barcelona, October 22nd 2008
Donna13 user not visiting Queenzone.com

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Posted: 03 Nov 06, 16:21 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

jeroen wrote:

Donna13 wrote:



YV arrives by motorcycle (driven by Brad Pitt)


LOL - I can actually picture that! :-)))


Haha.