Forums > Personal > the corny jokes thread

forum rss feed
Author

eenaweena. user not visiting Queenzone.com
eenaweena.
Deity: 2355 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 19 Dec 06, 07:37 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

you guys can post corny joke here, if you just want to laugh, or if you're very bored, or if you wanna share your jokes. i'll start.

tenacious - shoes you use for tennis

cattle - where the princes and princesses live

devastation - where you ride the bus

statue - is that you?

tissue - it is you!

(i'm not racist, okay!)
what do you use to blindfold a chinese man?
dental floss.



The Fairy King user not visiting Queenzone.com
The Fairy King
Deity: 8686 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 19 Dec 06, 07:50 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

invu - i envy you <3


Killed by drones.
Eviltwin user not visiting Queenzone.com
My Display Message
Eviltwin
Bohemian: 549 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 19 Dec 06, 09:33 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote


okay...A Christmas joke.

Three dudes die and go to the pearly gates...

St Peter says, "in order to get in you have to produce something symbolic to Christmas and the birth of Christ.

The first guy produces a lighter...and says, "this symbolises the lighting of a candle"

St. Peter lets him in.

The second guy produces his car keys and jingles them...and says, "these symbolize the bells of Christmas"

St. Peter lets him in.

The third guy pulls a pair of ladies panties from his pocket and holds them up.

St Peter says....okay, what are these supposed to symbolize?

The guy says.........."They're Carols"

xD



eenaweena. user not visiting Queenzone.com
eenaweena.
Deity: 2355 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 19 Dec 06, 09:56 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

^haha!!!! nice one!!!!

Bob The Shrek user not visiting Queenzone.com
Bob The Shrek
Deity: 4014 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 19 Dec 06, 12:31 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I was at the ATM earlier, getting some money out, when a little, grey haired pensioner asked if I would mind checking her balance - so I pushed the old bitch over.


Cleveland May 24 to June 4th 2007 - I came, I saw, I fucked off home again.
Rick user not visiting Queenzone.com

Deity: 4796 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 19 Dec 06, 12:54 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Okay.

A rabbit, a dog and a bear are forced to join the army, but they don't want to, so they need an excuse.

First the rabbit.

Rabbit: "What excuse do I need?"
Dog: "Cut off your ears, I mean, a rabbit without ears isn't a rabbit."

So he does and it worked, he was rejected from army due to his missing ears.

Second the dog.

Dog: "And what excuse do I need?"
Bear: "Cut off your tail. A dog who can't whip his tail, isn't a dog"

So he does and this time it worked too. He was rejected due to his missing tail.

And finally the bear.

Bear: "Okay and what is a good solution for my problem?"
Rabbit: "Hmm, somebody needs to remove all of your teeth. A bear without teeth isn't a bear, you know."

So it happened. After a while he returns to his friends.

Rabbit and Dog: "And?"
Bear (with sheer pain in his mouth): "I'm rejected too. I am too heavy."









John: "It's the one thing I wish I could do - sing."

Dances With Freddie user not visiting Queenzone.com

Royalty: 1928 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 19 Dec 06, 15:59 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

aaw poor bear :(

this one's really stupid:

two boys (let's name them Olly and Bolly), were going to the market to buy ham for dinner. their very strict and grumphy dad had given them money. when they came to the market they just couldn't resist spending all of the money on candy. Olly and Bolly went home with no dinner, and naturally, their father got extremely mad and gave them a spanking.

the next day, the boys were sent to the market again (with sore bottoms) to buy ham for dinner.
Olly and Bolly saw the candy.... and just couldn't help themselves. they so badly wanted the candy and spent all of their dad's money.

"jeez,this surely sucks," said Ollie, knewing their father would give them a serious spanking when they got home without the ham.
"so what are we going to do?" asked Bolly.
"I have an idea" replied Olly. "let's cut our bottoms off and wrap them in paper. our dad will think it's ham."
"oh what a lovely idea!"
so they did.
it hurt, but the thought of their angry father was worse than any pain...
when they got home their dad cooked the ham for dinner and everybody was happy.

the next week, their dad gave them money to go to the market again. Olly and Bolly promised themselves to not even look in the direction of the candy stall, but of course... they spent all of the money on candy. what brats.
they realised what they'd just done and cried all the way home. their aggressive father got seriously mad and told them crying would do them no good.
he pulled down their trousers to give them the worst spanking ever.....

but where was the botteys...?

(and where the heck is the punchline I just realise... :/

but it's a corny joke, nevertheless!)

oh well, never mind.... it's a cute story, isn't it?



"it's better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you're not"

blerp user not visiting Queenzone.com
blerp
Deity: 2438 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 19 Dec 06, 20:20 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

1.
So there's a blind guy walking through the park with his seeing-eye dog. All of a sudden, the guy starts swinging the dog around in circles!

Another guy comes over and says, 'What're you doing??'

And the blind guy replies, 'Oh, just having a look around.'

2.
A very important company president is in great distress, due to the fact that his business is going pretty much down...

Sitting at his desk, his secretary comes in and says, 'Sir, the Invisible Man is here to see you.'

He waves her away and says, 'Tell him I can't see him right now.'

!!!

Oh, here are a few from my music tech class, from my VERY corny teacher:

(After all of us messing up on our rhythms)
'You guys are rushin'! I thought you were American! Ah-her her her!'

(Interrupts us while working at our stations, singing to us, you know.)
'You're a mean one, Mister Grinch! You've got termites in your soul!...Lately the song has been stuck in my head - but the three words that describe you are stink! Stank! Stunk!...What? You guys don't remember the Grinch?!'


I'm so pissed I could spit.
sparrow 21754 user not visiting Queenzone.com

Royalty: 1947 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 19 Dec 06, 21:26 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

a guy walks into a bar and the other one ducked.


why pay the visit when the visit is free?



"this shitty guitar wont play what i want! it only knows three chords!"
iGSM user not visiting Queenzone.com

Deity: 5001 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 19 Dec 06, 21:35 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

A neutron walks in to a bar. He says 'How much for a beer?'. The barkeeper looks at him and says 'For you? No charge'

BADOOMFUCKINGCHISH!


...this kettle is boiling over...

...one dump...one turd...two tits...John Deacon...

...one prawn...one shrimp...one clam...one chicken!
Bob The Shrek user not visiting Queenzone.com
Bob The Shrek
Deity: 4014 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 19 Dec 06, 21:50 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Two old ladies on a park bench and a streaker runs by - one had a stroke, the other missed.


Cleveland May 24 to June 4th 2007 - I came, I saw, I fucked off home again.
Eviltwin user not visiting Queenzone.com
My Display Message
Eviltwin
Bohemian: 549 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 20 Dec 06, 08:42 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

A horse walks into the bar....


The bartender says..."why the long face?"

Vincent. user not visiting Queenzone.com
What?
Vincent.
Deity: 2553 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 20 Dec 06, 16:56 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I just ate some laffy taffy and this is what was on the wrapper.... It is the corniest of corny.

How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buccaneer! :P


iGSM user not visiting Queenzone.com

Deity: 5001 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 20 Dec 06, 19:41 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

Heathen fish is the joke.


...this kettle is boiling over...

...one dump...one turd...two tits...John Deacon...

...one prawn...one shrimp...one clam...one chicken!
The prophet's song user not visiting Queenzone.com

Royalty: 1044 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 20 Dec 06, 22:46 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

This actually happened, which makes it sooo much funnier.

In health we were learning about the male reprouctive system, Mr C was naming everything on the board when he said "...this is the scrotum" when a girl pipes up "Isn't that the scroggin?" to which Mr C replies "No, thats a different set of nuts all together"

XD hahahaha!

And now for the corniest joke you'll ever hear:
Q. Whats big, blue carries a box of tissues?
A.The incredible sulk


"Either this kid has a lightbulb up his ass or his colon has a great idea"
iGSM user not visiting Queenzone.com

Deity: 5001 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 20 Dec 06, 23:59 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

I enjoy jokes.


...this kettle is boiling over...

...one dump...one turd...two tits...John Deacon...

...one prawn...one shrimp...one clam...one chicken!
Banquo user not visiting Queenzone.com
Banquo
Deity: 2636 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 21 Dec 06, 03:42 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

A woman with no arms has just won a stawberry picking contest.................Jammy Twat.

A White Horse walks into a bar the Landlord says "We have a Whisky named after you" the horse replies "What, Dobbin?"




Guess who's back?
Rick user not visiting Queenzone.com

Deity: 4796 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 21 Dec 06, 03:51 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

It's black and it's hanging on the ceiling.

A blonde electrician.


John: "It's the one thing I wish I could do - sing."

7 seas of Rhye user not visiting Queenzone.com

Royalty: 1817 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 21 Dec 06, 17:13 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

What side of a turky has the most feathers?

The inside, silly!

This one is so stupid but I love it:

There was once a flower shop run by two friars. Everyone in town would go to their flower shop because it was run by holy men. The other florists of the town became jealous. They hired a hitman named Hue and he killed the two friars.

The moral of the story is "Only Hue can prevent florists friars."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdoo21lvza8

^greatest video ever made



"If I get the answer wrong, you can kick me in the nuts" -Sean



I am the most obsessed Queen fan.
blerp user not visiting Queenzone.com
blerp
Deity: 2438 posts
add to buddy list send PM

Posted: 21 Dec 06, 17:21 Edit this post Reply to this post Reply with Quote

7 seas of Rhye wrote:


This one is so stupid but I love it:

There was once a flower shop run by two friars. Everyone in town would go to their flower shop because it was run by holy men. The other florists of the town became jealous. They hired a hitman named Hue and he killed the two friars.

The moral of the story is "Only Hue can prevent florists friars."


Good gawd. XD


I'm so pissed I could spit.