Swim with dolphins.
Eat a deep-fried Mars Bar.
Appear as an extra on Coronation Street.
Run the London Marathon dressed as Batman.
Snort cocaine off a midget's head.
Win the men's singles at Wimbledon.
Steal a stereo from a parked car.
Ride a Derby winner (unless you count Lester Piggot at that party).
Attend a BNP rally.
Watch all seven seasons of 'The West Wing' back to back.
Go on the 'Pepsi Max' rollercoaster at Blackpool Pleasure Beach.
Attend a fancy dress party disguised as Lee Marvin.
Stick a lit firework up a cat's bottom.
Hang Saddam Hussein.
Appear in "Dictionary Corner" on Countdown.
Sell alcohol to anyone below the age of 18 years.
Watch Little Britain and be baffled at it's popularity.
Get an ASBO.
Be detained under the mental health act.
Spend a month in a perspex box, suspended from a crane in the middle of London.
Give a flying fuck about who shot Phil Mitchell.
Write to Dear Derdrie for advice concerning his relationship with Jim Hutton.
Visit Paris to lay flowers at the tunnel where Princess Diana was killed.
Enter a spot-the-ball competition.
Solve a mystery with the aid of 4 kids and their talking dog.
Set fire to a beggar.
Listen to Pink Floyd's 'Wish You Were Here' album while watching 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' to see if the music matches what is happening on screen.
Do a fucking sudoku puzzle.
Return a faulty electrical appliance to Argos only to be told that they will be unable to offer a refund without a receipt.
Vote for Tony Blair.
Shit himself when the T-Rex appears during the Lost Valley level of Tomb Raider.
Get his finger stuck in a Tesco's shopping trolley.
Expose himself to a frightened woman on Oxford Street.
Climb Ben Nevis in the Scottish highlands wearing a t-shirt and flip flops and have to be air lifted to hospital suffering from exposure.
Get stuck in a lift with someone who's face is familiar but for the life of him, cannot remember his name.
Build a scale model of Lenny Henry from empty yoghurt pots.
Hold a kitten underwater until the bubbles stop.
Translate the lyrics of 'Lily The Pink' into ancient Hebrew.
Construct his own lightsabre.
Perform 'Keep Passing The Open Windows' live.
Surf the net for porn.
Give any real thought to the diffence between butter and "I Can't believe it's not butter".
Grow fond of Brian May.
Make a suit from the skins of murdered women.
Invade a middle eastern country.
Throw bricks through the windows of a suspected kiddie fiddler.
Invent an alternative to the vacum cleaner.
Celebrate his 47th birthday.